Destroy and Reform

VERSE 1

When you hang on to the macho mentality of the past

It’s no wonder why your students won’t come to class

No one wants a lashing with a bamboo whipping cane

No one wants false history to liquefy their brains

No one wants to do homework for the rest of eternity

No one wants the bullies to taunt them with absurdity

No one wants to grow up with a brainwashed point of view

No one wants to be a part of the putty-faced crew

CHORUS

Destroy and reform

Never obey and conform

Rebellion is the new norm

Been that way since we were born

VERSE 2

Nobody wants to serve sundaes to entitled Karens

Nobody wants to be screamed at while running errands

Nobody wants to gaze into the abyss of a factory

Nobody wants to pick fruit that triggers allergies

Nobody wants to collect garbage for a few cents

Nobody wants to unclog toilets just to pay the rent

Nobody wants to coast when they’ve got passion to boast

With just one poem, they turn a request in a roast

CHORUS

Destroy and reform

Never obey and conform

Rebellion is the new norm

Been that way since we were born

BRIDGE

Five dollars an hour isn’t going to cut it

Don’t argue against that, fucking shut it

Dystopia shouldn’t feel so natural

As we swallow the last of our Adderall

VERSE 3

Never accept less than being treated as human

Never vote for politicians who’re useless

Never raise your hand for an uncaring teacher

Only rely on yourself to be a truth-seeker

Never give that job to a nutcase fuck-up

Never thrive in the world by being a suck-up

Never compromise what makes you special

Lest you be an empty shell of a vessel

CHORUS

Destroy and reform

Never obey and conform

Rebellion is the new norm

Been that way since we were born

Hardcore Hershel

HARDCORE HERSHEL

Get off my lawn or I’ll bury your keister

Explode your noggin like the eggs of Easter

One shell from my shotgun is all it takes

Go and get a job, you millennial snake!

SOFTCORE SEBASTIAN

Calm your ass down, Mr. Hardcore Hershel

You’re sounding like an NRA commercial

I’m just walking along and enjoying the view

Stop being afraid of everything that’s new

HARDCORE HERSHEL

This gun’s been in my family since a million BC

I’ll be damned if it’s taken away by Washington DC

I’ll be damned if you come here looking for a handout

Original Go Fund Me was being a working class standout

SOFTCORE SEBASTIAN

Pump those damn brakes, Mr. Badass Billy

Too much Fox News is making you sound silly

I’ll be on my way if you take your aim off me

If you do, nobody will think of you as a softy

HARDCORE HERSHEL

I forgot what the hell I was jibber-jabbering about

Something about your generation doing dumb shit for clout

Eating Tide Pods and putting Gorilla Glue in your hair

I’d never do those things because I’ve got a brain to spare

SOFTCORE SEBASTIAN

Take it nice and easy, Mr. Army Man Arthur

There’s no reason to make your heart work harder

Not all of us are like that, perhaps none of us are

Your brain is being washed by Boomer Bill Maher

HARDCORE HERSHEL

I fought in every war that this country has waged

I’ve earned my right to bask in my elderly age

Knowing that you kids will inherit this world

Makes me want to double over and unleash some hurl

SOFTCORE SEBASTIAN

Slow the fuck down, Mr. Bullet Bubba-Bob

You can’t live forever whether you like it or not

Just raise the minimum wage and forget my age

Let someone else have the spotlight on the stage

HARDCORE HERSHEL

You’ll have to pry this gun from my cold dead hands

You’ll have to spray my red blood across the land

When was the last time you fought a war in the sands?

I’m the king of the hill and you don’t stand a chance

SOFTCORE SEBASTIAN

I hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t want any trouble

And for you that goes double, Mr. Barney Rubble

BOOM!

HARDCORE HERSHEL

The world is mine! The world is all mine, you whippersnapper!

HEART ATTACK NOISES

FINAL LINE

And this, boys and girls, is why we can’t have nice things. The end!

Where to Invade Next

MOVIE TITLE: Where to Invade Next
DIRECTOR: Michael Moore
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Political Documentary
RATING: R for language and nudity
GRADE: Extra Credit

As America falls behind in education, healthcare, employment, and overall happiness, Michael Moore sets sail to “invade” countries by “stealing” their ideas on how to run society so that he can bring them back to America. In Finland, there is no homework in school. In France, childhood nutrition is of utmost importance. In Italy, taking eight weeks of paid vacation is the law of the land. These, among other stress-relieving ideas, were originally American ideas, but somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten how to use them. Mr. Moore’s positive attitude toward bringing change to his home country with these now European ideas makes the educational experience that much more fun to watch on screen.

