Gary-Stu

I spent a hundred years in the navy

The sexy siren is carrying my baby

I spent five decades in the marines

They all call me a fighting machine

I spent half a century in the army

No way could the enemy harm me

I spent ten years in the air force

I still don’t make sense, of course

I’m a Gary-Stu who’s lost at sea

Always carry machineguns with me

A battleaxe bigger than my body

Always imitated, but never copied

Except by those trying to make a buck

Make a fortune from negative luck

Put me in a videogame or paperback

I’m a macho man, genetically jacked

Everybody wants to buy my image

Everybody wants to laugh at critics

Everybody wants to look for tropes

Everybody’s given too much rope

Whatever happened to character depth?

Got slaughtered in a battle to the death

Everybody’s got their own little flaws

They don’t include too much brawn

They don’t include a nasty attitude

They don’t include a lazy aptitude

Three dimensional isn’t hard to achieve

All you have to do is make them believe

If a captain is going to be lost at sea

If a warrior is going to bleed, bleed, bleed

If a damsel in distress screams one last time

Put some reason in your fucked up rhyme

I Don't Have To

VERSE 1

Just because I won’t join the fucking army

Doesn’t mean I wear the clothes of Barbie

There is no shame in staying right at home

It’s better than being dead and buried alone

The drill instructors are too damn loud

The abusive authority is too damn proud

I won’t die for some rightwing agenda

Or have visions of war burned into my retina

CHORUS 1

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

I don’t care if “Uncle Sam wants you!”

They can do just fine without me

The war machine will not devour me

VERSE 2

Blaming a whole generation of people

Is just as bigoted and just as evil

Millennials figured out a long time ago

If you step on a land mine, it’s going to blow

Body parts are strewn across the desert

Staying at home sounds so much better

We’re not the cowards you make us out to be

We’re just like you; we were born to be free

CHORUS 1

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

I don’t care if “Uncle Sam wants you!”

They can do just fine without me

The war machine will not devour me

VERSE 3

Coming home in a wooden casket

Flowers on your grave in a woven basket

Going insane with the trauma of war

Held prisoner behind padded cell doors

Financially crippled, forever homeless

Forever damaged, forever hopeless

This is far from being the American Dream

It’s the American Nightmare, time to scream

CHORUS 2

I don’t have to and I don’t want to

Death and blood will forever haunt you

I don’t belong in a body freezer

It’s not betrayal, I’m not stabbing Caesar