***MERRY CHRISTMAS 2015***
As I begin writing this journal entry, it’s seven o’clock at night, which means we’ve got five hours before Christmas day officially begins. As long as we’re this close to the holiday season, I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Those are two words I could listen to over and over again. As I’ve said in the past, I don’t see Christmas as catering to a religion I’m not a part of. I see it as a magical time of year that we can all enjoy. It’s about families and friends being closer together and continuing that theme of closeness all throughout the years to come.
But Christmas isn’t without its negative connotations. I look all over the internet and no matter where I go, I always see someone acting like a Grinch. “Oh, Christmas is such hard work!” “Oh, I don’t want any presents this year!” “Oh, I hate Christmas, blah, blah, blah!” What could possibly be so wrong with such a happy time of the year? If you don’t like going out to shop for presents, order them on Amazon. If you don’t like the people you spend this holiday with, get some new people. Having a negative attitude toward Christmas is a lot like going to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and shitting on all of the seats to the roller coasters. Negativity never did anybody any good.
Last year’s Christmas was such a magical time for me that I held onto that spirit all throughout 2015 and became a happier person over the proceeding months. December 2014 will always be remembered as the month I went to San Diego to spend a day at Lego Land, another theme park that could be considered the happiest place on earth. That vacation was so much fun in so many ways: there was Lego Land, the San Diego Wildlife Park, strolling the beaches to guzzle eye candy, and it was all capped off by watching a movie at the cinemas called St. Vincent, which I’ve done a review for and gave a passing grade.
I held onto that feeling of happiness all throughout 2015 and a lot of positive things happened that year as a result. I rekindled my friendship with Marie Krepps and we’ve been beta reading for each other ever since. I vacationed in Victoria, Canada with my family and had a relaxing time. I saw Cavalera Conspiracy in concert and rocked the fuck out. I saw a symphonic band called Distant Worlds, whose music of choice was the Final Fantasy soundtrack. I got to see Slipknot, Lamb of God, and Three Days Grace on the same show and rocked the fuck out yet again. I got to wear a Slipknot costume for Halloween and I scared the shit out of everyone around me. The year was also a good one for reading, writing, and editing books. I currently have three active books on the market right now and despite their star-ratings, I can safely say I’m proud of all of them.
The point I’m trying to make is, don’t let Christmas become a disdainful experience for you. Find happiness in this generally happy holiday. If you get a CD as a present, rock out to it as much as possible. If you eat a big dinner, savor every last bite. If you’re spending the holiday with people you love, love them even more. Being a Grinch or a Scrooge is no good for no one. This is a day of celebration no matter which god you worship (or lack thereof). Be thankful for every good thing that happens to you on this day and bypass every bad thing. The more thankful you are, the more things you will have to be thankful for. If I sound like I’m parroting Rhonda Byrne, it’s because I am. Squawk! Squawk! Polly wants a cracker! Squawk!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
***WWE MATCH REVIEW***
Last week, my television burned out, so I used money I saved up to buy a replacement. Thanks to that replacement, I was able to watch WWE NXT Takeover: London. It was a superior show top to bottom. Even the crowd was alive and well for these matches. They used S and F words despite the show being rated TV-PG and they even sang Beatles songs during matches. Although every match was great, the one I’d really like to give my next passing grade to is the NXT Women’s Championship match between Bayley (the champion) and Nia Jax (the challenger). Corey Graves referred to the size discrepancy of this match as being like Manny Pacquiao vs. Mike Tyson: two talented competitors from FAR different weight classes. Even so, it was the heart and the guts of the much smaller Bayley that won her the match by submission.
***PARODY LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Here’s a little story about Garrison Kelly. He ate a bunch of food and got a big belly. He tried to exercise, but he got winded. His gym membership was rescinded. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight! You’ll lose!”
