Deadpool

MOVIE TITLE: Deadpool

DIRECTOR: Tim Miller

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Superhero

RATING: R for violence, sex, and language

GRADE: Extra Credit

Wade Wilson is wise-cracking antihero mercenary who discovers he has lung cancer. His only surefire treatment option is to be turned into an indestructible superhero by sadistic slave trader Francis Freeman. The process to become superhuman involves around-the-clock torture to wake up his mutated genes. Wade is cancer-free, but also has a hideous face that he believes will make his fiancé want to break up with him. Now the newly christened Deadpool must track down Francis and force him to fix his disfigurement. Deadpool not only has superhuman strength, speed, and healing abilities, but an ass-load of guns and knives at his disposal. That and the help of X-Men Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Deadpool’s one-liners and funny moments are easily the movie’s best features. Whether he’s glad Francis is wearing brown pants or he’s sarcastically offering to help Francis’s balding henchman lure children into his windowless van, there’s always a reason to laugh your ass off throughout the movie. It’s impossible to list every zinger this movie has to offer, because my review would be longer than the first Game of Thrones book. Yes, this movie has its downer moments, the cancer diagnosis and torture scenes being among them. But even in the darkest, most depressing parts of the movie, there’s another profanity-laced tirade around the corner. Whoever wrote the dialogue for this movie deserves a medal. And an Oscar. And the keys to the city. And a key to the playboy mansion. And…whatever the hell he wants!

And because it’s a marvel superhero movie, it has to have a hefty amount of violence. But due to its R rating, there’s a lot more freedom to splatter some blood everywhere. For example, Deadpool can spell out Francis’s name using the dead carcasses of his soldiers. He can cut off one guy’s head with a sword and soccer kick it into another guy’s head. He can use one bullet to splatter three different guys’ heads at the same time. He can pull out all of the martial arts tricks he wants, including some that would make Jackie Chan crap his pants. Word to the wise: if you want to keep your bones and your blood where they belong, don’t screw around with Deadpool. Don’t kidnap his girlfriend, don’t torture him, don’t make his face look like a giant scrotum, and don’t outclass him in his witty dialogue. Actually, it’s damn near impossible to do the last item on that list, but you get the point. Right?

The fact that Deadpool is a huge departure from regular Marvel movies is enough to earn an extra credit grade. Sure, any movie can be R-rated, but only Deadpool can make you laugh, cry, and giddy with deliciously violent excitement at the same time. And while you’re watching, enjoy the strategically placed soundtracks of DMX and Wham on the same album. You might as well make a greatest hits CD with Skillet and Marilyn Manson on the same CD too. Or Rage Against the Machine and Ted Nugent. Or…okay, that’s enough for now. The point is, Deadpool has earned every one of its five stars and there’s nothing anybody can do to take that happiness away from me. If you want to cry over the filthy language and sexual dialogue, Wade Wilson will be happy to drink your tears with a shot of rum. Congratulations, Deadpool, for being an overly awesome movie that exceeded expectations!

"Divine Intervention" by Edward Davies

BOOK TITLE: Divine Intervention
AUTHOR: Edward Davies
YEAR: 2011
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Supernatural Comedy
GRADE: Mixed


Jimmy Stewart Moon is a lovable loser with a low-paying job, a place to live at his parents’ house, and too much free time on his hands. When eating potato chips and picking his nose isn’t enough to entertain him, Jimmy takes out his binoculars and spies on his sexy neighbor Vanessa, who’s doing exercises in her underwear. Vanessa catches Jimmy in the act and the perverted voyeur falls out of the window and hits the ground hard. Upon waking up, he meets two angels named Pixie and Frank whose only way of getting back into heaven is to help Jimmy secure a romantic relationship with Vanessa, which is a hard sell considering he just got caught spying on her.

In many ways, this self-published effort reminds me of a book by WWE superstar Dolph Ziggler’s brother Ryan Nemeth called “I Can Make Out with Any Girl Here”. The protagonists in both stories are trying to get laid and they do some silly things along the path of their goals. The funniest part of this story in my opinion is when Jimmy dresses up like an 80’s punk to try and impress Vanessa, but instead looks like a homeless drug addict. Not off to a good start, Mr. Moon! It gets sillier from there. With the English backdrop, this book also reminds me of Monty Python, Danger Mouse, and John Oliver’s show rolled up into one chaotic comedy while dropping a bucket full of LSD. This story is quite possibly the weirdest thing I’ve ever read, but I mean that in the most loving way.

Despite the weirdness of it all, the further you get into this book, the more it begins to read like a legitimate plot instead of just a hodgepodge of comedic antics. We have an imperfect protagonist in Jimmy Stewart Moon. We have a low point near the end. We have a believable climax. And most importantly, we have an ending that nobody would have seen coming for miles, yet that too is believable. I will say though that it takes a great deal of patience to get through the first few pages. Upon first glance, I thought it was going to be TOO weird for my tastes, but my patience paid off and I read an entertaining story.

But just like with any mixed review, there are some complaints that need to be addressed. Although they are few and far between, this book does have its fair share of grammatical errors, misspellings, and other mistakes that no beta reader would ever let slide. But I personally will let this slide because the mistakes don’t corrupt the entire story. It was still enjoyable, but having a beta reader sweep through the errors would be a good call on Mr. Davies’ part.

The only other complaint I need to address is the liberal use of pop culture references. Normally when using these references, there should also be a description of what that reference looks like. For example, if someone looks like Jessica Rabbit, I expect that author to describe her as having long red hair, a seductive face, and a red cocktail dress. While some people have an idea of what the celebrity, TV show, or movie is like already, not everybody fits that bill. It would be like talking to a wrestling fan born in the 2000’s and watching him scratch his head at the mention of Mr. Perfect. It doesn’t even have to be a generational barrier; it could just be someone who has never seen the medium before.

I’m giving this story a mixed grade and not a failing one, because the positives heavily outweigh the negatives. It’s a short book and it reads quickly, so if you don’t have the patience to blow through such a story, I don’t know what to tell you. I blew through it and I enjoyed it every step of the way. Not bad for an author who wrote this story at a young age!