Space Jockey

VERSE 1

Let’s go to Mars and drive flying cars

The whole desert planet is all but ours

Don’t worry about the lack of oxygen

Rise from the dead and then walk again

Open armed greeting from the Martians

Sweetheart deal, one hell of a bargain

Never mind that they shoot with ray guns

Or the gravity feels like hauling eight tons

CHORUS

Come on, space jockey! Come on, space jockey!

Dance in the moonlight and play tonsil hockey

Come on, space jockey! Come on, space jockey!

Never mind that this shit is way too damn cocky

VERSE 2

Let’s try to hook up with Faye Valentine

Give her a ring and ask, “Will you be mine?”

Let’s go on adventures with Spike Spiegel

Fly through space like an American eagle

Let’s catch bounty heads, be broke anyways

Just like on earth, same old shit every day

This isn’t all just arrogant wish fulfillment

We’re a fucking team and we always kill it

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

Come on, space jockey! Come on, space jockey!

Dance in the moonlight and play tonsil hockey

Come on, space jockey! Come on, space jockey!

Never mind that this shit is way too damn cocky

See you, space cowboy! See you, space cowboy!

Fill your heart with carbon dioxide and pure joy

May the force be with you, my Jedi knight!

Let’s have a light saber battle on Mars tonight

BILL MAHER QUOTE

Fuck Mars! Make Earth Great Again!

VERSE 3

Burning fossil fuels and killing the planet

Cutting down jungles so the rich can have it

Rinse and repeat on the planet of Mars

Control C, control V, drive flying cars

This ain’t the Jetsons, it’s the real world

On Planet Mars our flag shall not unfurl

It doesn’t take Yoda to figure it out

No such surface will you breathe in and out

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

Live long and prosper, you sons of bitches!

This conspiracy theory leaves me in stitches

I am Groot, motherfuckers! I am Groot!

Space colonization will not bear fruit

I’m Buzz Lightyear! I come in peace!

Then maybe this madness will finally cease

Come on, space jockey! Come on, space jockey!

The atmosphere is dead, the land is rocky

FINAL LYRICS

Fuck Mars! X4

"Country Song" by Seether

From childhood to my early teens, I played with toys and exercised my imagination so that one day I could use it to make my dreams come true as an adult. Now that I’m an adult and have four e-books to my name, I continually look for tributes to my childhood either on the internet, in movies, or in books. I recently saw The Lego Movie and my nostalgia needs were on orgasmic overdrive.

Long before that movie came out, I saw the music video for “Country Song” by Seether, which front man Shaun Morgan once called “Toy Story on crack”. He wasn’t kidding. The video shows a kid playing with action figures on the beach and whatever he’s doing to the toys happens in the world that Shaun Morgan and his band mates inhabit.

The band members are cowboys in the wild west (as the title “Country Song” would suggest) and the other toys are the villains of the story. You’ve got a Mexican luchador, a teddy bear, a space man, all of which occupy a wild west story, by the way.

But that’s the great thing about having a budding imagination: rules don’t matter. If Shaun Morgan wants to shoot an imaginary chain gun at the other “characters” in the music video, so be it. If a big fuzzy teddy bear wants to stir up trouble in an anachronistic nightmare, let him do it. And if the kid’s little sister wants to bring her Barbies along, they can stand by Shaun’s side like the smoking hot cheerleaders they are.

When you’re a kid playing with your toys, any object can be whatever you make it. If I was eight years old and saw a lead pipe lying on the ground, I’d probably interpret it in my play world as a big ass flame cannon. If I had a human-sized stuffed panda on my bed, he’d be one hard ass motherfucker for a Lego man to kill. If I saw a rubber stamp from the library lying on the ground, I’d probably use it to flatten my action figures into pancakes (in my imagination, of course).

I was born in 1985, which means I’m physically a grownup now. Emotionally? Far from it. While I prefer to play with characters in my stories instead of action figures, I’m still the same kiddy-pie I was in the 80’s and 90’s. A boy has the right to dream, but a man has the means to make those dreams come true.

Did I mention that I have four e-books to my name? Go to Smash Words and search for Garrison Kelly if you’re interested. Go to You Tube to watch the music video for “Country Song” by Seether as well. Seether is a hard band not to love, but in case you don’t, at least you can have a nostalgia boner when watching the music video.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

INTERVIEWER: What will you tell your children when they ask about what mommy did with her talents?

TEMPERENCE: I’m not going to have children.

-Bones-