Jerk of the Year

VERSE 1

I tried to sing a song called “Daffodil Lament”

But you’re living in my head without paying rent

Changing the lyrics into a pornographic parody

Booing me and laughing like it’s all hilarity

If they gave an award for Jerk of the Year

You’d have millions of them magically appear

Covering your walls like the paint itself

Every closet, every desk, every space on your shelf

CHORUS 1

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s like winning the Golden Raspberry

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s like losing your booby prize cherry

VERSE 2

You joke about war, you joke about famine

Joke about kids getting blasted with a cannon

You laugh it all off, you call it “dark humor”

You call your criticism “fake news rumors”

Gallows humor is real, but let me ask you this

Are you the one wishing that the blade will miss?

The guillotine cuts you, your jokes get the laughs

But if you’re in the crowd, you’re just another ass

CHORUS 2

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s like winning the Gooker Award

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s like falling on a bladeless sword

VERSE 3

You can torch an orphanage, kick a few puppies

Pay the shitty wages to millennial yuppies

You can take the lollipop from a baby’s hand

Drop a few bombs on a foreigner’s land

The judge and jury are always on your side

You got the not guilty vote in a fucking landslide

When your ego and bank account are the same size

You eat steak, drink wine, fuck the nuggets and fries

CHORUS 3

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s almost better than a Medal of Honor

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

It’s almost worth being a heartless monster

Jerk of the Decade! There’s no disputing

Jerk of the Century! Not worth feuding

Jerk of the Millennium! The ultimate truth

Biggest Jerk of All Time! I’ve got proof

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

You’re the Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

Jerk of the Year! Jerk of the Year!

Seaside Vacation

***SEASIDE VACATION***

From May 3^rd to the 5^th (Wednesday through Friday), I’m headed out to Seaside, Oregon for a vacation with my parents. I’ve been to this city three different times and it never loses its beauty. Dog friendliness, fun beaches, lovely weather, good food, and lots to do; that’s Seaside in a nutshell. During these three days of rest and relaxation, there will be no creative output from me other than reading my book and maybe some photography (which I won’t upload until after I get home). However, since the WSS contests begin every Wednesday with a new prompt, I’ll only be gone until Friday, so that means I have Saturday to recover and Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday to pump out the next chapter of Demon Axe. Keep your fingers crossed that I get to do some writing before the next contest. There will be another vacation I’ll tell you guys about two weeks from the Seaside one, so look forward to that blog entry in the near future. I may be gone, but I’ll always come back and chitchat with my awesome audience. I may even do some of that when I’m using the hotel computer or an internet café. See you later, alligators!

***DEMON AXE, CHAPTER 22***

The novel’s almost over, folks. Just this chapter and an epilogue are all I have left. I don’t want to give away too much of chapter 22 because I ended chapter 21 on a cliffhanger. Roger Zee sees something out in the distance that keeps him from slashing the hell out of our main heroes. If you’ve figured out what this is, then congratulations to you. If you haven’t, enjoy the surprise. Hopefully it won’t translate to a Deus Ex Machina surprise.

***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***

If John Cena and Nikki Bella ever decide to have a child together and it’s a daughter, they probably shouldn’t name her Tina. Nothing says “Gooker Award Winner” like a grown woman named Tina Cena.