***GOODBYE WWE***
I’ve been watching WWE television since 1991 with a brief
vacation from the product during the Attitude Era. I’m sorry to say that now
I’ll be taking a permanent vacation from the product here in 2018. I tried to
hold on. I tried to see the silver linings. I tried to remain faithful purely
out of habit and hope. But Raw and Smackdown have gotten so unbearable to watch
that I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t care about the wrestlers as
characters, the ones I do care about are being made into walking punch lines,
and all of this under a three hour and two hour show respectively just makes
watching WWE a miserable experience.
That’s not to say that I’m abandoning wrestling completely.
This is the same form of entertainment that inspired me to write a novella
called Occupy Wrestling, which isn’t doing so well in terms of sales or
ratings, but it’s still my baby and I love it. There are certainly other
wrestling shows outside of WWE. New Japan
You won’t get necromancy in WWE. You know what you’ll get?
Toilet humor. Unfunny kid jokes. Terrible storytelling. Lackluster
pay-per-views. NXT call-ups who fail on the main roster. The list goes on and
on until the end of time. I’m not even going to get into Most Disgusting
Promotional Tactics this year, because those award nominations are peanuts
compared to a boring product. I kept watching throughout the years because I
hoped things would change and eventually get better. I’m still waiting for that
change. I’m still waiting for Vince McMahon to step down and relinquish control
to someone else. Nope. Not happening. I’ve waited too long and now it’s all
over.
So what do I do now that WWE Raw and Smackdown are no longer
going to play on my TV? I’ve already mentioned the possibilities of watching
New Japan and Lucha Underground. But what about non-wrestling shows that I’ve
missed out on over the years? James’s TV is capable of digging up those old
shows and I can watch them anytime I want. I could finally watch “A Room With
No View” from Millennium and cry my eyeballs dry while wanting to heal Landon
Bryce. I could binge watch Outlander and cry even harder when Jamie Fraser gets
raped at Wentworth Prison by Captain John Randall. I could watch Gilmore Girls
and cry happy tears instead of sad ones. I could watch Dragon Ball Super and
take back my anime fan card. I could watch Game of Thrones and bypass the
slow-paced books altogether. Or I could cry my ass off once again watching a
dark comedy show known as BoJack Horseman. Goddamn, that’s a lot of crying!
Could my 2007 record be broken by one of these shows?
As long as I’m looking for hobbies outside of writing,
reading, and fucking around on my computer, what else could I do to keep my
brain from sinking into a depression? I could play the keyboard and get my
musical magic working again. I could play videogames with my brother even
though noobs are shunned by the gaming community. I could do some more
photography, but with different subjects. I could carve things out of my five
million soap bars. I could make plans to travel the world even though plane
rides are a literal pain in the ass. So many possibilities, all of which could
keep me entertained long enough to avoid overeating out of boredom. Yes, eating
out of boredom is a real thing and it’s one of the reasons I’m still
overweight.
Shit, man, there are a lot of things I could be doing that
are better than watching WWE. I could shove a cactus up my ass. I could have my
cat Piper perform a lobotomy on me with her claws. I could jam a screwdriver up
my dickhole. I could listen to “Love Is Blue” by Paul Mauriat over and over
again while having a cute girl tell me how much she loves my mediocrity,
although that’s not fair to Paul Mauriat since that’s actually a relaxing song.
I could do Tope Suicidas down the staircase, to reference wrestling once again.
I could perform a circumcision on myself with a steak knife. I know I’m
exercising my hyperbole muscles when I say these torturous things are better
than watching WWE, but certain podcasters like Jason Solomon and Greg Morgan
would actually agree with me if they read this.
I’m only one and a half pages into this rant and already I
feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Goddamn, that was liberating!
I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!
Or in this case, if you feel like dying, turn off WWE Raw!
***BEAUTIFUL MONSTER RELOADED***
I figured these blogs would be a good opportunity to track
my progress on Beautiful Monster since I can’t post the chapters online. I’ll
go ahead and say that the prologue is finally written and I have twenty-seven
more chapters to write, including an epilogue. I like the fact that I could
stretch Windham Windham Windham
***CONCERT QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“I asked myself the question. I wrestled with myself. Should
I put this out there? Should I put this out there? Should I put this out there?
Are people going to embrace it or are people going to stab me in the fucking
heart? And I said fuck it, I trust them. I’m putting it out there. And if it
happened to me, it probably happened to someone else. Hopefully, this song will
help anybody that this has happened to. I want you to know that you’re never
alone. This is a song called Hush.”
-Chad Gray, lead singer from Hellyeah-
***POST-SCRIPT***
In case you follow my posts about concerts and are curious,
no, I haven’t been to a Hellyeah show before and I might not get the chance now
that Vinnie Paul Abbot is dead. That makes me sad. Who’s cutting onions around
here? I’m not crying, you’re crying! I’m not watching Outlander, you are! I’m
not watching A Room with No View, okay, you get the point by now. Rest in peace,
Vinnie Paul.
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