Fairytale

Steve Mercer and Joey Mitchell spent the last thirty minutes staring at each other with angry frowns and fiery eyes, like they wanted to kill each other. Steve stood at one end of the holding cell still dressed in his wedding tuxedo and his wife sat at the bench across from him still in her cake-stained wedding dress. Steve had a silent and passive aura about him while Joey had passion and hot lava flowing through her veins.

At any moment, she could have screamed like a demon and strangled her would-be husband to where his head burst like a pimple. But instead, she chose to let her words be her fists of fury. “I can’t fucking believe you right now, Steve. All of that money spent and all of that frustrating planning went to waste. I really thought you were the one for me. And then you said, ‘I do not’ at the very last minute. Our families brawling afterwards was the icing on the cake. And yet, you have nothing to say for yourself right now.”

While rubbing his aching temples, Steve said, “Look, babe, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“That’s been your answer for every one of our arguments, Steve!” shouted Joey as she shot up from her seat. “It’s like you don’t give a shit about anything anymore! I might as well have been marrying a zombie at that wedding!”

“Please stop yelling, you’re making my head hurt,” said an exhausted and defeated Steve as he continued to give himself a head massage.

“No, I’m not going to stop yelling! I’m pissed off! You talk about your head hurting?! Well, I’m hurting too, asshole! I feel like any second now I’m going to burst into tears and you’re just going to stand there and do nothing about it! You’re a coward! You’re a goddamn coward, Steve!” shouted Joey as she pounded her fists to her sides.

“You want to see some passion, you crazy bitch?!” shouted Steve, prompting his now fearful wife to sit back down on the bench. “You want some fire?! You want some energy?! You’ve got it, babe!”

After a few angry breaths, he continued his oratory with, “You want to know why I said no at that altar? Fine, I’ll tell you why! Before we decided to get married, we’ve had nothing but love for each other. We kissed, we hugged, we made sweet monkey love on your couch, and we said, ‘I love you’ every damn day! And then after we got engaged, that’s when your so-called stress kicked in and we had nothing but fights to show for it. Every damn day was an argument about something whether it was leaving food on the table, not doing a certain chore correctly, or not having enough money for a cup of coffee. You know, the little things in life!”

“Wow, you’ve never really had a girlfriend before have you, Steve!” Joey fired back. “If you did, you would know that arguments happen all the time in relationships! That’s how problems get solved! Relationships require a little something called work! Even though we fought a lot during the wedding planning, I still loved you for everything you are!”

“Really? Because you had a funny way of showing it, that’s for sure!” shouted Steve while throwing his arms around in anger. “I always thought that romance was supposed to play out like a fairytale! I actually believed in happily ever after and making love until the end of time! And then you came along and destroyed that for me! Instead of solving your problems peacefully, you decided yelling at me every five minutes was the answer! Well, I may be the only one in this world who believes in fairytales, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong!”

Joey stood back up with her arms folded and said, “I really hate to burst your little fantasy bubble, Steve, but fairytale romances don’t exist! You spend way too much time with those novels and Disney movies of yours and you actually think that’s how love works! I don’t fight with you because I hate you, Steve! I fight with you because I love you! I’m fighting to keep our relationship together!” Her eyes welled up with tears and she wiped a few of them a way with her manicured finger. “I still have feelings for you, Steve. Please, don’t leave me!”

“So is that really why people get together in the first place?” asked Steve in a low, but firm voice. “They just get together and fight each other? Well, if you want to fight all the time, join the UFC. Hell, you’ll get paid big sums of money to do what you love to do. And you don’t even have to give your heart away, that’s the best part! Me? It’s too late for someone like me. I actually believe in solving problems peacefully. I believe that frequent arguments lead to breakups and divorces. I believe that drama is uncomfortable to watch and even worse to be a part of. Maybe I do believe in fairytales too much. That doesn’t mean I’m crazy.”

Joey sat back down on the bench and let out a frustrated sigh. After a few long seconds of ducking her head and wiping her tears away, she said, “Here’s the deal, Steve. You don’t realize it right now, but I still love you even after you basically incited a riot between our families and got us in jail in the first place. But I’m not sure you love me back anymore. So I’m giving you an ultimatum: love me or leave me. If you love me, I will make you the happiest husband you could ever be. If you leave me, you won’t find your fairytale romance anywhere else because relationships don’t work like that. Either way, the ball’s in your court, buddy.”

Steve folded his arms and sighed before saying, “I need the rest of the night to think about this.”

“What is there to think about, Steve? It’s a simple question with two answers! How could it be that difficult?!” said Joey while flailing her arms in anger.

“Hey! Do you want me to make the right decision or not?!” shouted Steve, opening a rift of uncomfortable silence between boyfriend and girlfriend. “If you want an answer, wait until morning. Right now, my head feels like it’s been jammed in a vice and I’ve got bruises all over my body from your stupid family’s punches. We’ve done enough arguing for the evening. I just want to rest right now and clear my head. Is that so wrong? Or do you want to argue some more because fairytales don’t exist?”

Joey hung her head in silent sorrow while Steve laid down on the floor of the holding cell, where he would spend the rest of the evening snoozing away and sounding like a machinegun as he snored. Joey slept peacefully on her bench like she was at a comfortable hotel. A part of her wanted fairytales to exist. She wanted to have a seaside honeymoon with her husband and make love until the end of time while eating chocolate-covered strawberries. Her husband’s innocent ways put a small smile on her face. She hoped he would make the right decision by the time the morning sun shone through their cell.

When morning finally came, it wasn’t the brilliant orange skies that woke her up, but the sounds of war-like thunder followed by foggy visuals through her window. Even though Joey and Steve slept like rocks, they woke up so sore and stiff that sleeping on a bed of barbed wire would have been more comfortable. The argumentative couple cracked her joints and stretched their limbs before staring at each other blankly. Had Steve made his decision? Was he ready to accept the responsibilities of marriage or was he too much of a sucker for fairytales?

“Good morning, lovebirds,” said the police officer standing at the holding cell door. “Mr. Mercer, you’re free to go. Your family posted bail.” The cop opened the cell door and motioned for Steve to come over.

Steve dragged his stiff and aching body toward the door, holding his ribs like they had just taken a massive beating. Once freedom was within reach, he stopped for a minute and turned around to give Joey the most sorrowful look he could. Tears started forming in the bride’s eyes once more. She needed an answer so badly that anxiety was building up in her stomach and ice water was passing through her veins.

Steve looked down at his wedding band for the longest time before sliding it off of his finger and tossing it into Joey’s hands. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Not with you, not with anyone else. Romance sucks.” He turned heel and walked out the door without so much as a wave or a blown kiss.

Once the cell door closed behind him, Joey’s stomach felt like she had been punched with a loaded glove. Her heart felt like it was being ripped into confetti. Her eyes felt like they’d been gouged out as hot tears poured from her face. She let out an animalistic, “NO!!” and pounded the bench with her fists. She spent the next few minutes allowing her tears to dampen the concrete floor beneath her. Was there something to be said for fairytale endings? Did she and Steve really fight as much as he said they did? Is anybody else worth putting her trust into? So many questions, but no answers, only tears and red puffy eyes.