Character Names

If you’re a writer and you need to pick a name for your character, what kind of impression do you want to leave? Do you want to go for ethnic flavor? How about unbridled badassery? Or maybe you’ll choose the silly-willy route. Either way, tread carefully when choosing a name. I honestly believe there aren’t very many Chinese people named Sean McDonald and not many Irish people named Ryo Zhang. There also isn’t a huge line of barbarians named Sam Winkle or Floyd Phillips. What about accountants named Scorn Flesheater or Markus Bullhammer? If you’re going to choose a name for your character, make sure it sends the right message. That’s all I’m asking. Take the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” for instance. The lead characters are named Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. The author, EL James, took a lot of flak for choosing these stereotypically sexy names. What else was she supposed to do? Would you rather their names be Arthur Klutz and Blanche Toodles? I don’t care how many blowjob scenes there are in the book, nobody will jerk off to them if those are the names of the characters. Same thing goes with the names Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, and Jacob Black. As much as I hate to admit it, those are actually reasonably good names for characters of that genre. If their respective names were Vivian Sinkhole, Lloyd Walters, and Daniel the Daffodil, Stephanie Meyer wouldn’t be worth a food stamp card, let alone millions of dollars. And what about Conan the Barbarian? Suppose his name was Wally the Barbarian. He would have gotten his ass kicked long before he had the chance to become a hero. In fact, he might have been aborted with a jagged dagger covered in snake poison. Names tell you a lot about the character, so choose wisely. I made this mistake back in 2009 when I had my second run at Lulu.com, this time under the name Ryu Bashir. I am neither Japanese nor Arab, so like Superman with kryptonite up his ass, that’s not going to fly. Though if I was that serious about maintaining my privacy, it would have thrown a lot of people off my trail. If you want to save yourself some heartache and belittlement from your critics, pick a name for your character that’s actually relevant to the time period he’s in, his ethnicity, his age, and his general likeability. Got it? Good. Thanks for listening.

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What’s it called when a UFC bantamweight does a solid for another fighter?
A: Urijah Favor.