-Sick Puppies singing “Gunfight”, but with my lyric modifications-
Showing posts with label Victoria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victoria. Show all posts
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
My Cloudland Has a Sense of Humor
***MY CLOUDLAND HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR***
I’ve spoken candidly about my weird ass dreams before and I’m going to continue the tradition on this lovely Wednesday evening. I believe even the weirdest of weird dreams can serve as creative fuel. Marie Krepps, my beautiful beta reader, will definitely stand by my side on this one since she too has some weird ass dreams. Granted, these two I’m going to talk about make no fucking sense whatsoever, but that’s the beautiful thing about having a whacked out mind: it doesn’t have to. We’re going to start with dream number one.
I don’t remember too many of the details from the first dream other than it was a nightmare that made my heart race when I woke up at 11:00 in the morning. What I do remember was that it was about the clown from Brave Little Toaster and how he wanted to cut me up into little pieces. I tried to get away from him, but the only place where I could find refuge was with the Dust Witch from Something Wicked This Way Comes. Tarantulas scare the shit out of me, so I accepted my fate of being chopped up by the demon firefighter clown.
I had every intention this morning of getting out of bed and getting a buzz cut at Hair Masters. It didn’t happen. My hair is still shaggy and my dream world is still knocking at the door. I fell back asleep and started my second dream, which wasn’t necessarily a nightmare, but it was really goddamn weird.
I was doing research at the Western Washington University campus library, probably on graphic novels. I’m waiting for my study buddy to show up and when he finally does, he turns out to be French-Canadian WWE superstar Kevin Owens. He doesn’t try to beat me up or harass me like he usually does to his opponents in the ring. He does, however, offer to walk me home after the studying is over.
By the time we walk outside the library, we’re not in Bellingham, Washington anymore where WWU is supposed to be. We’re in Victoria, Canada, a favorite vacation spot of mine, but somehow different this time around. The Armenian Mafia was patrolling the streets of this normally crime-free city looking for people they could beat up. I guess Kevin Owens was supposed to be my bodyguard, because I was able to make it to my hotel room without being mugged.
Outside the hotel, there’s a large group of fat people doing exercises and being tired after the first few seconds. One of the exercise students was a woman so fat her entire torso was covered with a tool shed. She was sitting on a horse doing nothing and suddenly fell off to the side. The irony wasn’t lost on me when the class of exhausted fat people were laughing at her. But then they found it disgusting when a pair of disembodied legs wearing jeans walked by.
Me and my family minus Kevin Owens left the Canadian hotel and went down to the ferry terminal to catch a ride. We’re sitting on the dockside and there are these two cute British lesbians sitting across from us holding hands and being happy. Even though I know a relationship will never work between the three of us, I started feeling nervous around them anyways. So what did I do? I listened to Three Days Grace’s song “I Am Machine” on my MP3 player and picked my nose. When it doubt, be socially awkward. My social awkwardness has gotten me through everything in life.
The ferry arrives and we all get on to presumably go home. Except we didn’t go to Port Orchard, Washington. We went to London, England, where a horse and carriage was waiting for us. We’re on a two-way cobblestone street and somehow the different positions in the road lead to different countries. The right side will take us to Norway, the middle will take us to Germany, and the left side will take us to France. We get on the French side of the road and the carriage takes us there at a lightning fast pace.
Our destination ends up being a sandy beach with a lot of pollution and ducks in the water. I pull something mysterious out of my mouth and it turns out to be a baby black duck, which I throw into the water with its family. Reina asks me if this is a great vacation and I steadfastly agree.
I woke up at 1:10 in the afternoon and got on the computer to check my messages. No, this isn’t part of the dream, this is real life. When I was trying to read my Good Reads messages, the lines of text were all blurry, probably because I was still tired. I went back to bed and didn’t officially start my day until 2:20 in the afternoon. Still, no buzz cut at hair masters.
We’ve got ears! Say cheers!
