I'm really digging the side-by-side view I've been using lately, not just for M.I.A., but also Noel Plum. It gives me more room to write captions.
Saturday, April 4, 2026
Friday, April 3, 2026
Thursday, April 2, 2026
Wednesday, April 1, 2026
Monday, March 30, 2026
Lou Dweebs, I Mean, Lou Dobbs: Honorary ICE Agent
It's about damn time I brought back the garish color humiliation. Rest in Piss, Lou Dweebs.
Sunday, March 29, 2026
Deathbringer (Trigger Warning: Child Abuse)
VERSE 1
Your son got a C in his Bible Studies class
So you took your leather belt and you bloodied up his ass
Told him he was worthless and he’s burning in hell
There’s more blood to shed if he finds a cop to tell
Damn right there’s more bloodshed, but now it’s yours
‘Cause he found your nine-millimeter in your chest of
drawers
A tool of destruction used in overseas wars
BANG-BANG! Now the maid’s got some extra laundry chores
CHORUS
Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!
Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!
Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!
Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!
VERSE 2
Your trustworthy pastor grabbed your daughter’s legs
Because she wore a short skirt and was begging for sex
That’s your version of the story and you’re sticking to it
She had her chance to go to heaven, but she fucking blew it
There’s still hope for you to find out your fate
‘Cause now your tender baby has a reason to hate
Meet Jesus early, your vision became blurry
When she stabbed you in the throat, ended your life in a
hurry
CHORUS
Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!
Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!
Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!
Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!
VERSE 3
Those in power love to cry about the birthrate
So they outlaw abortion using anti-woman hate
The real headline isn’t guys not getting laid
It’s the bounties on their heads finally being paid
Wanted dead or alive, but not so much the latter
Bash rapists’ skulls and enjoy the blood splatter
Cut off their wangs, cock the pistol, BANG-BANG!
It’s too late to negotiate, abusers must hang!
CHORUS
Death to abusers! Death to the rapists!
Death to conformists! You’ll learn to hate this!
Life isn’t precious when you take theirs away!
Here comes the Deathbringer, it’s Judgment Day!
OUTRO
Are you offended? Are you pissed?
So am I, because of what you did!
Are you a censor? Brainwasher?
That’s good, I’ll hold your head under water!
Thou Shalt Not Kill no longer applies
Every time the innocent always fucking dies!
It’s too late to rehabilitate
Here’s a bullet or two, how ‘bout I fire eight?!
Saturday, March 28, 2026
Friday, March 27, 2026
Sylvester Stallone: Star of "The Terminator" and "Conan: the Barbarian"...Hey, Wait a Minute...
Wait a minute, I know where he's from! Walker, Texas Ranger! No, wait...damn!
Wednesday, March 25, 2026
Luke Spencer (Rocked) vs. Ian Watkins (Lostprophets): No Sympathy for the Dead
Ian Watkins created and owned child pornography and was imprisoned because of it. He has since been murdered in prison and nothing of value was lost.
Tuesday, March 24, 2026
Monday, March 23, 2026
If You Don't Know Garrison Kelly, You Will Know Smokey Stevens
My theme music would be "Nine Lives" by Aerosmith and my finishing moves would be the Spear for pinfalls or The Stump Puller for submissions.
Galatea & Acis vs. Nick Fuentes: Male Feminists Don't Seem So Bad After All, Do They?
"Male feminists just want to get laid!" So do incels and groypers. Nick Fuentes fans will go to some...extreme measures to achieve their goals. You know damn well what I mean.
Sunday, March 22, 2026
Doug Martinez from 311 (I Purposefully Left the "SA" Out of His Name For Obvious Reasons)
Purity test this, pretty boys.
Saturday, March 21, 2026
Cinnabrit & Bonnie Rabbit: Getters of Coin
Get that coin, ladies! We all know that YouTube's algorithm was built by horndogs.
Thursday, March 19, 2026
Brett Kavanaugh: The DUI Hire of The Supreme Court
I won't worry if Brett Kavanaugh tries to sue me for libel. He won't make a convincing argument to the jury, because he'll be hammered the entire time and he'll slur his words beyond recognition.
Tom Powell, Jr. vs. Aaron Pendergraph: Court Battle of the Ages
If Aaron Pendergraph threatens to sue you, just ignore him. He's all sizzle and no steak, all icing and no cake. Actually, he did have a cake, but he used cocaine instead of baking flour, so I wouldn't eat it if I were you.
Wednesday, March 18, 2026
Revenge Against the Innocent
VERSE 1
Getting laid off at work makes you go berserk
And then a minor inconvenience turns you into a jerk
A tender voice says, “Daddy?”, you scream, “WHAT?!”
