MOVIE TITLE: Deadpool
DIRECTOR: Tim Miller
YEAR: 2016
GENRE: Superhero
RATING: R for violence, sex, and language
GRADE: Extra Credit
Wade Wilson is wise-cracking antihero mercenary who
discovers he has lung cancer. His only surefire treatment option is to be
turned into an indestructible superhero by sadistic slave trader Francis
Freeman. The process to become superhuman involves around-the-clock torture to
wake up his mutated genes. Wade is cancer-free, but also has a hideous face
that he believes will make his fiancé want to break up with him. Now the newly
christened Deadpool must track down Francis and force him to fix his
disfigurement. Deadpool not only has superhuman strength, speed, and healing
abilities, but an ass-load of guns and knives at his disposal. That and the
help of X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool’s one-liners and funny moments are easily the
movie’s best features. Whether he’s glad Francis is wearing brown pants or he’s
sarcastically offering to help Francis’s balding henchman lure children into
his windowless van, there’s always a reason to laugh your ass off throughout
the movie. It’s impossible to list every zinger this movie has to offer,
because my review would be longer than the first Game of Thrones book. Yes,
this movie has its downer moments, the cancer diagnosis and torture scenes
being among them. But even in the darkest, most depressing parts of the movie,
there’s another profanity-laced tirade around the corner. Whoever wrote the
dialogue for this movie deserves a medal. And an Oscar. And the keys to the
city. And a key to the playboy mansion. And…whatever the hell he wants!
And because it’s a marvel superhero movie, it has to have a
hefty amount of violence. But due to its R rating, there’s a lot more freedom
to splatter some blood everywhere. For example, Deadpool can spell out
Francis’s name using the dead carcasses of his soldiers. He can cut off one
guy’s head with a sword and soccer kick it into another guy’s head. He can use
one bullet to splatter three different guys’ heads at the same time. He can
pull out all of the martial arts tricks he wants, including some that would
make Jackie Chan crap his pants. Word to the wise: if you want to keep your
bones and your blood where they belong, don’t screw around with Deadpool. Don’t
kidnap his girlfriend, don’t torture him, don’t make his face look like a giant
scrotum, and don’t outclass him in his witty dialogue. Actually, it’s damn near
impossible to do the last item on that list, but you get the point. Right?
The fact that Deadpool is a huge departure from regular
Marvel movies is enough to earn an extra credit grade. Sure, any movie can be
R-rated, but only Deadpool can make you laugh, cry, and giddy with deliciously
violent excitement at the same time. And while you’re watching, enjoy the
strategically placed soundtracks of DMX and Wham on the same album. You might
as well make a greatest hits CD with Skillet and Marilyn Manson on the same CD
too. Or Rage Against the Machine and Ted Nugent. Or…okay, that’s enough for
now. The point is, Deadpool has earned every one of its five stars and there’s
nothing anybody can do to take that happiness away from me. If you want to cry
over the filthy language and sexual dialogue, Wade Wilson will be happy to
drink your tears with a shot of rum. Congratulations, Deadpool, for being an
overly awesome movie that exceeded expectations!
