VERSE 1
Channing’s paycheck couldn’t buy him a feast
But he’s got beer and Netflix, at the very least
That’s what he gets for selling power tools
At the hardware store right out of trade school
Last thing he needed was the store to be robbed
What was there to steal? Nails and door knobs?
His nightmare came true at his work one day
“Stick them hands up or I’ll blow your ass away!”
VERSE 2
Robber opened the cash box and collected wallets
An act of patriotism is what he will call it
He needed the money to overthrow the “gum mint”
Buy some big ass bombs and some cool gun shit
He turned his back for a second too many
Just when he tried to squeeze out the last penny
Channing Lugar fired up the chainsaw
Morphed from working class stiff to a pain god
VERSE 3
The chase took place across several blocks
Robber left a trail of urine from his cock
Shit from his ass blew a hole in his jeans
Channing smelled Hooters steak and green beans
Even COVID deniers wanted to wear masks
Breathing human sewage is an unenviable task
Not nearly as bad as blood from the slash
Mutilation by chainsaw, corpse in the trash
VERSE 4
Is Channing Lugar a hero or a killer?
Not a rhetorical question or pointless filler
So many questions from lawyers and cops
They wade through blood and biological slop
Local news called him Chainsaw Channing Lugar
Said, “Hold my beer!” to Jason and Kruger
Going too far only works if you’re rich
Powerful too, not a working class bitch
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