Call your daughter every slur from bitch to slut
She runs to bed crying while your self-esteem is dying
Nobody’s on your side, they had no choice but to hide
A raging ball of fire launched from the depths of hell
Leaves your heart seizing up and no one to wish you well
CHORUS
Revenge against the innocent, it sounds so ignorant
They committed no crimes, yet they’re on borrowed time
Before a nervous breakdown or a violent takedown
Revenge against the innocent, you’re absurd and insolent
VERSE 2
Your nuclear family had a nuclear explosion
Of every single tearful and screaming emotion
Hey, don’t complain, you’re the one who pressed the button
You always had the launch codes, so keep on truckin’
Couldn’t pay for therapy with a bleeding bank account
Inflation raised the price to a ridiculous amount
Credit cards can’t help, lenders hand you the shovel
And you can’t say, “I’m sorry” with an invisible muzzle
CHORUS
Revenge against the innocent, it sounds so ignorant
They committed no crimes, yet they’re on borrowed time
Before a nervous breakdown or a violent takedown
Revenge against the innocent, you’re absurd and insolent
VERSE 3
Fifty-one-fifty, free room and board
And all the cigarettes you could possibly hoard
I’m making this place sound just like a prison
But you know damn well they’ve got the same system
Seventy-two hours without a warm shower
Piss and moan all you want, but there’s no people-power
Your daughter’s grown up and got her own wedding flowers
She broke the cycle, her love is stronger than a tower
OUTRO
This could have been avoided, nulled, and voided
If you didn’t let your anger turn into a Big Banger
Cosmic explosion that pissed off the universe
Now you’ve got no ride home except the back of a hearse
Tuesday, March 17, 2026
Monday, March 16, 2026
Sunday, March 15, 2026
I Want My Hobbies Back
VERSE 1
Laying in bed staring into outer space
No life in my eyes, ‘cause the life went to waste
Lips are too heavy to lift for a smile
Haven’t left the bed for a long-ass while
Arm is too weak to give the cat pettings
Only reason to get up is to avoid bedwetting
This would be a hell of a time for a hobby
But my brain is soup, primordial and sloppy
VERSE 2
Every song I listen to has an extra singer
One blasting the lyrics, one pointing the fingers
Call me every slur that’s ever been used
By every abuser who was once abused
Every story I write has an extra villain
That genocides my joy, laughs at the killing
Every videogame that I’ve tried to beat
Hit the Game Over screen looped on repeat
CHORUS
I want my hobbies back
I feel like I’m on crack
An LSD flashback
A poisoned bottle of Jack
I never touched the drugs
My brain don’t give a fuck
I’m high as hell anyway
Pretty much every day
VERSE 3
My dopamine supply is always running dry
Yet I couldn’t get a tear to drop from my eyes
Porn addiction is my only prescription
To medicate myself in this world called hell
Refraction periods are overrated
When a million orgasms leave you sedated
Couldn’t get real sex with my personality
It drained away with my social battery
CHORUS X2
I want my hobbies back
I feel like I’m on crack
An LSD flashback
A poisoned bottle of Jack
I never touched the drugs
My brain don’t give a fuck
I’m high as hell anyway
Pretty much every day
OUTRO
You couldn’t call it highway robbery
Too fucked up to drive, mental sodomy
All my potential stolen without a reason
Food for thought rotted before it was eaten
I was too threatening to the new world order
Because how dare my heart break for kids dead at the
border?!
How dare my soul hurt for children raped by priests?!
How dare I ask for fairness and justice for the weak?!
Friday, March 13, 2026
Shut Up, Bitch!
“We’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors…”
Is it Red Fin or Rent Fin?
An intellectual sedative
For your inbred relatives
SHUT UP, BITCH!
I have a structured settlement
Judge called it embezzlement
Defendant’s out of his element
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Ask your doctor if it’s right
To take Ozempic every night
Belly fades out of sight
SHUT UP, BITCH!
We’ve got all your favorite songs
To sell our corporate wrongs
Profits looking pretty strong
SHUT UP, BITCH!
It’s a blanket with sleeves
You’ll never attract thieves
Just a pervert with fleas
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Smoking cigarettes will kill you
Funeral home will bill you
Our commercials make you ill, dude
SHUT UP, BITCH!
Commercials used to be funny, now they’ve lost all charisma
Mediocrity takes over and it’s not an enigma
The richer you get, the less competition
Will make you reach beyond your greatest ambitions
Get lazy on the sofa then project onto the workers
They should be forming a union, but all they want is murder
Why up your game when they’re fighting each other?
Sit back, relax, and watch them killing their brothers
