I Need a Break

This was posted in the Good Reads group "Weekly Short Story Contests and Company":

Hey, everyone. I’m sure you all have noticed last week that I wasn’t a part of the short story competition. It wasn’t solely because I didn’t want to write The Uromancer anymore (though, that’s a huge part of it). This pandemic has been terrible for my mental health. More often than not, my brain will crap out on me when I need it the most. I’ll have one day of creative work then a gazillion days after that of exhaustion. I need my brain to be at 100% if I want to get anything done. That’s why I’m about to announce that I’m taking a break from the WSS. How long will this break last? I don’t know. All I know is that if I can’t use my energy to write a halfway decent short story or poem, then I should use it to finish rewriting my fantasy novel Beautiful Monster. I only have three chapters left before round three of edits/rewrites is over. Then it’s on to round four…and five…and six…and god knows how many after those. I also want to get some reading done, watch and review a few movies, and put together Lego sets I’ve kept in boxes since Christmas. It’s not that I don’t think the WSS is important. On the contrary, most of the stories in American Darkness and Poison Tongue Tales were entries for this very group. But I’ve been putting off a lot of projects lately and I don’t always have the energy to do them on a consistent basis. Thanks for understanding.

Healed By Pizza

 VERSE 1

When good things from the garden won’t be enough

I leave it up to pizza to make my belly feel stuffed

Super-sized goodness oozing with Alfredo sauce

Buffalo drizzle to show depression who’s boss

Got some bacon bits, chicken, and pepperoni slices

Cheese-stuffed crust to round out my salty vices

One bite sends me into cardiovascular heaven

Eat the whole damn thing in five minutes or seven

CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

VERSE 2

And now the voices in my head can shut the fuck up

If only for a while, it beats having to toughen up

Who needs Body By Jake? I’ve got Body By Steak

Philly cheese pizza, give the vegan shit a break

Never once have I eaten a carrot like Bugs Bunny

And suddenly lit up like I’m just as fucking funny

As a cartoon legend who could never be equaled

I’m a sad ass motherfucker, not a Looney Tunes sequel

CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

VERSE 3

Something’s not right, because my chest feels tight

I might not make it through another cheat night

Going down the tunnel towards the heavenly light

And then…PTTTTHHHHHHHH!

I blew a hole in my seat with my own ass cannon

And then felt better about my reckless abandon

Only ones who suffered were the ones who smelled it

To be fair, it’s offensive even to the one who dealt it

EXTENDED CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

I play Dominos with my friend Little Caesar

We live in a Hut with pizzas in the freezer

Papa Murphy beats the piss out of Papa John

Until his vomit-worthy rhetoric is all long gone

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Healed by pizza!

Fresh Out of Choices

 VERSE 1

“Start at the bottom, work your way to the top

What’re you waiting for? There’re floors to mop”

Yeah, like a janitor has any upward mobility

This ain’t a meritocracy, this ain’t about ability

“No experience necessary, but no rookies please

We pay minimum wage, but expect a pay freeze”

Ain’t no boss in town who wants to welcome me

That would actually require a little empathy

CHORUS

I’m fresh out of choices

I’m just an annoyance

To the quasi-elite

Who hand out defeats

VERSE 2

“Don’t crush on You Tubers, they’ll break your heart

The distance between you two is light-years apart

Get out of the house and try to talk to people

I’m sure you’ll find a sweetie pie who’s your equal”

Good advice, Tiffany, but there’s just one problem

I get more cold shoulders than the winds of autumn

I get more cold feet than streaking in Siberia

My awkwardness alone sends them running in hysteria

CHORUS

I’m fresh out of choices

I’m just an annoyance

To the quasi-elite

Who hand out defeats

VERSE 3

“If you want to be successful, write every single day

If you want to get noticed, all you’ve got to do is pray”

Okay, Deborah, but you know I’ve got to ask

How do I pull energy right out of my own ass?

“Get your ass out of bed and do some sit-ups

Only then can you be a smoke show and a pinup”

Okay, Kevin, but the real question that I’ve got

Is how can I be something that I’m clearly not?

EXTENDED CHORUS

I’m fresh out of choices

I’m just an annoyance

To the quasi-elite

Who hand out defeats

I blocked out the noises

Glass-shattering voices

Their ignorance angers

Fuck all of the danger

FYS

You know that song about walking a thousand miles?

I did it many times over with an agonized smile

Spine felt like it took some sledgehammer smashes

Soles felt like I walked barefoot through ashes

My legs couldn’t carry my pizza-stuffed body

How did light exercise become a dangerous hobby?

Collapsing on my bed was the best part of it all

Hopefully my weight loss won’t be too small

I ate a bunch of salads covered in Caesar dressing

Who knew eating greens could be such a blessing?

Broccoli swimming in a river of salted butter

Fjord of cauliflower peppered like a motherfucker

Bathtub full of peas scooped up with a shovel

Fiber is the key ingredient in case I’m too subtle

I could drop the pounds like an atomic bomb

One trip to the bathroom and my belly is gone

I swallowed a bunch of vitamins and rice tablets

I don’t have to worry about an addiction habit

The pills are worthless, but I can always hope

That it’s more than an elaborate Dr. Oz joke

Maybe I’m fooling myself for the sake of health

Did I believe in it hard enough? Only time will tell

This sounds like a story right out of The Secret

But if I earn a victory, then at least let me keep it

Now is the time to get my ass on the scale

To see the happy ending of my own fairytale

Good numbers, good numbers, good numbers

Lie to me and tell me I’ve got a body for summer

A gazillion pounds?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fuck you, scale!

It’s all your fault!