Showing posts with label Victory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victory. Show all posts

Thursday, January 26, 2023

You Win

Congratulations! You beat me in a war

Want a fucking cookie? How about four?

Go grab me a plate and I’ll regurgitate

A whole bag of Oreos that I just ate


Congratulations! You owned me on the mike

Take your gold medal and take a fucking hike

Your precious prize is made out of chocolate

The gold is urine from my manly man rocket


Congratulations! I’ll never recover

Maybe I should be your brand new prison lover

I’ll be the top and you can be the bottom

Smash your ass like a pumpkin in the middle of autumn


Congratulations! You win at everything forever

I’m sure your victory speech will be funny and clever

Tell them how you cheated me out of first place

Then crack your stupid jokes about gender and race


Congratulations! There’s nothing left to achieve

You’re the king of the mountain, it’s what we believe

Play with your riches until you get burned out

All those cars for nothing, so much for your clout


Congratulations! You drove everyone away

Here’s your trillion dollar check on this lovely payday

Now you’re all alone with nobody to talk to

Not even Creepy McCreeperton wants to stalk you


Congratulations! You won against a guy who never wanted to play

Thursday, September 9, 2021

I Don't Feel Victorious

VERSE 1

I did it, I lived through another day

But I don’t feel victorious

Bought a pizza with my monthly pay

But it didn’t taste glorious

Found my emotional charging cord

But I don’t feel like a hero man

Powered down, left to feel bored

My battery’s down to zero, man


CHORUS 1

Forged in fire, what the hell does that even mean?

Can’t be the brightest star that you have ever seen

Greatness is born from a life so torturous

And yet, through it all, I don’t feel victorious

Victorious

Victorious

I don’t feel victorious


VERSE 2

I covered more pages in precious ink

But I don’t feel like a storyteller

I washed all the dishes in my sink

But I still feel deader than Old Yeller

I vacuumed all the dust right off the floor

But I don’t feel like Employee of the Year

Life goes back to being just another bore

But I don’t feel like I belong here


CHORUS 2

Hustle Culture, what the hell is that all about?

Getting fired for having the slightest of self-doubt

And now the big boss man is busy sorting us

Now’s not the time where I feel victorious

Victorious

Victorious

I don’t feel victorious


BRIDGE

Conditioned to feel bad every day of our lives

For daring to exist or trying to just survive

We don’t have a whole lot, not even a nine to five

We don’t want to be dead, but we don’t want to be alive


CHORUS 3

Embrace the suck, what the hell are the layman’s terms?

Die fifteen hundred times and then lay with the worms

The graveyard needs bodies, now the undertaker’s hoarding us

None of us have any right to feel victorious

Victorious

Victorious

I don’t feel victorious

Victorious

Victorious

None of us feel…

Thursday, February 21, 2019

Learn to Lose


You’re still talking, still just yapping
Verbal masturbation, endless fapping
You can’t go undefeated forever
Your chances of winning are never
Learn to lose your arguments, buddy
Mudslinging became too damn muddy
You’re proven wrong time and again
Yet the conversation never really ends
You’ve got an army of straw men soldiers
Your childish tactics get older and older
Being loud is not the key to victory
But the key to friendships ending bitterly
Know when to shut your filthy pie hole
Lose gracefully, don’t cry your eyes cold
One of these days, they’ll drop the hammer
You’ll rot in the slammer, never again yammer
You’re fighting a battle you cannot win
As you wait for your sentence to begin
Defying the odds is not your strong suit
Especially in a cage with a hairy brute
What will it take to get through to you?
A body full of bruises so black and blue?
Is it a lifetime membership in the ICU?
Or a permanent home underneath the tomb?
I guess some people don’t want to change
Never improve their lives, stay deranged
I guess you can’t rehabilitate those types
A bullet to the skull, an end to your life
If you truly believe in reincarnation
Come back with an attitude of elation
Be grateful for your second chance
Or in hellfire is where you’ll dance
Learn to lose before you can’t turn back
Know your place in the hunting pack

Friday, November 2, 2018

Mediocrity


VERSE 1
The Penultimate Warrior, the Over-Giver
Velveteen Limbo, a bunch of chopped liver
The devil’s least favorite demon
B-Team! B-Team! The playing field is even
I will not celebrate or tolerate mediocrity
I will succeed in any meritocracy
I’ll fight forever if that’s what it takes
I’ve got no time for the players and fakes

CHORUS
I’m not here to do my best
I’m here to defeat the rest
I’m not here to lay my ass down
I’m here to take over this town
I’m not here for participation
I’m here to rule this nation
I came to conquer, I shoot to kill
If you won’t step up, then I will

VERSE 2
The world’s eleventh strongest man
The last man standing sitting on his ass
The king of the hill turned into a pawn
The grand wizard with a broken wand
I refuse to go quietly into the night
To compromise what I believe is right
To sink beneath my comfortable sofa
To let mediocrity be my magnum opus

