Loki the Skull’s jowls continued to flap in the icy wind as equally cold words poured from his mouth like hemlock into a glass of wine. He thanked Lucy and her crew for leading him to Ozzie’s cave. He rambled and ranted and raved about animals being too lazy to exact their own revenge against their abandoners. And then he seamlessly transitioned into a nonsensical allegory about icy bridges leading to hell. And he rambled some more until his verbiage became cacophonic word salad. The overuse of magic truly made King Harrison insane, which would explain his obsession with getting revenge for his animals.
Lucy would have shed sympathetic tears for the Kafkaesque descent
if it wasn’t for the fact that Loki rocked her hammer back and forth like a
hypnotic pocket watch. Watching this former king mentally drift away into outer
space meant nothing in comparison to the deflated tennis ball that once brought
Lucy joy. Her fangs didn’t have much in the way of sharpness, but they clamped
down with the utmost tightness at this display of hubris. Lucy’s doggy hairs
stood up and prickled against her metal armor. Her tail wagged uncomfortably
fast. Her murder victim growls grew deeper with rage the longer this was
allowed to go on. And then…
“GIVE! IT! BACK!” Lucy launched her tiny body despite
protests from Callie and Ozzie. Surely, a lightning bolt or fire bomb was
waiting for her at the end of the trajectory. It never came, just Loki ducking
out of the way and keeping the hammer to himself. Lucy yipped and yapped as she
bounced up and down in an attempt to grab her weapon. Loki always kept it out
of reach, sometimes by only a tiny tap. The fact that he could have ended this
anytime he wanted to and chose not to brought even more venom out of Lucy’s bitter
barks.
After what must have been the seventh or eighth attempt to
grab the hammer, Loki aimed his paw and finally launched a fire attack…but not
against Lucy. A nearby record player that once made Ozzie’s eyes milky with
nostalgia had instantly transformed into a pile of black dust, along with
whatever piece of licorice pizza Callie attempted to play.
Lucy didn’t take time to register the deeper meaning of such
destruction and continued to jump after her hammer, which was still hanging
over her head like the tennis ball she once loved. She didn’t even pay much
mind to Callie shouting, “Okay, that’s it!” and pulling out her golden dagger.
Lucy didn’t care if neither of them stood a chance at beating this cackling,
jabbering sorcerer. She just wanted her hammer back, the last symbol of what
life was all about for her.
And then Callie stuck the knife where the sun never dared to
shine. Not in Loki’s fuzzy butt, Lucy’s instead. She yipped in pain and jumped
even higher than before, which gave her enough height to finally grab her
hammer. Loki still held on and the two of them played tug-o’-war over it, all
while the sorcerer shot a lightning ball into Callie’s chest and knocked her
backwards, almost unconscious.
“That wasn’t very nice! GIVE IT BACK!” Lucy screamed,
suddenly gaining more strength upon seeing her friend get zapped. It wasn’t
enough strength to earn her a tug-o’-war victory as Loki pulled harder himself.
The yanks from both sides disturbed their equilibrium and they nearly fell out
of the cave together. Lucy would have rolled back down the mountain covered in
snow if not for one small mistake on Loki’s part.
“Harrison!” said Ozzie in a husky old man voice. Loki’s
mistake was awakening the memories in the old cat’s brain. He gazed at Loki
with piercing eyes and trembling whiskers, energy forming in his paws at the
risk of refrying his brain. “It ends with you!” Ozzie used whatever mana was
left in his rotted brain to throw a tiny whirlwind at the tug-o-war scene. He
then collapsed face first onto the cold icy ground.
Loki let out an arrogant, “Ha!”, as if that was the best the
old man could do. But that little spark of wind gave Lucy momentum. Sure, Loki
wouldn’t let go, but he didn’t have to. Lucy wasn’t pulling the hammer towards
herself. She was pulling it to the side. The little gust along with Lucy’s
heroic rage caused her to spin little by little, until she herself was a
whirlwind of chaos. She spun Loki around and around while picking up steam,
never once letting go of her weapon.
