Swearison

VERSE 1

I swore at Lego Land and the Great Wolf Lodge

I swore as a teenager under parental watch

I swore when I cleaned dog shit off the floor

I swore until my motherfucking throat was sore

Letting out swear words is a form of therapy

I don’t give a shit if it’s a form of heresy

I don’t give a flying fuck who I offend

I take a deep breath and turn it up to ten

CHORUS

You can call me Swearison

Or you call me a barbarian

I’m sorry for your embarrassment

But you’re hanging out with Swearison

VERSE 2

I scream goddamn it when I bang my elbow

I yell motherfucker when I stub my big toe

I shout Jesus Christ when I bang my head

I bellow like a beast and wake the fucking dead

I should probably sign up for anger management

But it’s too much fun to commit sacrilege

It’s too exciting to shout from the rooftop

Get out of the kitchen if you think it’s too hot

CHORUS

You can call me Swearison

Or you call me a barbarian

I’m sorry for your embarrassment

But you’re hanging out with Swearison

VERSE 3

Cussing in a church or in a courthouse

Using more sex puns than a whorehouse

Cussing in school or a grade below this

Life’s too short for G-rated bullshit

Cussing in a theater with a Disney flick

The Little Mermaid’s tower looks like a dick

Cussing isn’t stupid or even immoral

If you don’t like it, you can give me some oral

EXTENDED CHORUS

You can call me Swearison

Or you call me a barbarian

I’m sorry for your embarrassment

But you’re hanging out with Swearison

My real name is Garrison

I’m a loud and proud heretic

I’m sorry for your sensitivity

I guess you’re really just shitting me

Roger Waters: Us & Them

***BEFORE I BEGIN: GREAT WOLF LODGE***

This past Monday and Tuesday, I was staying at the Great Wolf Lodge in Centralia with my brother James, my niece Reina, and her friend Abby. The indoor water park had some badass slides, to say the least. My Old Yeller moniker was in full effect that day as I flew through those tubes at a million miles an hour. I also liked those buckets of water that kids could dump over our heads once they filled up automatically. It’s the most innocent form of trolling imaginable. But the food, goddamn, all that food. The burger joint across the street had a one-pound burger with four fucking patties, enough cheese to fill an entire dairy farm, and more grease than the water park had water. There were probably enough calories in that meal alone to power The Rock through his six hour workout. All in all, it was an enjoyable trip and a worthy birthday present. And now here’s your feature presentation.

***ROGER WATERS: US & THEM***

This coming Saturday night, former Pink Floyd bassist, singer, and songwriter Roger Waters is going to do a concert at the Tacoma Dome. Like nearly all of his shows before this one, he’s not going to have an opening act. This will be my fourth time seeing him live with my first three times being in 2000 in Portland, 2006 in Seattle, and 2010 at the Tacoma Dome. Roger puts on such elaborate shows that transcend the music itself. It’s never the same concert twice. The giant video screen, the inflatable pig, the laser show, and the pyrotechnics all come together to accompany the always awesome music of Mr. Pink Floyd himself. For this particular concert, he’s supporting a solo album he put out recently called “Is This the Life We Really Want?” I got it for my 32^nd birthday this year and I love every track on the album. I believe it’s the first one of his that received an explicit lyrics warning. Swearison Killy loves his filthy language! As far as creative output goes, I’m going to try and get my WSS contest entry written before Saturday night. Since we’re on the topic of that:

***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

TITLE: Dayton Spoke Choir

CHARACTERS:

1.      Laguna Pearman, Charismatic Cult Leader

2.      Matt McQueen, Detective

3.      Caylee McQueen, Matt’s Daughter

PROMPT: Into the Unknown

PROMPT CONFORMITY: Matt doesn’t know what to expect when he enters the church, so he’s definitely diving into the unknown.

SYNOPSIS: Matt takes time off work to rescue his kidnapped daughter. He finds her in an abandoned church, but not the way he wants to. Caylee is singing in a brainwashed choir of kidnapped children led by Laguna. Sickened and infuriated at the same time, Matt won’t hold back when he tries to beat the crap out of Laguna.

EXTRA NOTE: I’m having second thoughts about this one since it sounds eerily similar to a Poison Tongue Tales story I wrote called “Lord of the Crack House”, which involves a detective father trying to free his drug addicted daughter from a boarded up building occupied by a crazy coke dealer. I’ll have to think of some ways to differentiate the two stories before I go in and write it out.

***CONCERT QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Stop letting off fireworks and shouting and screaming! I’m trying to sing a song! I mean, I don’t care! If you don’t want to hear it, you know, fuck you! I’m sure there’re a lot of people here who do want to hear it! So why don’t you just be quiet! If you want to let your fireworks off, go outside and let them off out there! And if you want to shout and scream and holler, go do it outside! I’m trying to sing a song that some people want to listen to! I want to listen to it!”

-Roger Waters-