Villains: Psychosis vs. Calmness

***VILLAINS: PSYCHOSIS VS. CALMNESS***

When I’m submitting short stories to the WSS, a common critique I get is to focus on writing about calm villains instead of psychotic ones. I admit, my borderline bipolar villains are fun as hell to write about, but I believe there’s a lot of truth in what Angie (the one who gave this advice) says when it comes to calm villains. Think about it for a minute: who would you be more afraid of: a guy who says, “I’m going to kill you” while cartoonishly laughing or a guy who says, “I’m going to kill you” while breathing calmly through his nose? Since cartoon characters don’t exist in the real world, you’re more likely to be afraid of the calm and collected guy.

Case in point, WWE Smackdown superstar Kevin Owens. A wrestling example? Again? You got that right! In his mind, he’s justified in his anger against Smackdown Commissioner Shane McMahon. Kevin believes Shane is showing bias against him and screwing him out of important championship victories. So what does Kevin do? He tells Shane to his face, “Your whole family would have been better off if you didn’t survive that helicopter crash. Your father, your wife, and especially your kids!” Shane beats the hell out of Kevin to where the latter threatens a lawsuit against the WWE (because authority figures aren’t supposed to assault the wrestlers (tell that to Stephanie McMahon)).

Shane’s father and CEO of WWE, Vince McMahon, makes an appearance on Smackdown to quash the potential lawsuit and put Kevin Owens in a Hell in a Cell match against Shane McMahon. Kevin, in his calm and collected manner, wants Vince’s word that he won’t be fired if he, “Beats a McMahon senseless.” Vince gives the okay, but without realizing that Kevin meant ANY McMahon. He heat butts the 70-year-old Vince and opens a deep cut in his forehead. The beating continues in the form of rib kicks, a super kick, and a frog splash. Kevin has a shocked look on his face like, “What the fuck did I just do?”

Next week on Smackdown, Kevin Owens, once again being the calm and collected villain he is, blames Shane McMahon for his father’s assault. His passionate tirade against the Smackdown Commissioner ends with, “For what I’m about to do to you at Hell in a Cell, people like me don’t go to Hell; people like me go to Heaven.” Imagine that last line being said through a cool demeanor. Creepy, huh?

The coolness becomes ice cold when the next week on Smackdown, Kevin Owens has a wrestling match with his longtime rival Sami Zayn. The match ends in a No Contest when Kevin power bombs Sami onto the corner of the ring apron (the hardest part of the ring) and possibly fractures his ribs and spine in the process. What does the calm villain do as Sami Zayn is being carted out of the arena? Well, he sits on the announce table and stares at Sami like he had just taken a bowlful of Prozac and washed it down with warm milk. Peace and quiet washes over Kevin Owens like warm and soothing beach water. It’s the loveliest feeling in the world for him.

Kevin Owens doesn’t have a cartoonish laugh. He doesn’t wear clown makeup. He doesn’t have bulging eyes and a nearly exploding forehead vein. He’s just this calm, cool, and collected tormentor who feels so numb that his brain might as well have been rubbed with Novocain. A straightjacket is too good for him. He needs a prison cell in the worst way. That’s how scary Kevin Owens is as a villainous wrestler. You don’t have to be a wrestling fan to appreciate how calmly psychotic he is.

Pay attention to those two operative words: “calmly psychotic”. It’s not just one or the other. It’s a combination of both, whether the psychosis is subtle or not. If Kevin Owens told you that he was going to rip your intestines out and feed them to vultures and coyotes, you’d better run as fast as you fucking can. If he told you he was going to show up at your home while you were away and hoped that your kids answered the door for him…well, you get the idea.

And then you have the other WWE example in this blog entry, the overly psychotic Bray Wyatt. Since 2013, Bray Wyatt has had the same gimmick of a backwoods cult leader. He would speak in these cryptic promos and he would back up his spookiness with a 300 lb. frame and a hard-hitting fighting style. He once had a choir of sheep-masked children sing, “He’s Got the Whole World In His Hands”, which was so spooky that it reminded me of the scene in Pink Floyd the Wall where they sang, “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2”. Couple this with backwards tarantula walking, brainwashing abilities, a worm-infested compound to live in, and a bearded face with a head full of long dirty dreadlocks and you’ve got a recipe for psychosis.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I modeled a lot of my villains after Bray Wyatt. But on the advice of my awesome friend Angie, it could be time to at least try a new style: the calm and collected villain with a subtle psychotic nature. It could be a guy who picks the wings off of flies and keeps a straight face the entire time. It could be a handsome gentleman in a suit and tie who orders human jerky online. It could be a gentle and loving grandpa who instead of slashing the shit out of people, suffocates them with duct tape by covering their mouths and noses. This is already sounding pretty creepy to me, so yes, there’s a lot of truth in what Angie says. Happy early Halloween, by the way! We’ve got ears, say cheers! Hehehehehehe!

