Necro Power Plant

Ever wonder how those malls play holiday music?

Keep your internet connection and never lose it?

Keep the lights on in your depressing man cave?

Keep the water warm so you can shower and shave?

 

You can give your thanks to the utility wizards

Necromancy keeps you warm during blizzards

Now that your eyes popped out of your sockets

We run on dead bodies, it’s how we line our pockets

 

Feed the giant slab of rotten gray beef jerky

Through the dynamo of swamp water so murky

Boil them corpses like a pot of spaghetti

Let the green steam get the juicy juices ready

 

What’s the matter, kid? You think this is wrong?

Grab the hippie-dippie guitar, write a protest song

It’s not like we killed the dead bodies ourselves

Who cares when their souls are stuck in hell?

 

Exploiting dead people is a great business model

When politicians do it, the press is sucking milk bottles

When Vince McMahon does it, it’s a sure ratings draw

Whether the corpse has hands or puppy-duppy paws

 

It’s all in bad taste, but it ain’t nuclear waste

We’ve got no souls, but at least it ain’t coal

Call us super villains, we don’t give a goddamn

They’re your lights, bro, you’ve got the wrong man

 

What do you mean we’ve failed the safety inspections?

What do you mean the civil court is now in session?

What do you mean we’ve got to pay a billion dollars?

What do you mean we’ve got debt collecting callers?

What do you mean we’re going right out of business?

What do you mean the plaintiffs got their own star witness?

What do you mean we got to put on these orange onesies?

What do you mean our cellmates are extra snuggly?

"Headstones and Dead Bodies" by Marie Krepps

BOOK TITLE: Headstones and Dead Bodies

AUTHOR: Marie Krepps

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Fictional Short Stories

SUBGENRE: Horror

GRADE: Pass

In these two nightmare-inducing short stories, you get just that: headstones and dead bodies. “My Last Dare” is the tale of a group of friends who dare the narrator to visit a haunted graveyard and stab the sacred ground with a ballpoint pen to prove his stay. “Coffins” deals with the painstaking and vomit-worthy process of emptying baggies of money from a sewn up cadaver’s insides. After reading these stories, your traumatized mind will crave relief of any sort whether it’s one-on-one therapy or a gigantic bottle of Xanax. Do you dare put your soul through this kind of literary torture? It’s okay if you’re going to be a chicken about it, but such tasty birds get devoured on a daily basis by razor-sharp mouths. In Marie Krepps’ sick and twisted world, nobody is safe, not even the reader.

“My Last Dare” had the realistic feeling of being small-town teenagers who are so bored that they dare each other to do stupid things. I’ve lived in my fair share of small towns, so I know how taxing boredom can be to the human mind. Marie Krepps makes these teenagers sound like they would end up in Tosh.0 video montages. They’re goofy, they’re brash, and they’re awkward. Their immature dialogue and silly arguments among themselves paint a realistic picture of what will take place. Ms. Krepps is from a small town in North Carolina, so there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s seen this kind of weirdness before. People always say to write what you know, so not only has Marie done that, but she added a horrific twist at the end of the story. Remember, kids: nobody is safe in Marie Krepps’ works, not even the most innocent little boy.

Speaking of little boys, “Coffins”, which is my favorite story of the two presented, did an excellent job of portraying Pablo as a calm-minded, creepy, and delightfully psychotic teenaged gangster. He’s doing these foul-smelling autopsies in front of a “hardened” gangster like Mick, but Mick is the one who keeps losing his lunch, not Pablo. People say that even evil has standards and while that may be true for Mick, it’s anything but true for Pablo. The little warlock could be watching the Saw movies, Hostel movies, and Human Centipede movies back-to-back and he would assume that they were comedies. Nothing gets to this tiny bastard and that’s what makes him a valuable asset to any drug lord and a formidable threat to anybody who opposes him. Can you believe that Pablo is only fourteen years old and looks much younger? That adds to his creepy aura. Jeffrey Dahmer, Chuck Manson, and Ricardo Ramirez have nothing on this little buzz saw. Absolutely nothing!

The book is only 36 pages long, which means you’ll blow through it in no time at all. The pacing is even throughout and the trauma will build inside you all the same. If you think you can survive five seconds in Marie Krepps’ world, you’re crazier than Pablo. Actually, I don’t think being crazier than Pablo is possible, but you get my point. If you’re looking for two horror stories that will shake you to your core and leave you begging for more (that rhymes), feel free to pick up a copy of “Headstones and Dead Bodies”. A passing grade goes to the author who will make your worst fears come to life and immortalize them forever. Boogedy-boogedy-boo!