Vikki Colt

NAME: Vikki Colt
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: Singer
CANONS: Vina’s Slaves and Fireball Nightmare


I’ve always been fascinated with female singers, particularly those in the rock genre. In 2006, I had so much of a crush on Tarja Turunen that I bought every Nightwish album she was a part of. For Christmas one year, I got Rachael MacFarlane’s lounge CD, even though I’m not a fan of that kind of music. How about we continue the tradition of beautiful songstresses with the fictional variety, Vikki Colt. Vikki can not only do clean and dirty vocals interchangeably, but she looks smoking hot in a dress and gothic boots. You think there might be a line of men waiting outside her door with wedding rings in their hands? I’d like to think so.

In 2006, I wrote a rap metal musical called Vina’s Slaves, about a band of the same name trying to make a living in Bozeman, Montana. Vikki Colt was the female singer of that band and an occasional guitarist. Things weren’t going well enough for the band, so the leader, keyboard player and singer Chase Lugar, decided to get themselves popular by spreading politically liberal messages through their music.

It might have worked anywhere else, but not in fucking Bozeman, Montana, a state so red it might as well be covered in the band’s blood. The original guitarist Johnny De Morgan left the band under duress and became a born-again Christian. Charlie Moore went to jail after catching his girlfriend, Vikki, cheating on him with Chase. Vikki was raped by a gang of drunken marines and sent to a trauma center while the only remaining members of the band were Chase and the bass player Slick Hanover. Things eventually got better for the band, but not in Vikki’s presence, which means she was cast to the side this whole time.

Because I felt like she didn’t get enough attention in Vina’s Slaves, Vikki would have been resurrected in Fireball Nightmare, my most recent failure. Before it became a dud, I had one act completed and the second one in the works. Unfortunately for poor Vikki, she would have appeared in the third and I never made it that far. It’s a shame, really. She would have played an elfish heavy metal guitarist who tried to steal Ronan Seran away from his wife Makoto.

She could do it, too. When I drew her for the second time in eight years, she looked like an elf version of Maria Brink from In This Moment. Think about what kind of charisma Maria already has and multiply her hotness by a million. Vikki could have been something big. But like I said, Fireball Nightmare was yet another dud in this long line of stories that never made it.

But now that I think about it, was Vikki Colt used for anything more than just relationship fodder? Yes, she could sing and play the guitar with the best of them, but that doesn’t mean anything if her main role was to satisfy my musical goddess fantasies. If nothing else, that would make her a Mary-Sue. Either that, or she would be on an episode of Cheaters. She deserves better than that. If I’m going to make Vikki into a rock star, she has to be more about her music and less about being boy crazy. That doesn’t mean she can’t have sex appeal. It just means she won’t be in whatever story she’s a part of for pornographic reasons.

Maybe if Vikki’s sex appeal does shine through, she can go by the Neko Case and Ronda Rousey Rule, as I like to call it: if she doesn’t show it off at the beach, she won’t show it off anywhere else. Maybe Vikki can do a few bikini shoots, but that’s about it. Women wear bikinis all the time at the beach and none of them have been arrested for public indecency. In the same way that Ronda Rousey wants to be remembered for her fighting, Vikki Colt wants to be remembered for being a damn good musician and putting out metal album after metal album full of hardcore shit. If anybody comes up to Vikki on the streets and demands anything more from her, they’ll get a swift kick in the balls and be able to sing at a higher octave than her.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I don’t care about the story. I don’t care about the myth. I don’t care how you see my life; you haven’t witnessed it. Use fear as a weapon and pity as a whip. Convince everyone around that I’m a piece of shit.”

-Nothing More singing “Friendly Fire”-