***UNUSED DIALOGUE***
Whether these pieces of dialogue are based in reality,
dreams, or random thoughts, they somehow found a place in my mind, but not in
my work. They may never be used for anything. The may be pieces of dialogue in
a song. They may be used as prompt suggestions. I have no idea what the future
holds for these pieces of dialogue, so I’m going to share them with you all to
see if they have any true potential for anything bigger than random thoughts.
Starting with…
TEENAGE GIRL: (Sobbing)
COP: What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why aren’t you in school?
TEENAGE GIRL: The teacher told me I’m too stupid to go to
school…(more sobbing)
LITTLE BOY: That Lacey Sturm is so pretty! When I grow up,
I’m going to marry her!
CROWD: (Erupts into obnoxious laughter.)
LITTLE BOY: W…why are you laughing at me?
CROWD: (Continues laughing.)
LITTLE BOY: (sniff, sniff)…Why?
DETECTIVE: State your name for the record.
ME: Garrison Edward Ethan Kelly.
DETECTIVE: G.E.E.K.? Okay, um. I want you to tell me again
how you knew those Denny’s cooks were aliens from another planet.
ME: Because they kept making offensive remarks about
Europeans.
CASHIER: Hello.
ME: Hi.
CASHIER: Is that a work uniform?
ME: No, it’s just a regular polo shirt.
CASHIER: Oh. Where do you work?
ME: I don’t work anywhere. I’m unemployed.
CASHIER: Um…okay…uh…Are you self-employed?
ME: No, I’m unemployed.
CASHIER: Oh. Okay.
TARJA TURUNEN: You’re being awfully quiet tonight.
ME: I, uh…I get tongue-tied around beautiful women, that’s
all.
TARJA TURUNEN: (Giggles) That’s just adorable!
SCOTTISH TEACHER: What have we here, laddie? Mysterious
scribblings? A secret code? No, drawings, no less. Drawings, everyone!
STUDENTS: (Burst into laughter.)
SCOTTISH TEACHER: The laddie reckons himself an artist!
STUDENTS: (More laughter.)
SCOTTISH TEACHER: (Showing off the drawings.) And here we
see Eddy from Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy performing oral sex on Kevin.
STUDENTS: Eww!
SCOTTISH TEACHER: While Kevin is standing on top of a
coffin!
STUDENTS: Eww!
ONE STUDENT: Holy shit!
STUDENTS: (Laughing.)
SCOTTISH TEACHER: (Mouthing) Watch your language!
STUDENT: Sorry.
SCOTTISH TEACHER: (Showing off more drawings.) And here we
see Bambi with a rope around his neck, a ball gag in his mouth, and a dildo in
his arse!
STUDENTS: Eww!
SCOTTISH TEACHER: And the dildo has the words written on it,
“Deer spear”.
STUDENTS: Eww!
SCOTTISH TEACHER: That is NOT how sex works! (Slaps artist’s
hand with a pencil.) Pervert!
MISS SCHNEIDER: So, does anybody here have an example of
what a community is? How about you, Garrison?
ME: Uh…shopping carts?
STUDENTS: (Laughter.)
ME: Shut up! (Pounds one of the laughing students over the
head with a text book.)
MATT MCNAMARA: I just watched The Faces of Death. (Sick
smile.)
SEAN MCNAMARA: What do you watch that shit for?!
MATT MCNAMARA: Because it’s cool!
CHRISTIAN TROY :
Because he’s a serial killer in training.
MISS GRADY: Garrison, do we allow gum in Chehalis Middle School
ME: No, we don’t.
MISS GRADY: And why is gum not allowed in our school?
ME: Um…I don’t know.
STUDENTS: (Laughing.)
ME: I don’t want to say anything! Call on somebody else!
MISS GRADY: Anybody else want to give it a shot?
Anybody want to take a guess as to which categories these
pieces of dialogue fall under (fact or fiction)? I suppose it doesn’t matter,
because this blog entry is as far as they’ll get…maybe…I don’t know…I’ve tried
using dreams as creative fuel before and it ended disastrously. Maybe these
dialogue snippets will be part of a larger song, kind of like how “Song of Myself”
by Nightwish had a whole bunch of dialogue near the end; although, Tuomas
Holopainen has me beaten in the songwriting department by a country mile.
Speaking of Nightwish, I wonder what Marcelo Cabuli will think of me calling
his wife “beautiful”. What about Lacey Sturm’s husband finding out a little boy
had designs of marrying her? Anyways, we’ve got ears, say cheers!
***POISON TONGUE TALES 2: THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PSYCHOTIC***
Yesterday was a fine day for PTT2 action as I’ve penned a
short story called “Where’s My Damn Money?” Now it’s onto the next one, as
Jay-Z once said. This new story will be called “Robo Heck” (a lame ass play on
words for Robotech, and yes, I’m trying to think of a new title for it, so back
off). Here’s the synopsis for it:
CHARACTERS:
- David Masters V, Human Mech Pilot
- Amalia Strom, Amazonian Viking
PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.
SYNOPSIS: David crash lands his giant robot on a tropical
island and spends most of the day trying to fix it so he can get back to his
military base. Amalia, the giantess who owns the island, wants to crush David
underneath her foot and “make the world a better place for women”. In her
words, men are responsible for creating war and David is part of the problem
since he pilots a gigantic weapon for a living. With his mech only partially
fixed, David has to fight off the Amazonian with what he managed to repair. He
would also be better served to try and reason with his attacker before she
completely obliterates him.
EXTRA NOTE: Remember what Bastian said in The Never Ending
Story: “It’s just a story! It’s not real! It’s a fucking story!” Well, he
didn’t drop an F-bomb, but the sentiment is the same: don’t make too much out
of that synopsis.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
Chetty Claymore, the debt-collecting elven necromancer from
“Where’s My Damn Money?”, is next on deck for this series. Yes, folks: it’s yet
another guy wearing a monk’s robe. Deal with it. What else is a necromancer
like him supposed to wear: flip-flops and Daisy Dukes?
***STUCK RUBBER BABY***
With Paper Towns in the rear view mirror, I’ve been reading
a new book these past few days: “Stuck Rubber Baby” by Howard Cruse. Because
it’s a graphic novel and easy on the eyes, I plan on finishing it sooner than
later and then giving a glowing review of it. I haven’t decided yet if I’m
going to give it an extra credit grade or a passing one. It’s about being a gay
man in the bible belt during the civil rights era, so naturally the main
character has a huge struggle ahead of him. I highly recommend it both as an
eye-opener and as a compelling story.
***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“The video arcade is
just up the street. Here, we sell small rectangular objects. They’re called
books. They require a little effort on your part and make no bee-bee-bee-bee-beeps.
On your way, please.”
-Mr. Correander (the grumpy book salesman) from “The Never
Ending Story”-
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