CHORUS
I’m not here to do my best
I’m here to defeat the rest
I’m not here to lay my ass down
I’m here to take over this town
I’m not here for participation
I’m here to rule this nation
I came to conquer, I shoot to kill
If you won’t step up, then I will

BRIDGE
I’ll sleep when I’m dead inside my head
Not a moment sooner than when I bled
Even as a skeleton collecting spider webs
I’ll never give up is what I’ve always said
You don’t get to choose when it’s over for me
You don’t get to micromanage or oversee
Keep talking shit and you’ll always be wrong
No matter how much you say or for how long

CHORUS
I’m not here to do my best
I’m here to defeat the rest
I’m not here to lay my ass down
I’m here to take over this town
I’m not here for participation
I’m here to rule this nation
I came to conquer, I shoot to kill
If you won’t step up, then I will

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Soccer Sucks

The summer sun shone down upon the gym students of Santa Consuela High School like an oven baking a pizza. As they played soccer on the school’s grass field, sweat rained down from their bodies to where their gym clothes looked like they had just gone swimming in a river. The kids and their teacher Miss Lopez were in tiptop athletic shape, so slowing down wasn’t a problem. For mildly overweight student Ben Troy, huffing, puffing, and sluggishly dragging himself across the field was as natural as the sweat pouring from his body.

Ben hated gym class so much that his muscles tightened at the though of it, only to ask himself, what muscles? He gritted his teeth together every time Miss Lopez told him to “pick it up”. No gym teacher could begin to fathom what it’s like to be overweight and constantly tired. Ben could sleep for days after a shitty soccer game like this. He was already in such a foul mood that he could blow off a firestorm of swear words at the smallest annoyance.

But instead all it took was a flying soccer ball to Ben’s ribcage. The impact stung him so badly that he dropped to his knees and screamed like a wounded lion. The other students, who paid more attention to the game than to Ben, accidentally knocked him down as they passed him by, leaving the big guy rolling around in the grass and crying in agony.

Rather than relishing in his agony, Ben nipped up and stopped the game with cacophonic vitriol. “That’s it! I fucking quit! I hate this goddamn game and I hate you stupid ass motherfuckers! Why don’t you look where the fuck you’re going next time, you goddamn faggots!”

Every student on the field had their wide eyes on him and one kid mocked him with an, “Ooo, I’m so scared!”

“Shut up, pencil dick!” shouted Ben before stomping off of the field and sitting on a metal bench with his spine and shoulders hunched over. He looked down at his black sneakers and gray athletic shorts and breathed deeply in anger. Contrary to popular belief, heavy breathing didn’t calm him down in the least. He still felt like punching the heads off of everybody on that field. Maybe he could grab them by the legs and split them in half like a banana. Those seemed like reasonable options to a pissed off kid with weight issues and a teacher who constantly told him to “pick it up”. In Ben’s mind, the only thing they would be picking up his pieces of skull off of the grassy field.

“We need to talk,” said Miss Kira Lopez.

Deep down inside, Ben always thought that his thirty-something gym teacher looked attractive with her brown skin, black ponytail, and red gym shorts. But he was in no mood to think with his penis. He wanted to strangle people. He wanted to head butt that kid who made fun of him. He wanted to rip out the spinal columns of everyone who had ever made fun of him for being bad at sports.

Miss Lopez sat down next to Ben and said, “You know you’re going to get detention for swearing at your fellow students. Sure, I don’t like being hit with a soccer ball either, but those were some pretty harsh things you said. I certainly don’t appreciate you using a homophobic slur against them. You know the one I’m talking about.”

“Faggot isn’t a gay slur. It’s a generic insult. Everybody knows that,” argued Ben, still with his crew cut-wearing head tucked against his chest.

“You can debate the semantics of an insult all day long, but that doesn’t change the fact that you just earned yourself detention. I want to see you here after school for thirty minutes. We’ve got a lot to talk about,” said Miss Lopez.

“How many minutes of detention are those morons getting for knocking my ass over and smacking me with the ball? Huh? Soccer is supposed to be a non-contact sport, which means nobody’s supposed to get hurt. If you really wanted to injure your students so badly, why don’t you teach some MMA or some shit like that? At least then, beating the shit out of students will be legal.”

Miss Lopez placed a gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder and caused him to glare at her with the viciousness of a wild wolf. She said, “Listen to me. First of all, that look your giving me doesn’t mean anything right now. You can get mad all you want, but you’re in a gym class and you have an assignment to do. Second of all, if we allowed you to beat up whoever you wanted, you’d completely miss the point of soccer. In addition to being a non-contact sport, which you alluded to earlier, soccer is a team sport. In order for a team to be successful, they have to learn how to get along. That’s what school is about: building communities. What kind of community are we going to have if you’re constantly screaming vulgar insults at your classmates and threatening to kill them?”

