VERSE 1
He’s never had a cigarette a day in his life
But he smoked a whole football team in just one night
He’s the Captain of the Cougars, the team and the ladies
And every cheerleader wants to be his only sugar baby
Every freshman is trapped in their own school locker
He put them there and tape gagged the shit-talkers
He’s got an A in everything without lifting a finger
When it’s baseball or babes, he’s a home run swinger
CHORUS 1
His name is Captain Brock because of course it is
He’s the King of the Straights, the King of the Cis
But if he’s the King, then who’s the Queen?
Homecoming, no-homo is what he means
VERSE 2
He’s got bullycide and beef on his inflated resume
The boss man looked at him and said, “No way!”
So he sued the company for everything they’re worth
Wiped their NASDAQ symbol right off the earth
What’s next for Brock: President or Dictator?
He could stuff the lockers full of more freshman haters
Except they’re not called lockers after school
They’re called prison cells under the iron rule
CHORUS 1
His name is Captain Brock because of course it is
He’s the King of the Straights, the King of the Cis
But if he’s the King, then who’s the Queen?
Homecoming, no-homo is what he means
VERSE 3
And then the day came where karma fucked him over
His cancer just ensured that he never saw October
They buried his ass on Halloween night
All the beardos and weirdoes breathed a huge sigh
They can disco dance with the werewolves and vamps
At a Rammstein concert with ball gags and loud amps
The harvest moon never looked so beautiful
Keep the good memories, they’re forever reusable
CHORUS 2
His name is Captain Brock because of course it is
But you’d be forgiven if you forgot about his sins
Are you coping with trauma or was he just mediocre?
It’s a little bit of both, aren’t you glad this shit is over?
Cookie-cutter muscle-heads may write our history
But they don’t have a future with you or me
They can’t blame it all on the myth of Cancel Culture
They can blame themselves for being greedy vultures
No comments:
Post a Comment