Pull a Knife

VERSE 1

Respect for authority, agree with the majority

Keep the peace, you should only be seen

And never heard, not a single word

Will come from your lips or they’ll rap the tips

Of your fingers with a ruler, you little grammar-schooler

Some rap the knuckles, either way your knees buckle

Stand up to injustice? Do that, you’ll get busted

Assume the position, it’s your life’s ambition

 

DIALOGUE

That all sounds well and good, but I’d rather…

 

CHORUS

Pull a knife! Take their wallet!

Accountability is what I’ll call it!

Pull a gun! Steal their purse!

I don’t care if it makes things worse!

 

VERSE 2

Words have failed, now your life has derailed

Now it’s punches and kicks, stones and sticks

Violence is the language of pain and anguish

Because the rules don’t apply to the suits and ties

The rules mean nothing when the shotgun’s pumping

Shells in the heads of the poor and underfed

It’s kill or be killed, I’ll die on this hill

It’s either you or them, who’d be better off dead?

 

DIALOGUE

I’d love to sing kumbaya with my killers, but I’d rather…

 

CHORUS

Pull a knife! Take their wallets!

Accountability is what I’ll call it!

Pull a gun! Steal their purse!

I don’t care if it makes things worse!

 

BRIDGE

Are they scared of the city? They made things shitty

Flooding the streets with guns and heat

Flooding the veins with heroin, cocaine

Cutting the funding, now the cops go hunting

Expect obedience? That shit’s so devious

Has the opposite effect of what it all meant

What’s the use? You got nothing left to lose

Nothing’s more dangerous than a bullet up their anus!

 

CHORUS

Pull a knife! Take their wallet!

Accountability is what I’ll call it!

Pull a gun! Steal their purse!

I don’t care if it makes things worse!

Do it like Robin Hood! Do it like Luigi!

Scrape their remains off the sidewalk with a squeegee!

They created a monster! Created a killer!

They debate all they want, but it’s background filler!

Pull a knife!

Pull a gun!

Pull a bazooka!

It’s the end of the world, let’s have some fun!

Metropolis of Mediocrity

VERSE 1

No hobbies for you, just the red, white, and blue

Say the Pledge of Allegiance ‘til Satan is defeated

Punch-down comedians in an idiot contest

Take Pink Floyd and George Carlin out of context

They say the seven words and still need an education

Egocentric minds trained to recognize one nation

The rest of the world is outside of the bubble

Cross the borderline and you’re in biblical trouble

 

CHORUS

Metropolis of mediocrity

Miles away from the bluest blue cities

Break free from the doomer mindset

The key to your chains costs the same as your rent

 

VERSE 2

Romantic dinner at Dairy Dan’s

Movie at Yardbirds, holding calloused hands

Those wounds tell the story of religious abuse

You could call 9-1-1, but it’s just old news

Bringing her baggage into your union of love

The eyes of her god are watching from above

Say the words “I do” on your wedding day

You’re too young for this shit, barely older than eight

 

CHORUS

Metropolis of mediocrity

Miles away from the bluest blue cities

Break free from the doomer mindset

The key to your chains costs the same as your rent

 

VERSE 3

A new city and a new abode

Finally free, but stuck in fight or flight mode

You ran from your trauma, but you kept the pain

Forever a prisoner of a malfunctioning brain

The new friends you make don’t last forever

They can’t help you with the ties you must sever

Create your own greatness, but they call it ego

Show vulnerability and they call you emo

 

EXTENDED CHORUS

Metropolis of mediocrity

Miles away from the bluest blue cities

Break free from the doomer mindset

The key to your chains costs the same as your rent

You can run all you want, but hiding’s not an option

The cycle ends here, because only you can stop it

Enough is enough is a mantra, not a cliché

The next generation learns from how you behave

 

OUTRO

You take your stories to the grave!

Those lessons make the children brave!

Let them learn their own worth!

Greatness is a gift from the day of their birth!

Try That in a Comedy Club

VERSE 1: CHEESY COMEDIAN

“Rabbits going back is a receding hare line

That chick’s a parking ticket, ‘cause damn, she’s fine

There’s only one way to catch a unique rabbit

Unique up on it, gob-less the sabbath

I did a line of coke and I wrote down the joke

Rolled a joint full of green and I gave it a smoke

I can make a lot of pennies off the number 420

And the number 69, yo, I got to get mine”

 

CHORUS 1

Try that in a comedy club

You can go to the Apollo, but you’ll get no love

You can call it cancel culture, but I call it fate

Maybe there’s a reason why you get all the hate

 

VERSE 2: EDGY COMEDIAN

“I like to slap bitches, I like to slap hoes

Take a pair of brass knucks across her perfect nose

I identify as the guy who pulls out a knife

Carves the N-word on your head, watch that shit bleed red

You can’t cancel me, ‘cause I’ve got all the money

I’m the only one who decides what’s funny

Not my audience or the world wide web

I’ll be triggering you all ‘til the day I’m dead”

 

CHORUS 1

Try that in a comedy club

You can go to the Apollo, but you’ll get no love

You can call it cancel culture, but I call it fate

Maybe there’s a reason why you get all the hate

 

VERSE 3: ME

You could never measure up to George Carlin’s legend

You say you speak the truth, but he’s the only one who said it

Context is important, but to you it doesn’t matter

‘Cause a list of racial slurs is your ticket to laughter

If a million people laugh, then that’s a million idiots

If a million defend you, then that’s a million hypocrites

At your own funeral, you ain’t an unexpected guest

But nobody showed up to lay your ass to rest

 

CHORUS 2

Try that in the Hall of Fame

All you mediocre men sound about the same

You’d never laugh at a woman on stage

Unless of course she shared your bigoted rage

Try that at the Kennedy Center

Even if you blew the owner, he wouldn’t let you enter

Try that on your Nazi bird app

You’re not triggering the libs, ‘cause no one gives a crap

 

OUTRO: REAL COMEDIAN

“Of course Elon Musk likes to call Twitter X. He’s racked up a lot of exes, because he couldn’t give them O’s on his best day.”

(Audience laughter)