Celebrity Memoirs

I hate to break it to you, Tea-Baggers, but Sarah Palin didn’t actually write “Going Rogue”. She can barely write talking points on her hand. She did what every other celebrity has done when they wanted to put out a book: she hired a ghostwriter. As much as I hate to admit it, there are pro-wrestlers out there as well who’ve used ghostwriters as well from Lesnar to Jericho. Unless the celebrity is already an established author like Tobias Wolff or Sarah Vowell, you can be pretty sure some ghostwriter out there wrote the damn book without being touted or paid very well. It’s the curse of being a ghostwriter, but it’s like my sister-in-law Susan says: “You have to start somewhere.” But if all of this celebrity-endorsed work is really a product of qualified writers, then why do bookworms toss them aside like they’re beneath the works of Stephen King and Suzanne Collins? I’ll tell you why: because the ghostwriters dictate a style in which their boss speaks. If you read a celebrity memoir and it suddenly sounded like a Pulitzer magnet, there’s something seriously wrong here. Do you honestly believe that Snooki is capable of talking like a literature student? I hope to God you don’t. Truth is, we don’t buy celebrity memoirs because they’re intelligently written. We buy them because we want to get intimate with the private lives of the person we’re reading about. I will say this: celebrity books dictate a very quick pace because they don’t overdo heavy descriptive language. The descriptions found in these books will most likely be a pop culture reference of some kind. Take for instance “Undisputed” by Chris Jericho. There’s a scene where he’s playing a Fozzy gig and he slides off the stage in what appears to be a goofy accident. You want to know what he compared it to? The toboggan scene from Christmas Vacation. Remember that scene? I do, but that doesn’t mean everybody else does. Not everybody has seen that movie before. But that’s okay, because celebrities can get away with pop culture references. Why is that? Because they’re famous and people will buy their books whether the writing is good or not. If you have no fame, don’t even try for a pop culture reference. It won’t work. People who don’t listen to Nightwish won’t know what you’re talking about if you all of the sudden compare the beauty of your girlfriend to that of Tarja Turunen. Celebrities can get away with pretty much anything they want. They’re famous, they’re rich, and people will love them no matter what. That’s not to say that celebrity memoirs can’t be entertaining. On the contrary, “Undisputed” was VERY entertaining. Just don’t expect to see these books in a college classroom. Ever.

　

***WRESTLING DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

DANIEL BRYAN: I feel naked without the tag team titles!
KANE: That’s because you’re not wearing a shirt. Or pants.