Twitter Tough Guy

VERSE 1

Seven feet tall, built like a brick wall

Tougher opponents can’t be found at all

A black belt or higher in every martial art

Military training so you can do your part

But your greatest weapon isn’t a pistol

Or a flamethrower to make me sizzle

You pack a punch with a Twitter account

Talk in all caps just to make shit loud

CHORUS

Twitter tough guy! Make the world cry!

Twitter badass! Take us all to class!

Ballsy statements in so few sentences

Too bad there’s nothing to your sentiments

VERSE 2

Lift five hundred pounds at the gym

Flirt with a chick in shorts named Kim

Eat protein bars, drive gas-guzzling cars

Take your selfies like a Twitter rock star

Send your dick pics to random women

Show them the erection you’ve been given

You talk so much, yet have nothing to say

The schedule of your meaningless days

CHORUS

Twitter tough guy! Make the world cry!

Twitter badass! Take us all to class!

Ballsy statements in so few sentences

Too bad there’s nothing to your sentiments

VERSE 3

Shoot your favorite gun just for fucking fun

Mounted on a jeep that weighs a hundred tons

Take a picture that will last until forever

Dare the Twitterverse to find something better

How about buckwheat pancakes with agave nectar?

Especially when they shoot right out of my rectum?

Rebecca Black songs are more exciting than you

You face your victims and don’t know what to do

EXTENDED CHORUS

Twitter tough guy! Make the world cry!

Twitter badass! Take us all to class!

Ballsy statements in so few sentences

Too bad there’s nothing to your sentiments

Twitter boy toy! Who shall you annoy?!

Twitter Romeo! Why don’t you blow me-o!

Twitter Casanova! This is your magnum opus!

Twitter tough guy! Your whole life is a lie!