***POISON TONGUE TALES 2: THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PSYCHOTIC***

Despite the subtitle of this short story collection, this next piece could be my first real attempt at crafting a calm villain. He’s a politician, so being calm and charismatic comes with the territory. This story will be called “Peacemaker” and it goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

1.      Gerard Killings, Human Assassin

2.      Misty Blades, Fox Ninja

3.      Randy Schneider, Politician

PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.

SYNOPSIS: Gerard has the unfortunate mercenary work of protecting Randy Schneider, a politician who is trying to introduce a bill that would legalize fox hunting. One night while Gerard is camping out in Mr. Schneider’s living room, the mansion is invaded by Misty Blades, an anthropomorphic fox who takes offense to the pompous politician’s anti-animal views. Gerard Killings has to decide between collecting a paycheck from Randy or giving into his disgust for his client and agreeing to help Misty. Either way, Randy Schneider isn’t a slouch himself; he’s armed with a peacemaker handgun while Gerard prefers a machete and Misty possesses a jagged katana.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Speaking of calmly villainous politicians, next on the chopping block is Randy Schneider. Maybe I could use Patrick Bateman as a reference model when I draw Randy. Or perhaps Alan Shores from the TV series “Boston Legal”. Or perhaps David Aceveda from “The Shield”. Whoever I end up modeling Randy Schneider after, it won’t be another chubby villain like I normally have. Marie Krepps likes to rib me over that, but she’s truthful in her friendly ribbing. It’s time for a change!

***WRESTLECRAP***

Another wrestling reference? Again? What’s with me and these…ugh…Anyways, now that Stuck Rubber Baby and Paper Towns are both in my rearview mirror, it’s time for a new book. Stuck Rubber Baby was a graphic novel and Paper Towns before it was a fictional novel, which means the next choice has to be nonfiction (that’s a new rule for me when I choose which book to read: I have to cover all three bases). Enter Wrestlecrap, a biography of the worst gimmicks and storylines in the history of professional wrestling, dating all the way up to 2003 when the book was published. So far, so good. It’s not earth-shattering, so it’ll probably earn a passing grade at best. I like it, though. I like it a lot!

***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY (AGAIN?!)***

If Dude Love and Juice Robinson formed a tag team together, they’d be called Dude Juice.

WWE NXT R Evolution: Adrian Neville vs. Sami Zayn

MATCH: Adrian Neville vs. Sami Zayn for the former’s NXT Championship
PROMOTION: WWE NXT
EVENT: R Evolution
YEAR: 2014
RATING: TV-PG for violence
GRADE: Pass


I’m not what anybody would call an “smark” when it comes to professional wrestling. The only way I know about a wrestler’s popularity is through how many positive awards they have won from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter (or at least have been nominated for). Whenever an award winner or nominee enters NXT, I’m always excited to see their debut whether it’s KENTA aka Hideo Itami, Bryan Danielson aka Daniel Bryan, or Kevin Steen aka Kevin Owens. Such was the case for the two NXT Championship contenders Adrian Neville and El Generico aka Sami Zayn.

These two wrestlers in particular have a lot in common. They’re both high-flying cruiserweights who defy gravity just for fun. They’re both technical geniuses when it comes to mat wrestling and martial arts. They’re both popular outside of the United States thanks to the advent of the internet. They both gained most of their experience in smaller promotions. Most importantly, these two ring warriors are the best of friends. There is one thing that separates them, however: prior to this match, Adrian Neville was a successful and long-reigning NXT Champion while Sami Zayn consistently lost important matches. So what does Sami Zayn do about it? Two things. He wrestles more aggressively and he puts his career on the line in this match.

The buildup to this match with Sami Zayn as the ultimate underdog was efficient enough to make Zayn and Neville’s feud worthy of another award from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. With all this pressure on both men, you know they’re going to have to deliver an exciting and unforgettable match. It can’t just be good; it has to be excellent. It has to launch someone into an early Hall of Fame nomination. It has to be a permanent fixture not only on the audience’s DVR’s, but also their memories. And goddamn, did these two over-deliver.

If there was any slowness in this match, it was brief, yet important when it comes to building further drama. The rest of the match was one fast-paced, explosive, deadly battle. We got to see both wrestlers use their favorite moves and make them look good all over again. Whether it was a spike hurricanrana from Adrian Neville, an exploder suplex from Sami Zayn, an over the top rope splash to the floor from both men, a diving outside corner DDT from Zayn, or a sit-out jackknife power bomb from Neville, you’re getting your money’s worth in this match.

These two men hurt each other in the most creative and death-defying ways possible. They flew through the air and slammed each other to the ground with earth shattering force. It was amazing the mat nor the ground had body-shaped holes in them afterwards with this cartoonish display of physics. And just like a cartoon, they kept getting back up after every painful shot.

While the action was certainly a thrilling aspect of the match, the drama was just as capable of bringing people to the edge of their seats. The NXT commentators and Adrian Neville prior to this match questioned Sami Zayn’s willingness to take shortcuts to win big matches. Sami was the ultimate baby face in that he never gave in to the urge to cheat in any of his matches. Even when it mattered the most, Sami stayed true to his moral code.

