***DARK FANTASY GIMMICKS IN WRESTLING***
There actually used to be a time in the history of
professional wrestling where everybody took it seriously and didn’t question
its fictitious nature. When Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre the Giant, it was a
proud American moment. When the N.W.O. took over WCW, it felt like being a part
of the battlefield. Suspending disbelief was as easy with professional
wrestling as it was with movies and television shows. And then the internet
boomed with popularity and everyone was finding out wrestling’s dirty little
secrets. Chris Jericho says in his first memoir “A Lion’s Tale” that being a
wrestling fan in the 1980’s is different from being one in the 2000’s.
Before the internet became as popular as it is now, were
dark fantasy gimmicks to blame for the inability to suspend disbelief? Many
wrestling insiders thought so. In 1992, a voodoo priest named Papa Shango used
to cast spells on his opponents and make them shake and vomit into
unconsciousness. Instead of being feared by adults, he was given the following
awards from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter that year: Worst Gimmick, Most
Embarrassing Wrestler, and Worst Feud of the Year (vs. The Ultimate Warrior).
Then again, the WON is the same publication that gave The
Undertaker the Best Gimmick award from the years 1990 to 1994 for being an
undead wrestler. We all know zombies don’t exist in the real world (unless
they’re extremely tired or high on drugs), but how was The Undertaker more
believable and likeable than Papa Shango? This is a guy who made lightning
crash all around him, who put his opponents in body bags and caskets, and
teleported to the ring at will when the lights went out.
What’s my opinion of occult gimmicks in wrestling? You
should all know by now just from reading my stories that I love the dark
fantasy genre and therefore have no problem with seeing those kinds of
characters in wrestling. Yes, wrestling is supposed to be believable, but that
doesn’t mean it always is. If it works in movies like Harry Potter, Lord of the
Rings, and the upcoming Warcraft, why can’t it work in WWE? Kayfabe died a long
time ago when Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels hugged each
other in Madison Square Garden
You’re probably going to think I’m crazy for saying this,
but I actually enjoyed the Stardust gimmick. He came to the ring with silver
paint on his face, a black jumpsuit, and a red cape with spikes for shoulder
pads. That’s some serious dark fantasy shit right there! Yet in 2015, the
readership of the WON voted Stardust as having the Worst Gimmick of that year.
Cody Rhodes got so upset with portraying Stardust that he recently asked for
his release from WWE and was granted it along side his wife Eden Stiles. Poor
Cody. Poor, poor Cody.
And then you have some more dark fantasy creative fuel with
The Wyatt Family, a backwoods cult consisting of 300 lb. giants with scraggly
beards and dingy clothes. I guess The Wyatt Family was a little more realistic
than other dark fantasy gimmicks, because cults do exist in this world. Maybe
that’s why The Wyatt Family won Best Gimmick in 2013. But then why would Bray
Wyatt, the leader of the group, get nominated for a Worst Gimmick award in
2014? Wasn’t he doing the same things he was doing a year earlier?
I don’t see why wrestling fans get their knickers in a twist
over dark fantasy gimmicks in the WWE or any other organization. It didn’t
bother them when they were playing Diablo II on their computers. It didn’t
bother them when they were gathering around the table playing D&D and
eating Doritos. It won’t bother anybody who eventually goes to see the new
Warcraft movie, which I’m dying to see. So why should it be bothersome in WWE?
We know it’s fiction, so why not go the full nine?
Combining dark fantasy elements with professional wrestling
is basically what I’ve done when I wrote and published “Occupy Wrestling”.
Mitch McLeod, a professional wrestler with the body of Mike Haggar and the hair
of Goku, kicks the asses of and gets his ass kicked by skeletons, ogres, orcs,
demons, devils, and even a group of hooded mask-wearers called The Snakes of
Jehovah. I actually had a beta reader named Layla who told me that combining
urban fantasy with pro-wrestling was a bad idea. I had two chick lit-reading women
give my book a two-star rating. Thank god I have people like Marie Krepps
(Babe-a-Licious Mondo), Edward Davies (The Delightful Brit), and Andy Peloquin
(The Kick-Ass Canadian) who believe in me and my ideas.
In fact, now that I’m almost finished editing the shit out
of Occupy Wrestling with Marie, she’s given me some valuable advice that I’ll
definitely take to heart. Once it’s been republished, I should market it to
people who are both wrestling and fantasy fans, who will most likely be males
ages 20-29. I may have to search far and wide for these people, but they’re
worth finding, because they’ll love what I’ve got. Thank you for everything
you’ve done for me, Marie. It’s a debt I can never repay in my lifetime.
So what about it, Dave Meltzer (the Editor at Large for the
Wrestling Observer Newsletter)? What awards will you give Mitch McLeod?
Wrestler of the year? Feud of the year (vs. Keegan Day)? Dare I say, Most
Overrated or Worst Gimmick? I sincerely hope the newest version of Occupy
Wrestling makes it in the mailboxes of some of these wrestling insiders. They
may be harder to get a hold of than the 20 to 29-year-old males, but it would
satisfy my curiosity at least. It would be worth it to hear Jim Cornette scream
in his Kentucky
drawl. Hehe! We’ve got ears, say cheers!
***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***
The new contest is already here and I’m damn well ready for
it. Speaking of dark fantasy, I have yet another short story ready with the
suffix “mancer” in the title. The theme this week is “Dark Truth” and my story
will be called “The Cryomancer” (a wizard who controls ice). It goes like this:
CHARACTERS:
Julian Kane, Human Screenwriter
Olivia Snow, Elf Cryomancer
PROMPT CONFORMITY: After being exhausted by his relentless
work schedule, Julian’s fried brain doesn’t now what the dark truth is anymore.
SYNOPSIS: Julian’s latest movie script features Olivia as a
fictional character as she does battle with an army of orcs. In the middle of
writing, Olivia starts talking to Julian as if she was a real person. The
exhausted screenwriter figures that it’s just his mind playing tricks on him,
but when it starts hailing outside and his apartment becomes unexplainably
cold, he begins to think that maybe Olivia’s requests for a lighter battle
schedule seem reasonable.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
Continuing with the theme of dark fantasy, my next drawing
will be of someone who in no way can cast a decent spell. His weapon of choice
is a modified blunderbuss and his diet of choice is meat from the carcasses of
the game animals he kills. He is a chubby motherfucker named Joseph Stone and
he comes straight from the short story “Unleash the Animal”. Stinger Crushwar
may have been the most obnoxious character in that story, but never forget who
the real villain is. That’s right, Joseph, I’m looking at you, fat boy!
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“All my life they let me know how far I would not go. But
inside the beast still grows, waiting, chewing through the ropes. Who are you
to change this world? Silly boy! No one needs to hear your words. Let it go.
Carnivore! Carnivore! Won’t you come digest me? Take away everything I am.
Bring it to an end. Carnivore! Carnivore! Won’t you come and change me? Take
away everything I am. Everything I am.”
-Starset singing “Carnivore”-
***POST-SCRIPT***
It’s just a coincidence that the next Dark Fantasy Warrior
is a guy who eats too much meat and the lyrics of the day come from a song
called “Carnivore”. Then again, I just ate a whole Meat Lover’s Pizza from Pizza
Hut earlier today, so maybe it’s not much of a coincidence anymore.
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