***VILLAINS: PSYCHOSIS VS. CALMNESS***
When I’m submitting short stories to the WSS, a common
critique I get is to focus on writing about calm villains instead of psychotic
ones. I admit, my borderline bipolar villains are fun as hell to write about,
but I believe there’s a lot of truth in what Angie (the one who gave this
advice) says when it comes to calm villains. Think about it for a minute: who
would you be more afraid of: a guy who says, “I’m going to kill you” while
cartoonishly laughing or a guy who says, “I’m going to kill you” while
breathing calmly through his nose? Since cartoon characters don’t exist in the
real world, you’re more likely to be afraid of the calm and collected guy.
Case in point, WWE Smackdown superstar Kevin Owens. A
wrestling example? Again? You got that right! In his mind, he’s justified in
his anger against Smackdown Commissioner Shane McMahon. Kevin believes Shane is
showing bias against him and screwing him out of important championship
victories. So what does Kevin do? He tells Shane to his face, “Your whole
family would have been better off if you didn’t survive that helicopter crash.
Your father, your wife, and especially your kids!” Shane beats the hell out of
Kevin to where the latter threatens a lawsuit against the WWE (because
authority figures aren’t supposed to assault the wrestlers (tell that to
Stephanie McMahon)).
Shane’s father and CEO of WWE, Vince McMahon, makes an
appearance on Smackdown to quash the potential lawsuit and put Kevin Owens in a
Hell in a Cell match against Shane McMahon. Kevin, in his calm and collected
manner, wants Vince’s word that he won’t be fired if he, “Beats a McMahon
senseless.” Vince gives the okay, but without realizing that Kevin meant ANY
McMahon. He heat butts the 70-year-old Vince and opens a deep cut in his
forehead. The beating continues in the form of rib kicks, a super kick, and a
frog splash. Kevin has a shocked look on his face like, “What the fuck did I
just do?”
Next week on Smackdown, Kevin Owens, once again being the calm
and collected villain he is, blames Shane McMahon for his father’s assault. His
passionate tirade against the Smackdown Commissioner ends with, “For what I’m
about to do to you at Hell in a Cell, people like me don’t go to Hell; people
like me go to Heaven.” Imagine that last line being said through a cool
demeanor. Creepy, huh?
The coolness becomes ice cold when the next week on
Smackdown, Kevin Owens has a wrestling match with his longtime rival Sami Zayn.
The match ends in a No Contest when Kevin power bombs Sami onto the corner of
the ring apron (the hardest part of the ring) and possibly fractures his ribs
and spine in the process. What does the calm villain do as Sami Zayn is being
carted out of the arena? Well, he sits on the announce table and stares at Sami
like he had just taken a bowlful of Prozac and washed it down with warm milk.
Peace and quiet washes over Kevin Owens like warm and soothing beach water.
It’s the loveliest feeling in the world for him.
Kevin Owens doesn’t have a cartoonish laugh. He doesn’t wear
clown makeup. He doesn’t have bulging eyes and a nearly exploding forehead
vein. He’s just this calm, cool, and collected tormentor who feels so numb that
his brain might as well have been rubbed with Novocain. A straightjacket is too
good for him. He needs a prison cell in the worst way. That’s how scary Kevin
Owens is as a villainous wrestler. You don’t have to be a wrestling fan to
appreciate how calmly psychotic he is.
Pay attention to those two operative words: “calmly
psychotic”. It’s not just one or the other. It’s a combination of both, whether
the psychosis is subtle or not. If Kevin Owens told you that he was going to
rip your intestines out and feed them to vultures and coyotes, you’d better run
as fast as you fucking can. If he told you he was going to show up at your home
while you were away and hoped that your kids answered the door for him…well,
you get the idea.
And then you have the other WWE example in this blog entry,
the overly psychotic Bray Wyatt. Since 2013, Bray Wyatt has had the same
gimmick of a backwoods cult leader. He would speak in these cryptic promos and
he would back up his spookiness with a 300 lb. frame and a hard-hitting
fighting style. He once had a choir of sheep-masked children sing, “He’s Got
the Whole World In His Hands”, which was so spooky that it reminded me of the
scene in Pink Floyd the Wall where they sang, “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt.
2”. Couple this with backwards tarantula walking, brainwashing abilities, a
worm-infested compound to live in, and a bearded face with a head full of long
dirty dreadlocks and you’ve got a recipe for psychosis.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I modeled a lot of my villains
after Bray Wyatt. But on the advice of my awesome friend Angie, it could be
time to at least try a new style: the calm and collected villain with a subtle
psychotic nature. It could be a guy who picks the wings off of flies and keeps
a straight face the entire time. It could be a handsome gentleman in a suit and
tie who orders human jerky online. It could be a gentle and loving grandpa who
instead of slashing the shit out of people, suffocates them with duct tape by
covering their mouths and noses. This is already sounding pretty creepy to me,
so yes, there’s a lot of truth in what Angie says. Happy early Halloween, by
the way! We’ve got ears, say cheers! Hehehehehehe!
***POISON TONGUE TALES 2: THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PSYCHOTIC***
Despite the subtitle of this short story collection, this
next piece could be my first real attempt at crafting a calm villain. He’s a
politician, so being calm and charismatic comes with the territory. This story
will be called “Peacemaker” and it goes like this:
CHARACTERS:
1. Gerard
Killings, Human Assassin
2. Misty
Blades, Fox Ninja
3. Randy
Schneider, Politician
PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.
SYNOPSIS: Gerard has the unfortunate mercenary work of
protecting Randy Schneider, a politician who is trying to introduce a bill that
would legalize fox hunting. One night while Gerard is camping out in Mr.
Schneider’s living room, the mansion is invaded by Misty Blades, an
anthropomorphic fox who takes offense to the pompous politician’s anti-animal
views. Gerard Killings has to decide between collecting a paycheck from Randy
or giving into his disgust for his client and agreeing to help Misty. Either
way, Randy Schneider isn’t a slouch himself; he’s armed with a peacemaker
handgun while Gerard prefers a machete and Misty possesses a jagged katana.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
Speaking of calmly villainous politicians, next on the
chopping block is Randy Schneider. Maybe I could use Patrick Bateman as a
reference model when I draw Randy. Or perhaps Alan Shores from the TV series
“Boston Legal”. Or perhaps David Aceveda from “The Shield”. Whoever I end up
modeling Randy Schneider after, it won’t be another chubby villain like I
normally have. Marie Krepps likes to rib me over that, but she’s truthful in
her friendly ribbing. It’s time for a change!
***WRESTLECRAP***
Another wrestling reference? Again? What’s with me and these…ugh…Anyways,
now that Stuck Rubber Baby and Paper
Towns
***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY (AGAIN?!)***
If Dude Love and Juice
Robinson formed a tag team together, they’d be called Dude Juice.
No comments:
Post a Comment