When the referee was unconscious for the first time in the match, Sami checked to see if he was okay. When the referee got knocked out again and the championship belt was introduced to the ring, Sami struggled with himself as to whether he should use it as a weapon while no authority members were looking. He ended up tossing the belt and winning the honest way: by T-bone suplexing Neville into the turnbuckle and finishing him off with the Helluva Kick. When Sami Zayn went for the final pin, he got the 1-2-3 that evaded him for so long in the match and the NXT Championship was finally his.

When Sami Zayn won the title, it was the greatest victory in his wrestling career. The entire NXT roster, both heels and baby faces, celebrated with him and hoisted him high on their shoulders. He even continued to do the right thing when he extended his hand for a frustrated Adrian Neville to shake. Neville held that championship for a majority of 2014, so it was understandable that he kicked Sami’s hand away. But that kick was only to give way to an even bigger show of sportsmanship: a hug. Batista once said it to Eddie Guerrero in 2005 before the latter died: friends don’t shake hands; friends hug!

The ring was clearing of NXT superstars, Adrian Neville among them. All that was left was for Sami Zayn’s other longtime friend Kevin Owens to come out and congratulate him. These two grew up together in Ring of Honor and the independent circuit. They even won the 2010 award for Feud of the Year from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. Zayn and Owens did everything together. And then the unthinkable happened. Just when spirits couldn’t get any higher, Kevin Owens slammed Sami Zayn to the steel ramp and then power bombed his longtime friend against the edge of the ring, which is said to be the hardest part of the wrestling structure. Kevin Owens gave no further explanation for his actions while his best friend was wheeled out of the arena in an ambulance.

The high octane action and the mind-blowing drama come together to make a special match for NXT fans. They jumped out of their seats for the high flying moves, cheered like animals during the martial arts kicks, punches, and throws, cried like babies during Sami Zayn’s celebration, and cried even harder when Kevin Owens beat the crap out of him. Everything about this match was done to perfection by professional wrestlers with over a decade of experience. All of this hard work built up to this memorable moment. It will live within the fans forever, either as a haunting ghost or as an excited spirit.

WWE NXT

TITLE: WWE NXT

GENRE: Professional Wrestling

RATING: TV-PG for mild violence

GRADE: A+

If you follow the yearly Wrestling Observer Newsletter awards like I do, you would have seen that the award for Best Weekly Television Show in 2013 was WWE NXT. You know why it won that prestigious award? Because when it comes to professional wrestling, there’s only one way to describe WWE NXT: bullshit-free television. That means there are no goofy stunt doubles, no tyrannical authority figures, no cranky divas, and no ridiculous endings to otherwise good matches. You want to know what wrestling is all about? WWE NXT is your answer. It can be all yours if you purchase the WWE Network for only…come on, people, what is it? It’s only $9.99 a month!

NXT is supposed to be the training grounds for wrestlers and divas who want to be featured on WWE Raw and Smackdown, the company’s two flagship shows. Judging from the way these “rookies” wrestle, it looks like they’ve spent their whole lives training. For many of the wrestlers, this couldn’t be closer to the truth.

Sami Zayn is a high-flying technical wizard who wrestled all over the world. Tyson Kidd is the final graduate of the infamous Hart Dungeon and knows how to cripple his opponents inside that ring. Tyler Breeze is arrogant and self-serving, but his own high-flying style justifies his otherwise obnoxious gimmick. Adrian Neville is called “The Man Gravity Forgot” for a reason: because every time he flies around the ring or even does a ground move, it looks like he’s in outer space. Four kick-ass wrestlers who always put on five-star matches whenever they’re in the ring. In fact, they downright steal the show. But these are just the main-eventers of NXT.

Even the wrestlers who haven’t been doing it for quite as long don’t show their inexperience very often. Bull Dempsey’s wrestling career started in 2006 and he fights like a 300-lb. wrecking ball, smashing and bruising everyone in his path. Charlotte’s career started in 2012, but she has so much going for her already: she trained under her father Ric Flair (a two-time WWE Hall of Famer and 16-time World Champion), she’s over six feet tall and is built like a powerhouse, and she had quite possibly the match of the year in 2014 against Natalya (daughter of Jim Neidhart) to win the NXT Women’s Championship. Anybody else that needs mentioning? How about Baron Corbin, a seven-foot juggernaut who squashed CJ Parker in his first match, which is a difficult feat in and of itself. Let me put it this way: when Pinocchio does another Geico commercial where he’s a motivational speaker, his nose won’t grow when he says NXT wrestlers have lots of potential.

Professional wrestling gets a lot of crap these days for being “gay porn” or “a redneck soap opera”. WWE NXT is quickly proving those two slurs to be wrong. The wrestlers are awesome to watch in the ring. The storylines are believable and are therefore easy to sit through. The commentary team isn’t constantly at each other’s throats nor are they trying to make corny jokes all the time. Like I said before, WWE NXT is bullshit-free television. If you want to make a layman into a believer, show them a random episode from this weekly series. Or if you really want to put your best foot forward, show him or her one of the two-hour specials. Bottom line: I can’t picture Triple H or Stephanie McMahon referring to the NXT staff as “B+ players” anytime soon.