You Might Be a Sociopath

If you’ve ever drawn a picture of Spongebob Squarepants giving a blowjob, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever complained about WWE programming not having enough man on woman violence, you might be a sociopath.

If you can see the irony in finding a coat hanger in a catholic church, you might be a sociopath.

If you constantly refer to Nickelodeon as “The Foot Fetish Channel”, you might be a sociopath.

If you actually know there’s a website called Wiki Feet, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever been kicked out of the mafia for being too violent, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever ripped the wings off of a fly and then poured hot bacon grease over it, you might be a sociopath.

If the spinning table scene from Tales From the Hood gives you an erection, you might be a sociopath.

If a Soulfly song has ever changed your life, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever cracked your knuckles during a moment of silence for 9/11 victims, you might be a sociopath.

If you go to a grocery store and buy duct tape and adult diapers at the same time, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever refused medical treatment because you like to watch yourself bleed, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever spanked a baby for being too loud, you might be a sociopath.

If the only reason you buy stuffed animals is to make them have sex with each other, you might be a sociopath.

If you have a crush on Casey Anthony, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever photo-shopped a ball gag in Nelson Mandela’s mouth, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever been hungry for human jerky, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever smacked a child and claimed it was self-defense, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever told a pregnant woman to staple her vagina shut, you might be a sociopath.

If your best strategy in a political debate is to burn an American flag, you might be a sociopath.

If you’ve ever wanted to scalp somebody for not liking your art, you might be a sociopath.

Jeff Foxworthy never though of this shit, did he! Jeff Foxworthy, eat your heart out! Actually, don’t do that. Otherwise, you might be a sociopath.

Creeps

As we’ve seen with Dr. Frankenstein and Hannibal Lector, it doesn’t take much of an imagination for a character to be creepy. The question then becomes how creepy can the character be and will he be remembered for his disgusting sins? Here are some examples of what I’m talking about. Starting with…

Creepy is sticking your hand down a child’s pants. Ultra-creepy is whispering a passage of “50 Shades of Grey” while you’re doing it.

Creepy is staring at a skirt-wearing girl for thirty minutes. Ultra-creepy is getting a hard-on in leather underwear while doing it.

Creepy is texting your girlfriend about how you want to fuck her in the ass. Ultra-creepy is being hidden in her closet while doing it.

Creepy is slashing somebody’s arm with a razor. Ultra-creepy is drinking the blood with a shot of Jack Daniels.

Creepy is jacking off to a picture of livestock. Ultra-creepy is jacking off while actually being in the presence of livestock…and the farmer’s daughter.

Creepy is using a hand puppet to perform oral sex on your girlfriend. Ultra-creepy is giving her multiple orgasms in the process.

Creepy is posting a picture of your penis on Deviant Art. Ultra-creepy is photoshopping Homer Simpson giving you oral sex on that same picture.

Creepy is drawing a picture of Bugs Bunny wearing a strap-on. Ultra-creepy is having Bugs Bunny in that same drawing mention his audience members by name.

Creepy is licking a Spongebob Squarepants poster. Ultra-creepy is getting a premature orgasm while doing it.

Are you scared? Are you really fucking scared now? You shouldn’t be, because you’re on Scare Tactics with Tracy Morgan!

　

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

ME: Aww! The seven dwarves are so cute! I want to snuggle with them!

SUSAN: You want to snuggle with a bunch of old midget men?!