BOOK TITLE: Hunting Vampires with Grandma
AUTHOR: Ashley Uzzell
YEAR: 2017
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Vampire Horror
GRADE: Pass
Markie’s evening begins innocently enough when she goes to a
nightclub with her friends and mixes it up on the dance floor. She even brings
home a handsome stranger named Playboy Paul. But when this sexy gentleman
flashes his vampire fangs and lunges after her, Markie knows she screwed up
badly by inviting him into her grandma’s home. G saves the day when she plunges
knitting needles into the vampire’s heart and dissolves him into a pile of
ashes. Markie’s shock continues when she learns her grandma is part of a
sorority of vampire hunters which include fellow old ladies Ariel, Claire, and
Lavern. The band is back together for one last run and Markie is both excited
and frightened to be a part of it.
My favorite part of this short novel is the witty banter
back and forth between the four old ladies. They’re sassy, vulgar, and aren’t
afraid to keep their youth alive with sexual references here and there. They
come off as genuine kick-ass ladies rather than ageist stereotypes. And
speaking of kicking ass, despite their old ages, smoking habits, and terrible
cardio, they can get the job done when it comes to killing vampires. Nobody’s going
to screw with these venerable warriors whether it’s physical combat, a verbal
spat, or playing rummy (and possibly cheating). Their minds are sharp after all
of these years as evidenced by their careful planning when it comes to vampire
hunting. I love the point they made when they said fanny packs are safer to
carry around than purses when it comes to combat. Like I said, nobody messes
with these chicks. Nobody!
As far as critiques go, I don’t have many of them, but
they’re worth pointing out, though they won’t devalue the well-deserved passing
grade Ashley Uzzell has earned for this book. I would have liked to see the
combat scenes fleshed out a little more since it seemed like the battles were
too easily won. Then again, I understand why they were so short: because the
old ladies don’t have the cardio they did back in their youth. Shorter battles
favor the old ladies and they sure make the most of their time spent. Not every
battle has to be a UFC masterpiece of a WWE match of the year candidate, so maybe
this particular critique isn’t anything to lose sleep over. I enjoyed the
battles while they lasted, though.
The only other critique I have for this story is that I
would have liked to see Markie in a more combative role instead of being
vampire bait or a damsel in distress. For all intents and purposes, Markie is
the main protagonist of the story and I’ve always been a firm believer in the
idea of the main hero getting the spoils of victory. But at the same time, I
understand why she was relegated to a rookie role. The fact that vampires exist
at all is shocking to her, so she’s going into these battles slightly
unprepared. She’s not a martial artist in any sense of the word, but maybe she
could get away with a surprise attack for the final blow. Even that would build
her confidence as she continues her new role as part of the vampire hunting
sorority. By the end of the story, though, we don’t have to worry about her
confidence at all. She’s all smiles and her newfound happiness is well
deserved. She loves her grandma and loves her new old lady friends just as
much. They make an awesome team, to say the least!
Despite these microscopic issues I have with the story,
Ashley Uzzell knocks it out of the park yet again. She’s a runaway freight
train of literary achievements and no amount of chaos in her life is going to
stop her momentum. I loved this book so much that I would recommend it to even
those who aren’t interested in vampire stories to begin with. Mrs. Uzzell is a
woman who transcends genres every time she puts pen to paper. She’ll continue
to do that as her nonstop career progresses. Congratulations on scoring another
passing grade, Mrs. Uzzell! You don’t just set the bar; you ARE the bar!
