“Every Sunday, when America goes to church,
Incelbordination goes to war!” Oswald was pretty sure Antero stole that line
from an NFL videogame commercial, but it was effective word porn nonetheless.
Oswald dragged his ass out of bed and signed onto the Incelbordination chat
room where that church slogan came from. Upon receiving the URL to that chat
room, Antero told him that they never had physical meeting places because of
Mia Barry’s investigation against him. They also didn’t use the same URL every
time, also for the same purpose. The clandestine nature of these Sunday
meetings made Oswald feel like a rebel, like he actually could bring a shock to
the system.
When he signed in under the username LittleFury21, he
whistled in awe of how many people were part of this chat room. So many young
men on campus like him who felt betrayed by their peers. So much potential
crushed by the world around them. So many dreams turned into permanent nightmares.
This was definitely Oswald’s true territory, not a classroom of judgmental eyes
or a home he couldn’t go to anymore.
BLACK_PILL_KING (Antero’s Username): Good morning, everyone!
Welcome to our weekly Incelbordination meeting. You all know who I am by now.
But I’m sure none of you know who LittleFury21 is. He’s our newest acquisition
and quite possibly our saving grace in this wretched life. Everyone say hello!
Sure enough, the entire chat room did so and that alone made
Oswald feel welcome, unlike any other school environment he was in.
BLACK_PILL_KING: The floor is yours, little guy. Introduce
yourself to our Supreme Gentlemen!
LITTLEFURY21: Hello, everyone. I was told not to use real
names prior to this meeting, so I won’t give away mine. But as many of you
guessed by now, Little Fury isn’t just some catchy title. I really am three
feet tall and south of a hundred pounds. Men and women alike go out of their
way to avoid me and those who do pay attention only want to disparage me before
getting the chance to know who I am.
RAGE_GOD31: Ever thought about punching them in the dick?
LITTLEFURY21: All the time, Rage God. I actually did have to
learn how to box when I was young. If I didn’t throw those heavy punches, I’d
probably be deader than a doornail right now. Hell, I’m probably going to be
dead in a few years anyways. Dying of a lonely heart isn’t at all unheard of.
DEATH_MASTER2000: You know, you can do something about this.
Ever thought about going out in a blaze of glory? That’s probably the only way
any of us will ever be noticed. Look at what happened to Eliot Rodger.
LITTLEFURY21: I think about it more often than you think,
Death Master. The problem is…I just don’t have it in me to go through with it.
MCDONALDS_PIMP69: If you ever need coaxing along, just
remember that there are no innocent victims. The whole world is guilty for
pushing you aside. If nobody else will be the judge, jury, and executioner,
then you take those roles yourself. Don’t puss out on us now!
LITTLEFURY21: That’s all well and good, but I don’t exactly
have a warehouse full of bazookas and machetes readily available. My legs are
also too short to operate the pedals on a German tank. LOL!
BLACK_PILL_KING: Heavy artillery is overrated, Little Fury.
It’s expensive, it’s hard to smuggle, and it’s more obvious than the hard-on
those tank cannons look like. If you need the tools to get the job done and
can’t rely on your boxing skills alone…we can help you with that!
LITTLEFURY21: Wait a minute…you guys actually have…guns?!
BLACK_PILL_KING: Not just guns, my friend. Chainsaws,
knives, baseball bats covered in razor wire, and even a few vans to turn Chads
and Stacys into pretty little pancakes. Then after we flatten them, we can put
our special whipped cream all over them while they bleed out strawberries.
It’ll be like having breakfast at IHOP.
The constant barrage of LOL’s and LMAO’s from the other
incels sent chills up Oswald’s spine and made his fingers go numb. Thank god
there was a waste bucket next to his computer desk in case he needed something
to barf into. The thought of speaking up put nervous energy in his stomach, but
he knew he had to do it.
LITTLEFURY21: Guys, this shit isn’t funny.
BIG_DADDY_G: Are you kidding me? This is fucking hilarious!
Besides, if your legs were long enough to drive a van, you’d want to splatter
everything in sight too!
BLACK_PILL_KING: I agree 100%. Seriously, why the change of
heart?
LITTLEFURY21: Look, I can appreciate the fact that you guys
hate the world and want to watch it burn and all, but this is ridiculous.
You’re making jokes about murdering people and I’m actually afraid you guys
might do it someday.
SUPER_FREAK72: Dude, take your skirt off and be a man for
once. You know the only chance you’d get laid is if you killed the chick
yourself. Even then, I think it’s a long shot since your legs aren’t the only
short thing about you.
LITTLEFURY21: How about instead of hiding behind a computer
screen, you say that shit to my face? Yeah, and I’M the one walking around in a
skirt.
SUPER_FREAK72: If you and I were to fight, I’d win every
single time. Now fall in line before I make you eat your meals through a straw!
BLACK_PILL_KING: Okay, children, that’s enough. We’re
supposed to be unified by this shit, not tearing each other apart. We’ve got
big plans and I will not have them scrapped by a bunch of infighting!
LITTLEFURY21: What do you mean “big plans”? You’re not
actually talking about…you know…
BLACK_PILL_KING: I don’t know, maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Maybe
I’ll have to rethink my whole strategy if you’re not fully committed to
Incelbordination. I understand you’re new to this group, but everybody has to
pay their dues.
LITTLEFURY21: And by “paying my dues”, you mean going out
and committing murder and necrophilia. If that’s the case, then your Uncle
Tuomas won’t have to worry about not getting laid anymore.
The swear words, epithets, and death threats from the other
members flooded the chat room to where the system almost crashed. Antero tried
to restore order, but the messages of hate came so frequently that he couldn’t
get a word in edgewise. Oswald did what most immature computer users did and
argued back against Incelbordination’s finest. The slurs came more frequently
and nearly send him spiraling into insanity. The dwarf even held his head and
rocked back and forth before leaving the chat room and taking deep breaths.
Oswald had enough venom for the world to fill two chemical
factories and a biological weapons carrier. Yet even he was disgusted by what
he saw in that chat room. His heart raced, his stomach ached, and his mind
swirled with words like “faggot”, “pussy”, and “prison bitch”. Images of him
being stabbed, shot, stomped, or even raped in the asshole made him wish he had
forgotten Incelbordination even existed. No woman was worth this much poison.
In fact, he would even welcome hugs from Valerie Sand, Nikita Johnson, and Mia
Barry of they were offered.
Tomorrow was Monday, which meant another round of criticism
from his English teacher. Oswald held his pain-wracked stomach at the thought
of having to choose between being criticized by Valerie and being cyber-bullied
by a bunch of virgin terrorists. It was the classic case of Death or Unga-Bunga all over again. If he was going to
be laughed at for the thousandth time, he might as well have put his best foot
forward.
“Okay, Oswald, you can do this. Just breathe…just
concentrate…” He pulled the C- covered paper out of his backpack and tried to
focus on correcting his many mistakes. He had a whole Sunday to get the job
done and he had completed his homework assignments from his other classes. If
there was ever time to puff the magic dragon…