“If you don’t want me to do those things, then tell those kids to stop hitting me with the goddamn ball. It’s that simple. And if they do hit me with the goddamn ball, give them the same amount of detention that I have,” suggested Ben.

“You know full well that that was an accident. Sure, we should try our best to reduce the number of accidents in sports, but that doesn’t mean everybody’s going to suddenly be perfect. Whether you know it or not, those other kids are depending on you to be their rock. They need your help in achieving victory. If you’re going to deny that to them, then you’re not really part of a community at all, are you?”

Ben swatted Miss Lopez’s arm away and said, “What the fuck do they need me for? I’m just a big fat ass who’s slower than an old lady crossing the street.”

The gym teacher folded her arms and looked at her student incredulously before saying, “Is that what you really believe? Do you really think that using your weight issues as a crutch is going to bring you happiness? I know you’re unhappy with your body, which is another reason gym classes exist. I know you don’t believe this right now, but I actually want you to live a long and healthy life. I want good things for you, Ben. You’re not going to get those good things if you’re just sitting here on the bench while your teammates are losing. Come on, give them another chance. Please?”

Ben breathed heavily in and out as he contemplated this point while trying to sooth his fiery anger. He reluctantly stood back up with his fists clenched at his sides, ready to go at a moment’s notice. But then he looked down at his teacher with the same venomous glare and said, “The next motherfucker who knocks me down is getting the shit kicked out of him. I don’t care how much detention I get. I still think soccer sucks.”

The vengeful student tromped his way back on the field and engaged his classmates in even more athletic warfare. He struggled with his cardio and sucked as much air as he possibly could from this burning and humid weather. Getting the soccer ball away from his opponents while managing to stay on his feet this time was a struggle that only added to his huffing and puffing.

Deep inside he didn’t want any more trouble than he had already gotten himself into. Something about Miss Lopez’s words struck a chord with him, though he wouldn’t openly admit it. Maybe it was teenaged attraction, but this was an even worse time to think with his penis. He had a game to win and goddamn it, he was going to win come hell or high water.

After a long while of sucking in air like a cyclone, Ben finally managed to gain control of the soccer ball. The easy part was over. Now it was time to channel is rage into positivity. All of this fire burning in his belly and lungs was now being used as fuel for his newfound athleticism. He ran with the ball like a freight train bursting down the tracks. He didn’t care about his saggy belly or thunder thighs. He didn’t care about his lightheadedness or quickly beating heart and brain. He didn’t care that his insides felt like he swallowed molten steel. He had this ball and he wasn’t letting go.

After a slight bump of the shoulders with another student, Ben felt like kicking some heads. In one thunderous motion, he threw his biggest, most earth-shattering kick his heavy frame would allow. But instead of concussing another student, his raging energy was directed toward the soccer ball. It flew through the air like cannon volley and sailed past the goalie before touching the net. Prior to that goal kick, the score was ten-to-ten. With only seconds remaining, Ben Troy just scored the final kick and led his team to victory.

In the midst of all of this raspy breathing, Ben’s eyes grew wide with disbelief as his fellow teammates cheered their heads off. He was in an even bigger state of disbelief when they actually had the strength to hoist him on their shoulders in an act of celebration. A small grin formed on his pudgy face as he was lowered to the grass. He finally did it. He made a difference in a way that didn’t involve homophobic slurs or extreme violence. For that small moment, he found his happiness. And then the overweight student collapsed to the ground and blacked out.


“Somebody get some help! Call 9-1-1!” shouted Miss Lopez. That was the last thing Ben heard before taking his happy ass into dreamland, or wherever the dark side was.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Gatekeeper

CHORUS 1
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
You are the one who is wearing the crown!
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
Your empire of bloodlust will crumble down!

VERSE 1
On my road to recovery, I find a brick wall
So I pick up a war hammer and smash it all
Destroyed to powder and grains of sand
I’m one step closer to the promised land

CHORUS 2
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
You are the one who’s polluting the sound!
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
My lungs of steel will never let me drown!

VERSE 2
My road to redemption is covered with monsters
So I pick up an axe and lead them to the slaughter
Blood, bones, and pieces of shredded skin
The fucking war of the century is mine to win

CHORUS 3
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
You are the one who holds the golden key!
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
Here‘s what happens when you fuck with me!

HOOK
A punch to the face, blood all over the place
A knee to the gut, knock you on your butt
A blade to your throat, your last ounce of hope
Is dangling by a thread of the hangman’s rope

VERSE 3
My road to victory is paved in teardrops
Yet I see no red sign that tells me to stop
Life is an endless road of dried up scars
Death is now forever written in the stars

CHORUS 4
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
You are the one who points the gun at me!
You are the gatekeeper! You are the gatekeeper!
I know what you’re doing, it’s not hard to see!
You’re just another obstacle in my fucking way!
A brand new challenge and a brand new day!
I conquer that shit with barbaric dragon’s fire!
Keep them all coming, because I’ll never tire!