Lose Your Job

VERSE 1

“Get off the couch, I’m a beefy alpha male

You’re a little beta simp with the body of a whale

Stop shoving all those burgers right into your gut

Hit you with a restraining order from Pizza Hut”

Hey wait, do you work at Planet Fitness?

You think being macho’s gonna get you a mistress?

I think your Red Pills might really be steroids

I’m calling your boss, he’ll make you unemployed

 

DIALOGUE

“You gonna fuck with my greenbacks, Cancel Boy?”

You’re goddamn right I am

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

 

VERSE 2

“Hey, little lady, let’s make a million babies

In my cabin in the woods, not the ghettos in the hood

I’ll pay you a hundred bucks to pound your punani

Don’t tell nobody, least of all your nanny”

Hey wait, do you teach history at the school?

Do you make your kids watch Prager U and Tim Pool?

Makes me wonder if your students are virgins

We’ll see what the principal thinks of your perversion

 

DIALOGUE

“But…but…what about my income?”

Fuck your income

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

 

BRIDGE

I’m petty as fuck, because you had to suck

I don’t give a shit if you’ve got negative bucks

There’s a homeless dude who wants your job

But you brushed him off as a drunken slob

There’s an impoverished mom and her son

Who you love to tell that, “Trump still won!”

But no, let’s pretend you’re the real victim

And every minority’s a top-hat-wearing villain

 

DIALOGUE

“I got canceled! What’ll I do now?”

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

Kiss My Assassin

VERSE 1

When was the last time you shed a single tear?

Did you drown your sorrows in All-American beer?

Year after year, we fear for our lives

Will it be a semi-auto or some bayonet knives?

You got no heart, so you celebrate our deaths

We’re just a bunch of losers all addicted to meth

Since bigotry and bloodshed are your only passions

Put some chap stick on and KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

VERSE 2

Sympathy and empathy are quid pro quo

Listening to you sob is like watching grass grow

You said it to us once upon a time

Now we return the favor, you MAGA slime

You can dish it out, but you can’t take it in

And you rally your militias every time you don’t win

Now that rioting has become the new fashion

Take off your shield helmet and KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

BRIDGE

Rose red lips!

On my cheeks!

Not the ones on my face!

But the ones on my seat!

Lip balm stains!

On my starfish!

Just remember!

You started this!

 

VERSE 3

“Don’t sink to their level” is a way of life

For those who never had to bury their wife

She had a big dick, so she had to go under

That’s why your machinegun echoed like thunder

As it ripped apart every one of your victims

Every minor inconvenience to a prejudiced system

On the day your heart stops, you’ll get a nice crowd pop

I’ll pull down my pants and you can KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

OUTRO

Pretty pink lips!

On my cake!

Your dignity!

Is mine to take!

Strawberry gloss!

On my crack!

You got no feelings!

You got no facts!

KISS MY ASSASSIN!

Flip the Kill Switch

VERSE 1

Story after story about violence so gory

It ain’t Hollywood glory, the nations are warring

Bright and early morning, air raid sirens give the warning

The napalm is pouring, children sleep without snoring

I get it all for free on my pretty little screen

I hear the little “DING!”, now I want to fucking scream

He says, “There’s no such thing as pain and suffering”

What the hell does that mean? Aren’t you watching them bleed?!

 

CHORUS 1

Turn it off! Can’t take anymore!

Turn it off! Don’t want to hear about war!

Take the screen and throw it like a son of a bitch!

Hurry up and end it! Flip the kill switch!

 

VERSE 2

Post after post of self-deprecating roasts

What they want the most is to be floating ghosts

Standing so close to the edge with the rope

It’s not a gallows joke, there really is no hope

I try to talk some sense to the ones who crave death

Don’t even ride the fence, it ain’t worth it in the end

He says, “If I up and went, I won’t have to pay the rent”

Are you fucked up in the head? No one wants to see you dead!

 

CHORUS 2

Turn it off! Can’t take anymore!

Turn it off! What’d you do that for?!

Take the screen and wake you up from the ditch!

Take your torture machine and flip the kill switch!

 

BRIDGE

Look around you, we’ve got so much in common

None of our lives turned out the way we wanted

Big dreams of a world where we keep the good times rolling

Lost forever to what we call doom-scrolling

25 Things That Got Me Through 2024

Well…with every year that passes in the 2020’s, I’m doing fewer and fewer activities, whether it’s creative passions or media engagement. That’s the nature of mental illness in a stressful decade that wouldn’t let up. I’ve described myself as having “negative spoons”, or less energy than a neurotypical person would ordinarily have. August was my favorite month of this fucked up year, because that’s when I’ve completely cut the cord on doom-scrolling and consuming rage-bait. Now that it’s September, I’m all out of mental energy again, because I spent all my spoons in one place. I know 2024 is far from over, but these 25 things have gotten me through it all. There might be more list items between now and January, but this is what I’ve got so far:

1. Adopting Mac & Molli (senior kitties)

2. Booker T’s WCW theme music

3. Brandon Sanderson: “Elantris” (not finished yet)

4. Creative writing (poetry, novelettes, and shower thoughts)

5. Cutting the cord on doom-scrolling

6. Dark Side of the Ring: Season Five (not finished yet)

7. Drowning Pool: “Tearing Away” (single)

8. Fatal Fury arcade soundtrack

9. Final Fight 2 soundtrack: “Bears Are Hiding in the Woods” (Japan theme)

10. Fire From the Gods: “American Sun”

11. Fire From the Gods: “Soul Revolution”

12. Latuda instead of Risperidone

13. Legacy.com’s You Tube channel

14. Lego dragon

15. Mac Lethal: “Tom MacDonald Is a Nazi” (single)

16. Marty Robbins: “Love Is Blue” (cover song)

17. Melatonin

18. Mother Mother: “It’s Alright” (single)

19. Nightcore and Daycore remixes

20. Silent Season: “Hopeless” (single)

21. Summer Farrelly (they/them)

22. The Neurodivergent Rebel a.k.a. Lyric Rivera (they/them)

23. The Punk Rock Autistic a.k.a. Dani Noreen (they/them)

24. The Speech Prof a.k.a. Professor Chesko

25. The Warning: “Breathe” (single)