***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“You want to win the war? Know what you’re fighting for!”
-Slipknot singing “Custer”-
***THE REAL WORLD: ANIME***
Remember a few blog entries ago how I asked you, my lovely
audience, how you can tell the difference between what’s worth defending and
what’s worth surrendering? Well, the same can be said for any kind of dispute
whether it’s with yourself or other people. It’s all about risk vs. reward. But
in order to achieve this goal, you have to absolutely know what it is you’re
fighting for, just like Slipknot says in that song. If it’s a political
climate, what are you trying to accomplish: convincing an unwilling debate
opponent to see things another way or convincing an entire congress to do the
right thing?
When I was a teenager, I took no interest in politics, so I
waged my wars over the next best thing: internet disputes. I fought over
everything whether it was worth the risk or not. If anything, I was fighting
over a bruised ego and I was obsessed with making my offender pay. It’s not
like telling someone off over a computer screen is going to change anything,
but my teenaged self didn’t have the wisdom to know that. Thus we have one of
my most notorious internet disputes, The Real World: Anime.
From 2001 to 2004 and again in 2005, I was a rabidly zealous
member of Play By Web, a text-based RPG site where users could set up message
boards based on genre or gaming system whether it’s sci-fi, D&D, Vampire:
the Masquerade, etc. I have no idea what possessed me to join The Real World:
Anime, because I hadn’t seen one episode of The Real World to know what the
hell was going on. I guess I joined because I was an anime nut and really into
shows like the Gundam series and Cowboy Bebop.
I take the role of Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop and
role-played him within the confines of this game. My posts were only a few
sentences long and they didn’t quite live up to the Spike Spiegel character, to
be honest. Sarah, one of the admins for that group, sent me a private message
asking me to play him better, because the co-admin was a lot tougher than her
with regard to rules and regulations.
Rational-thinking adult Garrison would have said, “No
problem!” and did the right thing. But hormonal teenager Garrison, complete
with a hair-trigger temper, fired the first shot in what would be an uphill
verbal war between myself and the admins. My opening line? “You’re damn right
I’m pissed off!” I can’t remember how the middle of the rant went, but it ended
with, “You’re not going to fucking toy with me!”
Can you believe we actually came to a peaceful resolution to
that argument? I actually apologized to the admins! But then Under Siege, Pt. 2
came weeks later when the admins banned me from the game for being too out of
character with my portrayal of Spike Spiegel. I basically portrayed him as a
jumpy weird ass who listened to Al Green rather than a smooth-talker who
listened to Yoko Kanno. That was the end of my run, but not the end of the war.
Instead of being nice and taking the high road, I told the
tougher of the two admins to go fuck herself after a long rant detailing how
her criticisms were lies and her tough love was just an excuse to be nasty.
Also, being the brave and steadfast guy I was, I told her I wouldn’t be reading
any more posts from the thread I used to rant against her. That was the public
forum way of blocking her from posting more messages.
So let’s see what all of this online vitriol actually
accomplished. I was still banned from the game, the admins didn’t change their
viewpoints, and I still sucked at playing Spike Spiegel from a fan’s
perspective. I fought a war based on a bruised ego and it ended badly. Sarah
and tough-chick: 1, Garrison: 0. Slipknot’s prophetic lyrics for “Custer”
wouldn’t come for another thirteen years, but it’s not like I would have
listened anyways except for the heavy beats.
I would go on to pick more online fights in the 2000’s and I
would lose every single one of them. No realistic goals, no strategy, all
offence, and no defense. Sometimes it’s important to just let things go. That’s
what I’m doing now that we’re in the 2010’s and I’m at peace because of it.
Imagine that: life becomes less stressful when you don’t argue over stupid
shit. If you’re going to argue over something, net neutrality and tax overhaul
are good places to start, so as long as your vocabulary isn’t limited to words
that have “tard” in them. We’ve got ears, say cheers!
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
Speaking of uncomfortable trips into my past, the next Dark
Fantasy Warrior to be drawn is Jacob Kruger from my messiest first draft novel
to this day, Filter Feeder. He’s a clam fisherman with his weapon of choice
being a big ass metal anchor. How he manages to carry that into battle and use
it efficiently is a fucking miracle. I guess his muscles really are that big.
Goddamn, I’ve got a lot of muscle-bound guys in my stories!
***AMERICAN DARKNESS 3***
I guess all of those “Write every day!” memes on Face Book
are really starting to sink in, because I already have an idea for the next
short story: “Brandi”. It goes like this:
CHARACTER:
- Dustin Faulk, Lonely Bachelor
- Adele Faulk, Dustin’s Sister
- Brandi, Sex Doll
PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.
SYNOPSIS: After finishing college and getting engaged, Adele
visits her older brother Dustin to share the news with him and catch up on old
times. When she shows up at his apartment, he’s sitting on the couch with an
inflatable sex doll named Brandi as a surrogate girlfriend. Adele holds off on
the engagement announcement and instead tries to convince Dustin to find a real
girlfriend since his behavior is “depressing”. Dustin likes Brandi because she
isn’t capable of saying no to him. Rejection is a major source of frustration
for Dustin when he tries to court “real women”. When he learns of Adele’s
engagement and general life success, he becomes even more withdrawn into his
single life microcosm.
FUN FACT: The last name Faulk isn’t meant to be a modified
version of the F-word. It’s just a coincidence. I swear on my mother’s grave
even though she’s still alive. Hehe!
