Fight Scenes

Seeing as how I’m a fan of action movies and literary thrillers, it’s always been my belief that fight scenes should be just as fast-paced and action-packed as a Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee movie. That’s why WWE is so dazzling to watch, because the fighting is reminiscent of a martial arts movie. UFC matches aren’t always like that and some of them can be pretty boring. Isn’t that right, Clay Guida and Gray Maynard? If all fight scenes should be dazzling, then how would that translate into literature? When reading Kick-Ass and Kick-Ass 2, the fight scenes in those graphic novels were extremely bloody and a lot of bones were snapped in two. That’s one way to make a fight exciting: turning the characters into Gorn Stars Dancing. Another way to make them thrill rides is by having the characters throw a lot of shots at each other and have them dodged or blocked, just like a martial arts movie as I’ve said before. But this is only for fight scenes in books that are billed as action stories. If you take a look at the fight scenes in “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow, you’ll find that they’re extremely short and are ended usually by one or two moves. Not the most exciting way to stage a fight, but it is appropriate for the genre of that book. And quite frankly, that’s alright with me. If I’m reading something from “The Cat Who…” series, it would greatly surprise me if Jim Qwilleran disposed of the prime suspect by throwing ninja stars at him and slashing his throat with a handsaw. By the same token, if a fight in “The Hunger Games” was ended by simply punching someone in the face and knocking them into unconsciousness, it wouldn’t be true to the genre. This isn’t so much a lesson in how to make a fight scene exciting. It’s about staying true to the genre in which you’re working with. I know a lot of authors out there hate being categorized into a particular genre. Some authors prefer their books to be called “dark fantasy” instead of “horror” while others choose “dystopian fiction” instead of “sci-fi”. Well, guess what! If you don’t have a genre that defines your book, chances are your fight scenes are going to be ridiculous as hell and unreadable. Can you imagine Offred from “The Handmaid’s Tale” charging through a crowd of people on a horse while wielding a jousting lance? It wouldn’t make any fucking sense! Need more examples? Yeah, I thought not. Goodbye, pachos and pachas!

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

ALPHONSE: I want him to beg for mercy.
VICTOR: I don’t think he’s going to beg for mercy.
ALPHONSE: He wouldn’t get it anyways.

-Dead Man Down-

"Dana White: Ultimate Fighting Quotes" by Nathan Cairns

To give you an idea of what you can expect from this teeny tiny 50-page book, I’ve decided to treat you all to an actual speech Dana White gave as it relates to EliteXC, a rival promotion that was trying to run UFC into the ground. It goes like this:

“The idiot Gary Shaw actually does an interview with the LA Times where he says, ‘We didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with paying people to stand up. We’ve got no problem doing that.’ Yes, you scumbag! There is a problem with that! Think about this: Mandalay Bay and the Venetian both had betting on this. You, the consumer, the mixed-martial arts fan, can go in and bet on these fights. You’re probably thinking, ‘Well, if Seth Petruzelli can get Kimbo Slice to the ground, this fight’s over. I’m going to bet my money that Seth Petruzelli is going to win by submission.’ But you don’t know the scumbag promoters behind the scenes went in and paid Seth Petruzelli to not go to the ground. They paid him to stand up, you know why? They thought Kimbo Slice was going to viciously knock him out. But Kimbo Slice sucks, like I’ve been saying for a couple of months now. This fucking guy can’t fight and he got knocked out in 13 seconds by a guy who didn’t win the Ultimate Fighter, who didn’t win fights in the UFC. They actually brought him up from the undercard to fight the main event guy and he knocks Kimbo Slice out in 13 seconds. It would be like if there’s a game between the Browns and the Patriots and the NFL goes backstage and says to the Browns, ‘We know you guys have a great running game, so we’re to pay you money to just pass the ball, because the Patriots pull higher ratings than you do and we need them to make it to the playoffs.’ That’s fucking illegal! So Gary Shaw, rapper, whatever the fuck your name is, Shaw Jr., and Jeremy Lappen, if you think going to the ground is boring, that’s mixed-martial arts. You scumbags need to be in the kickboxing business if that’s what you’re selling, if you need to pay guys to stand up. These fucking jerk-offs don’t care about mixed-martial arts. They’re just in it for the money. Me and my crew have been busting our asses trying to promote this sport and show how incredible these athletes are, and now you’ve got these boxing scumbags trying to fix fights. It’s unbelievable!”

Believe it or not, that was just the appetizer. The main course comes when you actually purchase the book! Happy reading!

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Gunnar Nelson is so calm, he looks like he’s getting ready to go to bed.”

-Joe Rogan-