Lionize the Bad Guy

VERSE 1

He’s got a whole ass file on his favorite chicky

Face Book bikini picks gives him a sticky dicky

Send her a thousand letters, give the envelope a licky

Beat her man with driftwood or make the gun go clicky-clicky

It’s society that made him a little sicky-sicky

Hurry and say sorry, ‘cause time is ticky-ticky

Moral grayness is always tricky-tricky

That’s why you can never be too picky-picky

 

CHORUS

Lionize the bad guy

It’s everyone else’s fault

That he’s such a sad guy

Now the spinning world has come to a halt

 

VERSE 2

Everyone’s favorite story is when zero turns to hero

Might get a good review from some dude named Shapiro

Might become the manifesto of some basement-dwelling weirdo

Might become the ammunition to break the attrition

 

CHORUS

Lionize the bad guy

It’s everyone else’s fault

That he’s such a sad guy

Now the spinning world has come to a halt

 

VERSE 3

Who do you let play with your brain like clay?

They’ve lost their way, it’s as clear as day

They made you laugh, made you cry a long time ago

Now you’re swimming in tears, they’re rolling in dough

Money’s kind of funny in the way it controls everything

Who gets the cardboard box, who gets the brass ring?

It’s the same ring you put your lips on before their boots

All because you found toxic romance to be cute

 

EXTENDED CHORUS

Lionize the bad guy

It’s everyone else’s fault

That he’s such a sad guy

Now the spinning world has come to a halt

Demonize the tearful

They’re always just so sensitive

And always so fearful

In a world that pisses away evidence

 

FINAL LINE

Goodnight, my supreme gentlemen. And always remember: it’s never your fault.

Wreck-It Ralph

MOVIE TITLE: Wreck-It Ralph

DIRECTOR: Rich Moore

YEAR: 2012

GENRE: Children’s 3D Animation

RATING: PG for comic mischief

GRADE: Pass

In a digital universe inhabited by arcade game characters, Wreck-It Ralph is the bad guy of his respective videogame Fix-It Felix. As such, he feels unappreciated by his good guy cohorts and seeks to do gain a hero medal from another game. He finds one in a first person shooter called Hero’s Duty, but takes it with him to a candy-themed racing game called Sugar Rush. There he meets a glitch character named Vanellope who feels just as isolated as he does. The two annoy the hell out of each other, but agree to help each other achieve their goals, Ralph’s being to retrieve the medal and Vanellope’s being to win the race. Standing in their way are the tyrannical King Candy and a virus bug from Hero’s Duty that swarms and multiplies.

The message of this movie is one we’ve heard time and time again, but it never gets old because we have to keep reminding ourselves of it. That message is to be yourself and be proud of who you are. Don’t let the world bring you down and don’t let anybody else define who you should be. If you want to be well-liked, do something admirable and leave the trophies and petty jewelry behind. A medal is a tiny coin, but a legacy is something that lasts forever. This whole movie is a journey for Wreck-It Ralph to find acceptance by doing what he does best: destroy things. He tried too hard to be the good guy and he ended up being a worse bad guy. As far as Vanellope goes, she too has a journey to go through that involves individuality. She’s spunky, sweet, and delightfully annoying, yet she’s the most determined racer in Sugar Rush. Ralph and Vanellope are characters we can get behind as well as the others who support them like Fix-It Felix and the captain from the first person shooter Tamora Jean Calhoun. That’s what makes the message of the movie so special: relatable characters.

Another thing I must applaud this movie for his the creativity it took to make this movie. This could be considered fan fiction in some ways because it features M. Bison and Zangief from Street Fighter II and Bowser from the Mario games just to name a few. Granted, those are cameo appearances, but the movie still makes good use of them as part of a bad guy support group. The Sugar Rush videogame is candy-themed, so everything from the Laffy Taffies to the chocolate quicksand to the Mentos and Diet Coke lair is well-done, well-placed, and important to our story. Creativity also involves the various outcomes and high and low points of the movie, not just physical features. The big low point at the end will make you weep, the sweet ending will make you giddy inside, and the build up to both of those things will remind you of a brother-sister dynamic at home. When it comes to creativity, the makers of Wreck-It Ralph left no stone unturned and made sure the audience went home happy.

