There Won't Be a Next Time

VERSE 1

Call me on the phone with tears in your eyes

All because you never got to say goodbye

It’s two in the morning and I’ve popped my pills

I have this conversation against my will

You’ve searched every place for just one answer

Except for the mirror, your one true romancer

It’s all your fault, ‘cause everything’s your fault

Rip the cord out of the wall to end these phone calls

 

CHORUS

I already know you won’t do it next time

Why? Because there won’t be a next time!

You’re like everyone else who blew their chances

Flushed away your own friendships and romances

 

VERSE 2

I can only imagine what you’re like in real life

Either a fair-weather friend or a yandere wife

Would you throw knives at me at Thanksgiving dinner?

Debate me at Christmas until you’re the winner?

Leave me behind on a faraway vacation?

So many dark scenarios in my imagination

Anxiety gives me the gift that keeps giving

A lifetime with you isn’t one that’s worth living

 

CHORUS

I already know you won’t do it next time

Why? Because there won’t be a next time!

You’re like everyone else who blew their chances

Flushed away your own friendships and romances

 

BRIDGE

Life would be easier if you just wore a shirt

That says, “I’m evil and I’m lower than dirt”

That way I wouldn’t spend time chasing your skirt

My brain would stay sane, your heart would never hurt

 

VERSE 3

And now it’s all over, so what should I do?

Spend more time creating, less thinking of you

I’ve got a wish list that’s about a mile long

Time to show the world what it means to be strong

But first a little shiver underneath my blanket

Wondering all day if I’m even going to make it

I dreamed of making money with my artistic skills

Climb the corporate mountain, but the avalanche kills

 

EXTENDED CHORUS

I already know you won’t do it next time

Why? Because there won’t be a next time!

You’re like everyone else who blew their chances

Flushed away your own friendships and romances

You can say you’re sorry until your throat goes raw

You can scream until you unhinge your own jaw

You can hang onto my leg like a little bitty toddler

Go and get a life, unlike an aborted daughter

Get a Hobby

VERSE 1

Get a hobby! Any kind will do

Go for a jog underneath the snow moon

Slow it down to a walk if you’re too heavy

Or go for a ride in your old school Chevy

There’s a world out there beyond it all

It can’t be separated by border walls

When you stop obsessing over nunya business

You just might feel some lovey-dovey kisses

VERSE 2

Get a hobby! Any kind you like

Put it down, pick it up like riding a bike

Read epic fantasies across several novels

Or write them yourself ‘til you become a fossil

Play videogames, swing axes at dragons

Go on more adventures than Bilbo Baggins

When you curl the finger you point so much

You’ll find there’s nobody left to judge

BRIDGE

Get a hobby! You don’t have to get a life

Make friends! You don’t have to get a wife

Make memories! You don’t have to get a knife

Unless you’re cooking dinner, chop those onions right

VERSE 3

Get a hobby! Don’t hurt nobody else

Ain’t nobody in sight that needs a living hell

Keyboards are for chatting with buddies

Not for slinging shit so goopy and muddy

Get a hobby! I don’t care what it is

Don’t declare yourself the King of the Cis

Crowns are for cosplay at the Comic Con

Not for telling people that their culture is wrong

FINAL VERSE

Get a hobby, little Bobby

Have fun, you son of a gun

Create anything but hate

Get a hobby! Get a hobby!