Lucy paid no mind to her own rotting brain, she kept
spinning Loki around anyways. The sorcerer’s face grew bright green and his
eyes watered. His jowls puffed up bigger and bigger and his stomach growled
like the tough guy wolf he was trying to be. Spinning, spinning, and spinning
until Loki’s fingers slipped further and further down the shaft of the hammer.
One tiny slide later and Lucy was reunited with her precious hammer. She plopped
backwards into the snow with her vision blurring in and out of focus and her
tummy aching like she was about to lose her life in addition to her lunch.
Loki fared no better when it came to aching stomachs. His jowls
continued to expand as he clutched his midsection and doubled over. He did everything
in his power to keep it together. The salt water collecting in his eyes was a souvenir
of his last ditch efforts. And then…”BLAAAAAAAAAAH!” Loki puked a bubbling
stream of green and gray acid onto the snow.
Lucy couldn’t tell if the rising steam was from the vile
stench or if spirits were magically floating out of the excess juices. Maybe it
was both. She squinted her eyes as hard as she could to relieve them of rapidly
freezing tears. She laid there trying to keep her own lunch under control, as
every part of her body ached badly enough to want to vomit herself inside out.
But the acidic spray never came. Her stomach calmed down long enough for her to
drift off into darkness.
She didn’t spend too long in the black abyss. The wetness
and comfort of a dog’s tongue kissed her furry flesh. If she was a kitty, she
would purr at this loving sensation. She did however slowly open her red and
puffy eyes to see Loki reviving her with gentle licks. Except this wasn’t the sorcerer
she was fighting against this whole time. This was the original Loki, who stood
on all fours and never once threw a magical spell. Instead he was just a sweet,
tender dog who wanted Lucy to love him as much as he loved everybody, the way a
dog should be.
“Loki-Pokey!” Lucy squealed before hugging him around the
neck and getting a few puppy licks in herself. The labrador snuggled up beside
the snow-bitten Lucy and snuggled with her for warmth. “Hey…is that?” She
finally put two and two together: Loki threw up King Harrison’s ghost and was
no longer possessed by the insane sorcerer. She could smell the chunks of lightning-fried
flesh in the puddles of vomit. “It all makes sense now! Yay! We did it,
Loki-Pokey! Ozzie and Callie are going to be so proud of us! Hey…wait a minute…”
She nipped up and rushed towards Ozzie’s cave, Loki trotting
right behind her. Sure enough, Callie and Ozzie were right there face down on
the floor, not one movement or sign of life between them. Lucy began to shiver
with sadness. “No…no, no, no, no, no!” The two dogs rushed over to the cats’
prone bodies and began furiously licking them. Not even a dog’s loving tongue
could revive the old coots. Lucy shook some more as she gazed to the ceiling
and howled. Loki howled alongside her and the two of them became a chorus of
sorrow at their fallen friends. They sacrificed their lives just so Lucy could
have her stupid hammer. They gave so much of their energy to a toxic king that
wouldn’t reciprocate.
“Ouch! My ears! Will you two stop your cotton-pickin’
yelling!” Callie blurted out. She snapped wide awake while Ozzie took his sweet
time in coming around.
Lucy, having no sense of boundaries, hugged them both around
the neck and shrieked, “You’re alive! You’re alive! Oh, I missed you two so
much!” She and Loki continued to lick their feline faces. Callie folded her
arms in defeat while Ozzie chuckled and petted Loki’s head. The gang was back
together and Rainbow Ranch could finally heal. They could laugh, play, eat
sausage, get pettings and love, all the things that animals had at the top of
their wish lists. Revenge wasn’t just on the bottom, but it never even made the
cut. That was until…
“Fools! You’ll never get rid of me that easily!” King Harrison
may have been exorcised from Loki’s body, but his poisonous green ghost still
hung in the air. He shouted a bunch of mindless gibberish. He summoned energy in
his clawed hands. He scratched himself until black pudding oozed from within. It
was then that it dawned on Lucy that she forgot her hammer outside. She, Loki, Ozzie,
and Callie all snuggled against each other knowing exactly what was coming to
them. They hoped their deaths would be swift and merciful. They gave all they
could to this fight only for King Harrison’s ghost to hang around.
“I love you guys. I love you all…” mumbled Lucy as she
squinted her eyes in defeat.