***TELEVISION ISSUES***
Last night as I was watching NCIS: New Orleans, my flat screen TV burned out and stopped working. Prior to that, me and Reina kept smelling plastic and rubber burning, but we couldn’t figure out what it was. It was the TV this whole time. My other electronics work just fine, but not the flat screen TV. I originally wanted to review a wrestling match from WWE NXT Takeover: London, but without a TV, that’s not possible. I could watch it on my computer, but my internet connection isn’t always reliable. I’d have to find a way to download it onto my hard drive. Or I could buy another TV, that’d work too. Either way, I’ve already looked up the results online and I was genuinely surprised by them. Baron Corbin defeated Apollo Crews, Bayley made Nia Jax submit in order to keep her NXT Women’s Championship, and Finn Balor overcame Samoa Joe to keep his NXT Championship. I’m definitely going to have to find a way to watch this show.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
The last entry into this series was Debra Winter, a hero from Occupy Wrestling. The next entry will be Cameron Gillespie, a villainess from Watch You Burn. For my reference picture, I Googled TNA wrestler Awesome Kong, who is a 6’1”, 295 lb. black woman with a nasty attitude and a hard-hitting repertoire of moves. I originally wanted Cameron Gillespie to be tall and lanky, but Awesome Kong’s massive frame will do just fine. Be afraid, bitches!
***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***
RANDAL: Do you know how much money the average jizz mopper makes per hour?
DANTE: What’s a jizz mopper?
RANDAL: They’re the guys who clean up the nudy booths after each guy jerks off.
DANTE: Nudy booth?
RANDAL: Yeah. Haven’t you ever been inside a nudy booth before?
DANTE: Guess not.
RANDAL: Aw, man, it’s great. You go into this booth and there’s this glass between you and these chicks and they put on a show for you for like ten bucks.
DANTE: What kind of a show?
RANDAL: Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They’ll insert anything into any opening on their bodies. Any opening.
DANTE: Can we not talk about this right now?
RANDAL: The jizz mopper’s job is to clean up the nudy booths after each guy shoots a load. Everybody does it right on the glass. I don’t know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away.
-Clerks-
I’ve spoken candidly about my weird ass dreams before and I’m going to continue the tradition on this lovely Wednesday evening. I believe even the weirdest of weird dreams can serve as creative fuel. Marie Krepps, my beautiful beta reader, will definitely stand by my side on this one since she too has some weird ass dreams. Granted, these two I’m going to talk about make no fucking sense whatsoever, but that’s the beautiful thing about having a whacked out mind: it doesn’t have to. We’re going to start with dream number one.
I don’t remember too many of the details from the first dream other than it was a nightmare that made my heart race when I woke up at 11:00 in the morning. What I do remember was that it was about the clown from Brave Little Toaster and how he wanted to cut me up into little pieces. I tried to get away from him, but the only place where I could find refuge was with the Dust Witch from Something Wicked This Way Comes. Tarantulas scare the shit out of me, so I accepted my fate of being chopped up by the demon firefighter clown.
I had every intention this morning of getting out of bed and getting a buzz cut at Hair Masters. It didn’t happen. My hair is still shaggy and my dream world is still knocking at the door. I fell back asleep and started my second dream, which wasn’t necessarily a nightmare, but it was really goddamn weird.
I was doing research at the Western Washington University campus library, probably on graphic novels. I’m waiting for my study buddy to show up and when he finally does, he turns out to be French-Canadian WWE superstar Kevin Owens. He doesn’t try to beat me up or harass me like he usually does to his opponents in the ring. He does, however, offer to walk me home after the studying is over.
By the time we walk outside the library, we’re not in Bellingham, Washington anymore where WWU is supposed to be. We’re in Victoria, Canada, a favorite vacation spot of mine, but somehow different this time around. The Armenian Mafia was patrolling the streets of this normally crime-free city looking for people they could beat up. I guess Kevin Owens was supposed to be my bodyguard, because I was able to make it to my hotel room without being mugged.
