Judging Books

This past Father’s Day, I went down to Purdy to visit my dad like all good sons do on that particular day. Midway through the visit, he and my brother James wanted to know why I would call a book about pro-wrestling “Hardcore Hate”. Their main justification for disagreeing with the title was that it sounded too much like something a neo-Nazi would buy (probably because the word “hate” is closely related to racism rather than simply not liking your opponent). Of course, James’ alternative title “Barbarian and Doctor” was even worse since he obviously wasn’t even trying. But this conversation brought up a topic that I’m discussing tonight: judging a book by it’s cover or title. You hear people say all the time “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. While that may be an admirable slogan, people do it all the time with books while being encouraged not to do it with people. If you see an overweight teenaged girl walking down the street, don’t judge her body, because she might turn out to be a friendly person. But if you see a book that’s titled “The Dragon Prince” and the cover design shows a gun being pointed at a tiny kitten, that’s when you can start to worry. Come to think of it, there is a book cover that shows a gun being leveled a cute, cuddly kitty. It’s called “How Not to Write a Novel” and that image is supposed to illustrate a point: disgusting promotional tactics will get your manuscript shoved in the rejection box. It all goes back to a point I once made about hooking the reader in rather than making him wait for the hot action on a platter. Let’s take the book “The Sisters Brothers” for instance. For the book cover, somebody might see a moonlit background behind two sinister-looking people. Or if you look closely enough, you’ll see a skull with two hideous eye sockets. That’s fucking creative, people! I don’t know how good the book actually is (I haven‘t read it before), but with a clever cover like that, it’s a good start. You need another example? How about “Quiet” by Susan Cain? It’s a simple gray cover with minimal design, but it’s exactly what the reader wants to see. The book is about introversion and in order to achieve introversion, you need a quiet environment. A cloudy day with low barometric pressure is the perfect catalyst for a brief nap, and thus you have your quiet situation. If you followed that logic successfully, you’ll understand why Susan Cain’s simple book design is actually the best one for drawing readers in. Should we judge a book by its cover? Maybe, maybe not. But if I see a book on Amazon called “The Desert Maiden” and it shows a picture of feet being chopped off with a hacksaw, I’m skipping over it.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

OLD MAN: Which candy bar has the commercial with swirling chocolate?

GEORGE COSTANZA: They all have swirling chocolate.

OLD MAN: Not Skittles.

-Seinfeld-

Magnum Opuses

A magnum opus is not a candy bar or an ice cream treat. It’s a singular work that defines an author’s entire career. Musicians, directors, and other artists can have magnum opuses as well. For Anthony Burgess, his magnum opus was A Clockwork Orange, much to his chagrin. The only reason why he wrote it (in such a short time span, no less) was to pay a bill. That’s it. That’s all A Clockwork Orange was supposed to be. My first thought upon hearing this was, “If he can write this good of a story when he’s rushing it, imagine what he’s like when he slows down and plans everything.” Mr. Burgess should be proud of himself. Actually, he can’t since he’s dead, but you get the picture. Then again, there are times when I can sympathize with this magnum opus phenomenon being a bad thing. I have a DeviantART account (in case you didn’t know) and from time to time I’ll post memes of my top ten favorite things or top 100 or god knows what else. When my memes get more views and favorites than my pieces of literature, which I genuinely worked hard on, that’s when I become disappointed with the internet community. It makes me upset that they can identify with a meme more often than a piece of art that actually means something. I don’t know if this is a mark of the smart phone generation or what, but it does piss me off from time to time. But then there are times when a magnum opus can work in the author’s favor like it did with Anthony Burgess (even though he didn’t know it just yet). You know the nu metal band Limp Bizkit? Their magnum opus is a tossup between the songs “Rollin’” and “Counterfeit”. What about Pink Floyd? Theirs is a tossup between the albums The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon. Imagine having to choose between a colorful prism and a hideous screaming face. What if you tried playing a word association game with the name JK Rowling? Harry Potter will always be the first thing to come to mind. The point I’m trying to make here is to be proud of your magnum opus regardless of how ashamed it made you feel previously. In hindsight, a bunch of people faving my memes could lead to those same people being interested in other things of mine as well. That’s normally how it works with drawings, photos, and such. Just try and stay positive about the things you’re famous for. For me personally, I’m glad that my characters Deus Shadowheart (charismatic barbarian) and Dr. Scott Cain (corrupt rapist) have a profound influence on how people see me. That’s why I recycled them from an old videogame idea called Final Fantasy Hardcore into a better-written story known as Hardcore Hate 1. If you’re famous for good things, embrace it.

　

***MY FIRST SALE***

After months of agonizing over success and failure, I finally sold my first copy of “Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart”. I’m confident that the one sale will spiral into a hundred. Or a thousand. Or a million. Whoever bought this book is going to spread the word for sure. For that, I’m thankful.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“It don’t bother me if people think I’m funny, ‘cause I’m a big rock star and I make a lot of money!”

-Korn singing “Earache”-