BOOK TITLE: Cry Standing Up
AUTHOR: Valarie Savage Kinney
YEAR: 2019
GENRE: Nonfiction
SUBGENRE: Grief Memoir
GRADE: Extra Credit
Losing family members so soon is never easy to deal with,
whether it’s the actual deaths or the anxiety and depression that come with it.
In this grief memoir, you will feel every emotion Valarie Savage Kinney feels
and more often than not it will hurt worse than a gunshot to the heart. So many
times people have told her “get over it” or “not dwell on the past”. Ridding
oneself of mental illnesses isn’t as simple as everyone makes it out to be. It’s
a beast that eats the victim alive from the inside. The author does a
phenomenal job of describing the horrific effects of her mental illnesses, so
much so that she’s easy to relate to. Mental illness is a universal problem
that needs addressing. Don’t run from your demons. Don’t destroy yourself in an
effort to numb the pain. Face these hideous monsters head on. Cry standing up.
The descriptions Valarie uses to describe her psychological
attacks are incredibly vivid, whether it’s anxiety making her heart thump at a
million miles an hour or depression making her want to stay in bed all day and
do absolutely nothing. Sometimes she cries for no reason at all. Sometimes her
body feels as though she’s pinned underneath a vehicle. Sometimes she has
nightmares that are so bloody and terrifying that they completely undermine her
own violent tendencies when writing scenes from her fantasy novels. Mental
illness hurts in every way. It always will. It’s what you do about that pain
that determines your quality of life. Staying positive all the time is
virtually impossible, but taking comfort in the little victories in life can
make a world of difference. That’s what her memoir means to me and should mean
to everyone who reads it.
One of the many things about this book that hit me the
hardest was Valarie’s inability to understand plots of novels she reads or
television shows she watches. As a sufferer of mental illness myself, I’ve had
this happen to me on many occasions. It’s frustrating, especially to someone
whose main occupation revolves around being creative and coming up with their
own stories. You want so much to be able to get your comprehension abilities
back, but like country singer Luke Bryan said in an interview, you won’t be
100% anymore, so hopefully you’ll at least get to 75%. In the end, losing
pieces of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of. It took a long time for Valarie
to learn this, but it’s a lesson she can safely pass onto her readers whether
they’re struggling or are about to struggle.
Another piece of wisdom I enjoyed from this book is giving
yourself permission to rest. It doesn’t mean bypassing your responsibilities
completely. It just means taking these breaks when you can. Enjoy the silence.
Enjoy the little moments in life. If you have to take a nap, go for it. If all
you want to do is sit and stare, by all means, go for it. Even if you work a
nine-to-five job and have other duties on top of that, you can only stretch
yourself so thin before you completely burst at the seams. You don’t owe
anybody an explanation or an apology for wanting some downtime. Relax every
once and a while. Be good to yourself. When you get back on your feet again, your
body and mind will thank you for the moments of respite.
Deaths of loved ones were a common occurrence throughout
this memoir. It didn’t seem like the universe was going to give Valarie a break
in between deaths, panic attacks, and moments of extreme sadness and
exhaustion. If you don’t relate to loss already, you will as life goes on.
Nothing lasts forever. Death is another part of life. It’s sad that we have to
prepare ourselves for when that day finally comes, but Valarie’s experiences
will serve as a reminder that sunny days will come again. If you must cry, cry
standing up. The dark valleys you have will be worth it if you know there’s a
valley of light waiting for you at the end of it all. An extra credit grade
goes to this emotional and raw piece of nonfiction.
