***PUBLIC SPEAKING***
Even though I did standup comedy and stage acting as a
teenager, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that I can’t stand
public speaking. Being nervous and forgetting my lines in front of that many
people? Forget it, buddy. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could read from a script
the entire time, but then I’m sacrificing that all-important eye contact with
my audience. Also without a prepared script, I’m left having to fill time with
other topics that I haven’t rehearsed. But as much as I can’t stand public
speaking, it’s clear to me after watching one of Jenna Moreci’s You Tube videos
that I’ll have to do it if I want to be a successful indie author.
Giving interviews, giving lectures, and recording my own
online videos are all part of an author’s platform growth. Not only do I have
to swallow my pride and do these things, but I have to sound confident too. In
the words of Vince Lombardi, confidence is contagious, so is lack of
confidence. If I stutter and stammer over my words, it’s going to stick out
like a nun at a porn convention. This is especially noticeable at every job
interview I’ve ever conducted. I’d speak in a quiet voice and take time to
think about my answers. Not good!
So in order to get myself together long enough for an
introvert’s worst nightmare, I’ve come up with my own gimmick for these events.
Because I have a prescription for Xanax and they’re taken on an as-needed
basis, I’m going to bring two pills and a bottle of water with me to every
speech and swallow said pills in front of the audience. This is my own special
way of telling them, “You did this to me!” without actually going berserk. Once
the chill pills wash over me, I’ll probably sound like I just woke up from a
nap, but that’s probably better than sounding like I’m terrified.
If the Xanax gimmick sounds a little suspicious to you, it
shouldn’t. If something calms you down and makes you perform better in front of
a crowd, why question it? I would never drink alcohol myself because of the way
it turns otherwise normal people into rowdy assholes. But then you have people
who drink before a performance and seem perfectly rational onstage. I don’t
know what it is about booze that makes people courageous, but if it works for
you and you don’t sound like a total douche, bottoms up. I wouldn’t recommend
the hard drugs like cocaine and heroin. I’d be okay with marijuana, but that’s
not really considered “hardcore”.
Shit, there are a lot of things people do in order to relax
in front of an audience. When Kevin Smith was filming Clerks, the guy who
played Randal, Jeff Anderson, would chew gum throughout the movie because it
evens him out. Studies have shown that chewing gum is calming because it
triggers the same part of the brain as eating. If you need further proof that
eating is a calming and joyful experience, look at the size of my belly. If
chewing gum helps Jeff Anderson get through his job, more power to him. I’ll
even give him a giant wad of Bubbleicious Mondo (if they still sell that).
The easy solution to sounding confident in front of an
audience would be to rehearse your lines over and over again. But rehearsing
your lines and actually producing them to a crowd are two completely different
animals. You could sound like a million bucks in front of a mirror, but with
tens of thousands of people judging you with their eyes? Jesus fuck! It’s part
of the reason why I wouldn’t want to be a rock star even though I fantasize
about singing onstage almost every day. Rock stars tend to be extroverts while
authors such as myself are hardcore introverts.
So now that I’ve revealed to the world that I’m calming
myself down with Xanax before a big speech, all that’s left is to book some
appearances where I’d have to engage the public. Unfortunately, I’m not famous
enough to warrant an in-person interview, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make
You Tube videos. I have a digital camera, so it’s not like I’m starving for the
right technology. What I am starving for is the right topic to discuss. Sure, I
could just talk about writing like I am now, but what specifically? These
topics have to be carefully chosen and preferably ones where I’m an expert.
What am I an expert in? Eh, I’ll figure it out eventually, just not right now.
Leaving the comfort zone is hard for a lot of people (myself
included), but it’s a necessary step in becoming successful in the writing
industry (or any other industry for that matter). The comfort zone is a
beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. I’ve been resisting this truth
for far too long. I’ve always figured that sacrificing comfort wasn’t worth it
in the end because whatever I did would be a bad decision anyways. Even though
I now have a degree and an education, I consider going to WWU a bad decision
because of the loneliness and scrutiny I experienced. I left the comfort zone
and paid the price. If one of my readers would like to try and convince me to
leave my comfort zone and make some You Tube videos, I’d be willing to listen.
If not, that’s cool too. We’ve got ears, say cheers!
***AMERICAN DARKNESS 3***
Yesterday was one hell of a productive day for me. Not only
did I write “Escape From Kentucky” and entered it into the WSS contest for that
week, but I did a bunch of other things as well whether it was drawing Walt
Magnus, reading my Kelly Carlin book, or even doing the laundry. Let’s keep the
momentum going for a story called “Food Stomp”, which goes like this:
CHARACTERS:
1. Rollin
O’Neil, Mentally Disabled Food Stamp User
2. Mike
Wolf, Robber
3. Rachelle
Daley, Robber
PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.
SYNOPSIS: Mike and Rachelle wait until a Fudd Meyers grocery
store closes and break in to rob it. The dark morning ensures they have no
human obstacles, or at least they think so. Rollin keeps appearing out of
nowhere like a ghost in an attempt to talk Mike and Rachelle out of robbing
Fudd Meyers and making the store’s prices go up.
OOC: It’s easy to tell that this synopsis was written a long
time ago, judging from how fucking short it is.
***QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“If you want to find out
who your friends are, sink the ship. The first ones to jump are not your
friends.”
-Marilyn Manson-