While Michael Moore was shooting footage in Italy, he said something that set the tone for the entire movie in terms of positivity and stress-relief: “I’m here to pick the flowers, not the weeds.” In other words, while he acknowledges that life isn’t perfect in these other countries, they at least got some things right. By “picking the flowers”, Mr. Moore is highlighting all of the positive things about these countries to give the people of America hope for a better day. The overall theme we’re dealing with is happiness among the citizens. When citizens are happy, they’re more productive, they’re more educated, and they learn to take care of each other in a civilized way. In Norway for example, the prison system focuses on rehabilitation and not revenge. They have only a 20% relapse rate while vengeful America has a whopping 80%. Holy shit!

There’s also a history lesson to be learned when it comes to American culture and it was highlighted in Michael’s trip to Germany, where the people take responsibility for their Hitler-tainted past and ensure it never happens again. In America, a country built on Indian genocide and black slavery, it took a few centuries to reinvent slavery and deny racism in the process. After the civil rights movement, black people and other minorities had equal rights. Years later, drugs marketed to the “urban folk” became illegal and minorities started getting locked up left and right. Many of the products we use today are thanks to free labor from the prison system. It’s disturbing as hell and Michael Moore has no problem shining a bright neon light on the problem.

Focusing on happiness and being taught history are both excellent traits to have in a movie, but the one thing that changed me as a human being was suddenly having the urge to travel to and maybe live in other places outside of America. I’ve been on vacation to Canada and I loved every minute of it. But what about Germany? What about France? What about Denmark? Now that I know what exactly is out there, the travel bug bit me like an alligator in the Florida Everglades. Yes, it would mean having to sit on a plane for hours on end, but I’m sure arrangements could be made ahead of time to make crossing the ocean bearable. Maybe there are airlines with beds instead of seats. Maybe I could book a private flight. Maybe I could take a cruise ship across the water. Rekindling my interest in culture and history was something that needed to happen since I’d been out of college since 2009 and I wasn’t taking in enough creative fuel.

Of course, there are going to be some Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers out there who will call Michael Moore’s cinema “bullshit”. I’m sure he’s heard that insult several times throughout his long and illustrious career. Hell, some directors tried to make entire documentaries slamming Michael Moore and his “scare tactics”. To those conservative critics who are so quick to judge, I have three words for you: “Look it up”. Get online and find out just how serene and peaceful Norway’s prison system is. Google just how much respect women have in Iceland since the worker’s strike in 1975. If you’re still steaming mad about what Mr. Moore talks about in his movies, maybe you should go to Italy and take an eight week vacation from work. Feel the stress and unhealthiness slipping away from your pain-wracked body!

Psychophobia

VERSE 1
“You haven’t helped out society as of late”
I’d rather give nothing than a firestorm of hate
You blame the disabled for all of your problems
You blame the tax code for draining your wallet
You’re as bigoted as the evil men in white hoods
Talk about society? You’re no fucking good
Look into the mirror when you cast your stones
In your house of glass and your throne of bones


CHORUS
White hoods, green suits, black battle boots
Your retard jokes suck and they’re far from cute
Psychophobia is as real as it fucking gets
Yet you’re the one who is fucked up in the head


VERSE 2
A big paycheck goes to the kid with autism
Your hatred and anger creates the wrong schism
Medical visits for the man with schizophrenia
A new liberalism for the new millennium
Comfort and love for the chick with depression
This is when you show your worst aggression
The tea bag is a symbol of ableist ignorance
Paying income tax turns mice into militants


CHORUS
White hoods, green suits, black battle boots
Your retard jokes suck and they’re far from cute
Psychophobia is as real as it fucking gets
Yet you’re the one who is fucked up in the head


VERSE 3
Bullies and criminals come in all shapes and sizes
Injecting their venom into the hearts of the wisest
Keeping people down while you still climb higher
Aiming your pistol and then squeezing to fire
You know nothing about what the fuck it’s like
To be eaten alive by the demons inside
I’ll take my handouts and swallow my pills
While you continue to bitch about the bills


EXTENDED CHORUS
White hoods, green suits, black battle boots
Your retard jokes suck and they’re far from cute
Psychophobia is as real as it fucking gets
Yet you’re the one who is fucked up in the head
Let’s fit your ass for a warm straightjacket
Keep you in the darkness of a cell that’s padded
All that “free shit” sounds pretty damn good, right?
Think about that and have yourself a good night