Happy Meal

“Going to McDonald’s to eat a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.” CJ Blake giggled when she saw that Face Book meme on her smart phone. Judging from her hunched posture and droopy expression, however, that would be the only moment of happiness she had in a long period of time. She dredged into McDonald’s looking like someone had killed her puppy-duppy. Her blond hair was disheveled, her frail hands were stuffed in her black hoodie pockets, and her blue jeans looked like they hadn’t been washed in days.

When Miss Blake surveyed the restaurant with her bloodshot eyes, she found that except for the clerks and Ronald McDonald mascot, she was all alone for the evening. Given her circumstances, being alone was both a positive and a negative. She would have her meal all to herself, but no cute guy to share it with.

The clerk at the counter, Leon Tobin, didn’t look any better when it came to being stressed out by depression. The only reason his lanky figure was upright was because such posture was necessary for looking superior in an argument. His furrowed brows and quick movements on the register gave away more of his angry attitude.

“Welcome to McDonald’s, ma’am. What can I get started for you?” asked Leon in a professional, yet bothered tone. His fingers on the cash register were going to blitz and scramble once this order was taken.

Without looking at the menu above, CJ Blake knew exactly what she wanted: “Can I get a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a Twenty-Piece McNugget with no sauce, a large vanilla shake, and a large coke?”

The only reason Leon hesitated when punching the numbers in the register was out of surprise that a cute girl would order such a big meal and ruin her lovely figure. The moment of hesitation was brief and the total was otherwise quickly added up. “That’ll be nineteen dollars even.”

CJ languidly fiddled around in her hoodie pockets and paid Leon with a twenty dollar bill, thus receiving one dollar in change. Without even waiting for the clerk to give her the order number, CJ dragged herself over to a nearby table and hung her head low. A small tear formed in her eye and dropped onto the table to create a tiny splash.

After giving the cooks CJ’s order, Leon stood behind the counter with his arms folded and watched his only customer with concern. He knew the personal affairs of his clientele were none of his damn business, so going over to ask what was wrong was out of the question. Besides, he had enough problems of his own that evening to be getting personally involved. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. Watching CJ wallow in her depressive state made his heart ache on the inside. Either that or Leon’s dinner wasn’t sitting well with him.

Miss Blake continued to sit at her table with her head slouched over and her energy low. She probably wouldn’t have noticed if her food was ready. Garrett Fox dressed as Ronald McDonald, on the other hand, caused her to jump back and gasp. Garrett said, “Hey there, little girl!” in a deep, goofy voice. “You don’t have to be sour! Your meal is coming up soon and you’re going to have a wonderful time! If you want to order anything else…”

“Get the fuck away from me before I punch that silly red nose of yours through your goddamn skull,” said CJ in her usual languid voice.

“You heard her, Garrett. She obviously doesn’t want to be bothered right now. Take five,” said Leon, still with his arms folded behind the counter.

Garrett Fox’s eyes danced back and forth between CJ and Leon, not knowing where to go at first. He then took off his Ronald mask to reveal shaggy brown hair and a lion’s mane underneath before stomping over to Leon to angrily whisper, “What the hell are you doing?! We’re supposed to be selling her as much food as possible and you’re getting in my way again!”

“Her order was nineteen dollars even. She doesn’t need any more of this processed crap.”

With his arms flailing like a cartoon character, Garrett said, “Are you kidding me right now? Where’s your spirit? The only way we’re going to stay in business is by being enthusiastic about it. Smile, damn it! Have some fun!”

“Fun?!” said Leon with a raised voice. “You think this is fun for me?! You think taking orders from snotty people gives me pleasure?! Shit, man, I could go on forever about the screaming old people and the bratty teenagers who wouldn’t leave me alone for just one minute! That’s it! I can’t do this anymore!”

Garrett placed both of his gloved hands on either side of Leon’s face and said, “Think of your baby son, Leon! What’s he going to do if he finds out that daddy’s a quitter?!”

Leon swatted Garrett’s hands away, pointed a finger at him, and yelled, “Don’t you ever mention my family again, you son of a bitch! You know nothing about them!”

The two McDonald’s employees shoved and wrestled with each other over the counter with the other workers seemingly ignorant to what was going on out there. The last person expected to care, CJ Blake, suddenly stood up from the table and shouted, “Stop it! Stop this shit right now!”

Leon Tobin and Garrett Fox stopped their countertop roughhousing and gave CJ their wide-eyed attention. She screamed, “I came here to McDonald’s to get away from the fighting, not to watch more of it! You guys think you had it rough? Try getting in a nasty breakup with your lover! I’m talking about a really nasty breakup!”

To prove her point, CJ pulled her right hand out of her pocket and revealed red knuckles and pink scrapes. “Holy shit!” said Garrett.

“Yeah, you’re damn right that hurts! What hurts even more is the fact that every one of my family and friends keeps giving me the ‘I told you so!’ speech! I told you so, I told you so! So excuse me if I make your cooks work a little harder to get me a big ass meal! Shit, man, I already have a big ass.” CJ sat back down and buried her face in her folded arms. Tears soaked her hoodie sleeves while she breathed quickly in and out.

“Order up!” said one of the cooks.

Leon snapped out of his trance long enough to swipe the tray of food onto the floor and yell, “No! That’s not how this is going down!” He climbed over the counter and left Garrett in a dumbfounded state of mind as he lay on the counter staring at CJ.

As soon as the disgruntled clerk took a seat across from her, the depressed ex-girlfriend said, “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you right now. And why did you throw around my food like that? You’re an asshole.”

“You’re absolutely right,” said Leon before he held CJ’s bruised hand in both of his own. “I am an asshole. I spent the last few days snapping at people when they just wanted their meals. We both had a bad couple of days. But you know what? Eating all that food isn’t going to make you feel better. It’s going to make you feel like shit. You’re going to be sluggish, you’re going to be slow, and you’re going to be struggling for air all the time. It’s almost like you wanted to commit suicide or something.”

CJ lifted her head to reveal her wet face and said, “I’m diabetic.” Garrett and Leon’s eyes shot up in horror and their lips quivered in fear. “That’s right. I came here to die tonight. It doesn’t matter how many times I punched my boyfriend, those nude photos of me are going to be on the internet forever. And no, I don’t care about telling a complete stranger all of this, because I’m not going to be around long enough to feel awkward about it.”

The depressed lady buried her tearful face in her arms yet again and sobbed away with Leon watching her in shock. He never let go of her hand. He snapped at enough people already and he wasn’t about to take his anger out on another poor soul. CJ had enough people angry with her already. What she needed more than anything was a kindred soul.

“You don’t need to die tonight. You need to start over,” said Leon. “If all your friend and family keep saying, ‘I told you so’, then you need new friends and new family members. Maybe I can be the one who helps you with that.”

“Yeah right!” said CJ. “How can you help me? You just said yourself that you spent the last few days yelling at customers!”

“I did. And it was stupid. I need to start over as well. Do you know how I plan to start over? Come with me and I’ll show you.” Leon helped the shaky CJ stand up and the two of them put their arms around each other’s shoulders as they walked out of McDonald’s in protest. To prove his run was over, Leon took off his McDonald’s hat and ripped off the shirt to his uniform.

CJ smiled at Leon and whistled flirtingly. Another short moment of happiness that would hopefully evolve into a longer one with Leon by her side. Their temporary chuckles ended when the two of them saw Garrett shamelessly eating CJ’s order off of the floor. “What?” the mascot said. “It’s a five minute rule.”

“That’s five seconds, you dummy!” said CJ before she and Leon walked away from McDonald’s forever.