Outside the hotel, there’s a large group of fat people doing exercises and being tired after the first few seconds. One of the exercise students was a woman so fat her entire torso was covered with a tool shed. She was sitting on a horse doing nothing and suddenly fell off to the side. The irony wasn’t lost on me when the class of exhausted fat people were laughing at her. But then they found it disgusting when a pair of disembodied legs wearing jeans walked by.
Me and my family minus Kevin Owens left the Canadian hotel and went down to the ferry terminal to catch a ride. We’re sitting on the dockside and there are these two cute British lesbians sitting across from us holding hands and being happy. Even though I know a relationship will never work between the three of us, I started feeling nervous around them anyways. So what did I do? I listened to Three Days Grace’s song “I Am Machine” on my MP3 player and picked my nose. When it doubt, be socially awkward. My social awkwardness has gotten me through everything in life.
The ferry arrives and we all get on to presumably go home. Except we didn’t go to Port Orchard, Washington. We went to London, England, where a horse and carriage was waiting for us. We’re on a two-way cobblestone street and somehow the different positions in the road lead to different countries. The right side will take us to Norway, the middle will take us to Germany, and the left side will take us to France. We get on the French side of the road and the carriage takes us there at a lightning fast pace.
Our destination ends up being a sandy beach with a lot of pollution and ducks in the water. I pull something mysterious out of my mouth and it turns out to be a baby black duck, which I throw into the water with its family. Reina asks me if this is a great vacation and I steadfastly agree.
I woke up at 1:10 in the afternoon and got on the computer to check my messages. No, this isn’t part of the dream, this is real life. When I was trying to read my Good Reads messages, the lines of text were all blurry, probably because I was still tired. I went back to bed and didn’t officially start my day until 2:20 in the afternoon. Still, no buzz cut at hair masters.
We’ve got ears! Say cheers!
***TELEVISION ISSUES***
Last night as I was watching NCIS: New Orleans, my flat screen TV burned out and stopped working. Prior to that, me and Reina kept smelling plastic and rubber burning, but we couldn’t figure out what it was. It was the TV this whole time. My other electronics work just fine, but not the flat screen TV. I originally wanted to review a wrestling match from WWE NXT Takeover: London, but without a TV, that’s not possible. I could watch it on my computer, but my internet connection isn’t always reliable. I’d have to find a way to download it onto my hard drive. Or I could buy another TV, that’d work too. Either way, I’ve already looked up the results online and I was genuinely surprised by them. Baron Corbin defeated Apollo Crews, Bayley made Nia Jax submit in order to keep her NXT Women’s Championship, and Finn Balor overcame Samoa Joe to keep his NXT Championship. I’m definitely going to have to find a way to watch this show.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
The last entry into this series was Debra Winter, a hero from Occupy Wrestling. The next entry will be Cameron Gillespie, a villainess from Watch You Burn. For my reference picture, I Googled TNA wrestler Awesome Kong, who is a 6’1”, 295 lb. black woman with a nasty attitude and a hard-hitting repertoire of moves. I originally wanted Cameron Gillespie to be tall and lanky, but Awesome Kong’s massive frame will do just fine. Be afraid, bitches!
***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***
RANDAL: Do you know how much money the average jizz mopper makes per hour?
DANTE: What’s a jizz mopper?
RANDAL: They’re the guys who clean up the nudy booths after each guy jerks off.
DANTE: Nudy booth?
RANDAL: Yeah. Haven’t you ever been inside a nudy booth before?
DANTE: Guess not.
RANDAL: Aw, man, it’s great. You go into this booth and there’s this glass between you and these chicks and they put on a show for you for like ten bucks.
DANTE: What kind of a show?
RANDAL: Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. These chicks do it all. They’ll insert anything into any opening on their bodies. Any opening.
DANTE: Can we not talk about this right now?
RANDAL: The jizz mopper’s job is to clean up the nudy booths after each guy shoots a load. Everybody does it right on the glass. I don’t know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away.
-Clerks-
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