Laser Rocket Bomb

Childhood is a time when imaginations run wild and people are free to be their silly selves. I certainly was no exception when I was growing up in the early 1990’s in California. My favorite way of exercising my imagination was playing with Legos. I had one Lego piece that was a rod attached to a five-studded single block. The side studs had switches on them and the top stud had a long red laser pole. These pieces obviously came from a space adventure set I had (in case you didn’t already guess from the laser pole). What kind of thing could I imagine this Lego piece to be? How about a weapon that can blow shit up like Hiroshima? How about I call this Lego piece…a Laser Rocket Bomb. I shit you not. My creativity was wild, but my vocabulary was minimal. Then again, in the early 90’s I was only a fucking kid, give me a break. Seeing as how I was a kid, I didn’t know how serious nuclear war was. There was even a time when I thought dead people could be brought back to life by CPR. Naturally, I wanted the Laser Rocket Bomb to be a real weapon I could use on people. I often imagined it being used to blow up my school so I didn’t have to go anymore. That’s pretty sadistic, but being young and naïve has that effect on a child. Imagine if I actually tried to build this weapon out of raw materials. I would need three light switches, a small rocket engine, a light saber (from Star Wars fame), and a grenade in the middle of the whole contraption. I ran this idea by my older brother James and he had enough wisdom to tell me that I would die while making it. Pulling a pin on a grenade will set it off whether the light saber handle is stuck in the hole or not. I’ll be the first to admit that the Laser Rocket Bomb isn’t a very practical military weapon. What exactly would the point of the light saber be? Doesn’t the grenade and rocket engine do enough damage? Do we really need that extra amount of overkill? And why are grenades and rocket engines paired together in the first place? Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this weapon was used during the Bush administration during the Iraq War. In fact, if George W. Bush attempted to build the Laser Rocket Bomb himself, we probably wouldn’t have an Iraq War. Let this be a lesson to everyone who wants to exercise their imagination. Get it out of your system when you’re a kid and don’t know how the world works yet. When you’re older and it all makes sense, it won’t be so fun anymore.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Politicians are like a box of chocolates: the democrats are soft and gooey on the inside and the republican party just has a bunch of nuts in it.”

-Bill Maher-

"Cody's Army" by Jim Case

The reason I purchased this book to begin with was because the author (real name Stephen Mertz) critiqued one of my short stories and I wanted to thank him for his sensitive and honest service. And I thought, “Well, buying a white-knuckle military thriller, that should let him know I care!” It was worth every penny. Cody’s Army follows the story of John Cody and his three brothers-in-arms as they storm their way through the Arab desert in search of hostages taken from an airline flight to Tel Aviv. John Cody is a Vietnam war veteran who can beat the living piss out of anybody if given an Uzi machinegun, a garrote wire, a knife, grenades, or just his bare knuckles. Richard Caine is an explosives expert who can blow pretty much anything or anybody so high up in the air that they can personally say hello to their deity (feel free to take that any way you want). Rufe Murphy is a helicopter pilot who also happens to be a gigantic monster of a black guy who can snap the necks of smaller men with his thumb and forefinger. Hawkeye Hawkins, well, he’s just a badass Texan with a hair-trigger temper and a switchblade for a tongue. Okay, I may have stolen that last line from a Five Finger Death Punch song, but you get the idea. Individually, these four Vietnam vets are rough, tough motherfuckers who can kill at a moment’s notice. Together? Oh, you’d better bring every last soldier you’ve got and even then it may never be enough. They’re not just toe-to-toe brawlers, they’re intelligent tacticians who can work their way around any opposition. If you’re looking for a fast-paced action thriller, pick up a copy of Cody’s Army. By now you’re probably asking yourself why a peace-loving liberal like me is promoting a military-style novel. I already told you the first reason, because I want to support the guy who critiqued my work and made me a better writer. The other reason is because I know the difference between fantasy and reality. In Cody’s Army, the action is high-octane, brutal, and as dazzling to read as the Rambo movies are to watch. In real life, it would still be brutal, but there would be a lot of PTSD and vomiting in reaction to such horrible violence. Relax and enjoy the thrill ride from a safe distance. Buy Cody’s Army!

　

***JOKES OF THE DAY***

Q: What’s it called when a female soldier is getting emotional?
A: War-mones.

Q: What does a soldier get after he has sex?
A: War-gasms.