Speaking of making everything click, the storyline actually makes sense considering all of the variables in this movie. Whenever a game glitches or has a character crossover, the arcade machine is “out of order” and pulling the plug on it will erase the entire game. There’s a train station connecting all the games together via the power strip and its various cords, which is important for keeping everybody in order and with their own games. Crossing over is actually a huge no-no in this world, which is no more evident than when Wreck-It Ralph accidentally leads a virus bug into Sugar Rush and all of his friends have to come rescue him before it multiplies. When you have a movie with this many loose ends, it needs its own set if strict rules so that it doesn’t become too unbelievable. I commend anybody who can maintain order with this much chaos going on.

If you’re looking for an enjoyable movie for the whole family, young or old, be sure to watch Wreck-It Ralph. Older audience members will have retro-grade nostalgia for these arcade games. Younger audiences will enjoy the quirky characters and their silly jokes. Film critics will love how everything clicks together and nothing is left unattended to. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that this movie won a boat-load of awards and was the 14^th highest grossing film of 2012. A passing grade will go to this piece of 3D animated joy. How does that sound?

Obnoxious Characters

Obnoxious characters are not always fun to read about, but they are the most necessary. While it would be nice to have every single character in a story be relatable and charming, it’s not true to the real world. These obnoxious characters can be anybody from a screaming street preacher to a psychopathic child molester. The world certainly has no shortage of people who fit these archetypes. When we’re their victims, we don’t see any need to relate to them on a personal level. When bank robbers are holding victims hostage, the victims’ first thought isn’t going to be, “I wish they were more charming” or “They must be hurting on the inside.” Their first thoughts are probably going to be something like, “Please get us out of here!” or “Will someone shoot these assholes in the head?!” But then you have something called Stockholm Syndrome, where a captive learns to depend on his kidnapper in a relationship akin to romance or family. Even then, when the victim is free, they’re going to be doing summersaults and back flips when they finally return to their original families. It’s a harsh reality that we have to live with sociopaths, but it still is reality. Of course, there’s also the argument that when someone reads a book or goes to a movie, they’re engaging in escapism. People like to go to The Hobbit in order to visit a world of dragons and fantasy, something they wouldn’t otherwise get in their current reality. But even then, there will still be characters that you root for and characters you’re rooting against. In the case of The Hobbit, you cheer for Bilbo Baggins and against that one-armed orc warrior whose name escapes me. But what if you have a story where everybody is capable of being a villain? Then who do you root for? It wouldn’t be completely out of line to wish that a meteor would come crashing down from the heavens and shatter the bones of everybody in the story. It’ll never happen, but sometimes the bad guys get away with whatever they’re doing. In the Saw series, the Jigsaw Killer gets away with murder every single time. And yet, it still counts as escapism because there’s an element of fantasy in these gory movies. In the end, it comes down to which side of the fantasy-reality spectrum you’re on. If you don’t care who wins in the end, then you’re siding with reality. If you always want the good guys to win, then you’re a little closer toward fantasy. But no matter which side you find yourself on, obnoxious characters will always exist whether you want them to or not. Lord knows I’ve had to put up with Ari from NCIS for a long, long time. And the heel version of Michael Cole from the WWE? He got jammed down our throats every night one of those shows was on the air. If you expect justice in every single story you immerse yourself in, you’re going to be sorely disappointed sometimes.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“And the world spreads its legs for another fucking star! ‘Cause I am the all-American antichrist! I was made in America and America hates me for what I am! I am your shit! You should be ashamed of what you have eaten!”

-Intro to “Rock n’ Roll Nigger” by Marilyn Manson-